 The Peaceful Time.. made some sandwiches n brought it over.. token of truce?? no idea.. juz simply wanted to make them.. todae went fine.. we seem to have the talent of forgettin things dat we do not wanna rmb.. itz kinda like a mental "sweepin under the carpet".. we went to ikea for dinner.. shared the mini steak in mushroom sauce, the swedish meat balls, n the poached salmon.. gotta sae dat the roast beef is wat works for mi.. the meatballs second.. hmm.. i juz love the roast beef!! =) next time i shall try the honey chicken, the cold dishes, pates n stuff, as well as the choc mousse.. no wonder the place is always crowded.. the food is nice n the prices r affordable.. i think my hp or my line is nutz.. suddenly received a torrent of msgs frm since last nite til tonite's.. time lag?? system lag?? no idea.. but sorie to all those peepz whom i din reply.. hope i'm gonna change my service plan soon.. outbreak.. darn.. but think frm nw on, i'll have quite alot of time off frm goin out, so dat it'll clear.. coz his parents r comin back tonite.. so, basically, there will be tighter restrictions, n he might be goin back to indonesia for a visit soon.. if he does, please let him be safe n sound.. right, so, i'll probably have alot of time for my skin to be make-up free n clear up.. :p tired.. tmr's new year's eve.. hope it all goes as planned n i'll spend it with him n his sec skool frens, n watch them play midnite soccer..last yr was spent with yong lee n frens at the esplanade, watchin fireworks.. so, since i din get to spend new yr's eve with him last yr, hope this yr i will be able to.. piccassa screwed up again.. highlight of the dae, pizza for dinner.. n an email frm my gp teacher, ms judy tan, wishin us happie new year.. the rest is all downhill.. i looked in the mirror, n found myself lookin haggard.. dark rings under the eyes, bad skin.. i looked old, not like i'm 18.. more like i'm 80.. flare-ups, flare-ups, flare-ups.. will they never end? shoutin.. retorts.. accusations.. flung one way n the other.. hung up on yet again.. sat in the kitchen cryin.. din wan my bro to see it.. watz the point of puttin on make-up, preparin to go out, den sit around the phone, waitin for it to ring.. n when patience runs out, you ring, flare-ups occur n den u take off all the make-up again.. 2 daes in a row.. my nerves r frayed from waitin, wonderin, beratin, crying. i dun wan to feel anything anymore.. n as i sat at the kitchen table cryin, i felt like my heart was dyin, turnin hard n cold.. itz like i'm goin numb frm the inside.. i'm not findin fault.. itz juz starin at mi in the eye.. how do i blind myself?? i dun deceive myself, unless it can make mi last longer in this whole crazy rollercoaster ride.. emotional ups n downs.. i hate the upheavals.. i hate the fact dat i'm of so little importance to u.. i hate how my emotions can juz go to the extremes.. you don't want me. n if datz the case, i don't want you too.. i'll juz disappear frm your life, until u decide if i shld be in it, or out of it. the concept of give n take? i've already given my whole heart.. i have nothing left in mi dat u dun have already, so wat else is there left for mi to give?  Love's Secret Domain.. had a disagreement todae n so went out with Manda.. went over to her house n den headed down to far east together.. she finally bought the arwen necklace dat she wanted.. $140+?? (-_-lll after dat, we headed to breeks at taka n had dinner.. gosh.. we have big appetites!! she ate this korean rice thing, while i had the chicken patties melted. n, we shared a fish n chips between the 2 of us.. (o_O) n the 2 guys in the next table onli ate like a dish each.. oopz.. anyway, the chicken patties melted is nice!! heehee.. yumm... went to the library to borrow some books.. den we headed down to taka's basement n bought a cup of venetia gelato each.. itz simply scrumptious.. the texture is reallie smooth n rich, yet not cloyin.. my favourite is the rum n raisin.. muz try!! i'm so hooked to the gelato n juz have to buy a cup everytime i'm at taka.. =) rum n raisin, rum n raisin.. heehee.. n the price is quite reasonable, n datz y the haagen daz stall opposite it is like almost completely empty, coz itz ex, doesn't look too nice, n have run-of-the-mill flavours.. lallaalaaa~ i love venetia gelato.. so does manda.. she bought a tub home.. (-_-lll things r not goin well.. flare-ups.. i muz learn not to point fingers.. darn.. i miss him, but i noe he doesn't.. 
Kimi O Ai Shiteru so, i realised dat my dad have little faith in my cookin.. hahaa.. n dat i cook nice scrambled eggs.. =) Bunny came over in the afternoon, to watch some movies dat i dwnloaded, n i offered to cook breakfast/ lunch for him.. coz i was lazy to get out of the house n meet him for lunch first.. (-_-lll oopz.. so anyway, i cooked 2 sunny side-ups, a scrambled egg, a bowl of Nong Xin La Bai Chai La Mian n 2 hotdogs.. hmm.. the sunny side-ups din turn out too well, a fall frm my usual standard.. itz hard to flip the egg when ur pan is only abt 15cm in diameter.. (x_x) so, one of it ended up not lookin very nice, the other ended up perfectly round, but with a broken yolk.. darn.. n i was tryin to impress with my prowess at cookin sunny side-ups.. *juz a piece of redundant info abt myself. i like sunny side-ups with semi runny yolks.. eaten with light soya sauce n lotsa pepper.. =)* alright.. back to my cookin.. the scrambled egg was cooked to redeem my credibilty as bein good at cookin eggs.. whahhaaa... n i think i did alright with it, coz it was quite fluffy, with a slight buttery taste n nice colour.. n he said itz nice n he's surprised dat i can cook it so nicely, so i guess itz nice.. heehee.. n he said he wans to eat it every morning, so it muz be nice.. :p *another piece of redundant info, i only noe how to cook usin tefal's non-stick pans.. so i figured dat when i have my own house in the future, datz the brand dat i'll turn to for cookin utensils..* *yet another, i like scrambled eggs.. in fact, i simply adore them.. esp with a light sprinkle of salt n pepper on it.. Mac's Big Breakfast have nice scrambled eggs.. fluffy n moist.. =)* *one more.. i dunnoe how to cook usin oil, onli butter or margarine.. the rest of the stuff dat i cook, will probably be boiled.. why no oil?? coz i'm scared dat the oil will splatter when itz hot.. hot oil in contact with skin is darn painful.. n i'm scared of bein disfigured.. heehee.. (>_<)* alright.. the instant noodles dat i cook r full of added stuff too, like veggie n crabsticks, which were wat i added in his todae.. n the hotdogs were boiled.. healthy mah.. no oil.. esp after all those eggs.. :p have i made anyone hungry yet?? =) anyway, i seem to have cooked alot of food rite? but u noe wat? he ate them all!! i can't believe dat i cooked for him, when i myself haven't even eaten anything since i woke up.. n i woke up quite a few hours before i cooked for him.. (-_-lll wth.. haha.. i'm juz noble can?? okie.. i was juz lazy to cook for myself.. (-_-lll but when i'm willin to cook for him, even though i'm too lazy to even cook for myself, dat shows something doesn't it? no, it doesn't show dat i'm dumb, u meanie.. it shows dat i'm gd to him.. whahahaa.. agree?? after cookin for him n washin up all the dishes (who saes i dunnoe how to cook or do chores?), i fixed myself a cup of the campbell instant soup.. cream of mushroom.. first time tryin it n itz NICE!!! =) nw i'm hooked on it.. itz esp gd when u eat it with crusty bread.. yumm... enough abt food.. ~ he had a chat with my dad, though i'm still not on speakin terms with my dad.. (-_-lll wth.. can sae dat he's gd at handlin parents.. gee.. if i can carry a conversation with his parents the way he did with my dad, i figure dat i might be able to get on their gd side.. he have a skill, at puttin ppl at ease in his presence, n engagin them.. he seems to have a knack for knowin wat ppl need in their interaction with him.. for mi, i feel awkward even talkin to my own relatives.. i'm juz not gd at talkin to ppl, n i tend to keep silent rather than carry on an animated conversation.. i make ppl feel awkward n ill at ease in my presence.. oh gosh.. i'm juz introverted, can? ppl who first got to noe mi always tell mi dat i'm too quiet, until i feel comfortable enough in their presence to speak my mind.. in a grp, i'm always the quiet one, the odd one out.. how i yearn to be the one to put ppl at ease in my company, n lead them in a conversation.. but i'm juz too prickly, too full of sharp edges in my personality, to get on well with ppl.. anyway, when my dad asked if he'd eaten, he said yes, n dat i cooked for him.. my dad displayed his surprise at dat n said, "she can cook meh?" (-_-lll wth.. talk abt bein a dampener..can he have more faith in his daughter's culinary skills?? juz coz i dun cook much at home doesn't mean i can't!! okie.. i dunnoe how to cook rice n lotsa other stuff, but i can cook k?? again, i find my culinary skills being doubted.. =( I'VE LEARNT TO BAKE SINCE PRI 3!!!!!! i simply muz protest.. ugh.. ~ nowadays, i wonder if he's happy bein with mi. i'm rather scared, coz i'm afraid dat the feelin is fadin, the chemistry is wanin.. recently, we've been gettin into rows over all sorts of stuff.. i think we r stressin each other out.. to borrow a term, it seems dat "proximity breeds hostility".. n i keep tryin to work it out in my mind, to see wat can be done.. maybe we r spendin too much time together, n dat we need some personal space n time to spend with ourselves.. dat may be one reason.. maybe he's juz gettin sick of mi.. dat can be another.. i try to give in, i try to think abt wat he'll wan frm mi, how he'll wan mi to act, n i behave accordingly.. maybe i'm tryin too hard? but i juz feel on tenterhooks.. i dunnoe how to behave around him anymore.. he's got less patience with mi now den in the past.. maybe datz a sign.. nowadaes, meetin up with mi seems to sap him of his energy, n his lethargy sets off mine.. n we juz make each other unhappy.. oh dear.. n we r stuck in a rut.. i need to find ways to break out of it.. find new things dat we can do together.. spend less time together.. quality over quantity.. i shall curb my temper more, flare up less, be more patient.. i muz give him space, give him freedom.. coz i've figured dat, the more insecure i am, the tighter i'll try to hold on to him, n the more i'll stifle him.. i need to curb my pessimism, n allay my fears n insecurities.. i will not allow the relationship to sink coz of mi.. i wonder, how long can ppl stay in love.. 
Waiting For Love. Boring boring dae.. wat more can be said? Happie Bdae to my dearest Bro!! datz all.. 
alrite, it looks abit empty but was designed by mi nevertheless.. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ONE N ALL!!! i hope u guys had a great time n lotsa presents n no hangovers.. =) ~ christmas eve was spent in town with Bunny n kenneth, his fren. went to meet Bunny for dinner at Bugis first, coz the 2 of them were there to buy gifts.. so kenneth went to his aunt's place for dinner whiile i ate with Bunny in Mac. we also bought a carton of 12 sprayin streamers to "arm" ourselves against the onslaught of foam n streamers dat will be sprayed on us when we hit town later dat nite. so, after dinner, Bunny n i headed for town to meet up with Iman n his frens.. saw Jin Rui, PeiZhen, Bryan n CKX while on the way to bugis mrt.. after meetin with Iman n company for awhile, we flitted over to the Swensens over at Crown Prince Hotel to meet Bunny's sec skoolmates.. n the bunch of us went on to walk down frm orchard to PS.. after which, we walked around abit in PS, before takin a brief respite at the Long John Silvers there.. they played cards til we were told by the staff dat it wasn't allowed there n so, his sec skoolmates headed off to play midnite soccer, while mi, Bunny n kenneth (who had met up with us again by den) walked back to town for the countdown.. ~ town was a chaos.. ppl sprayin stuff all around. ppl everywhere, jostlin abt.. i reallie dislike those foreign workers (dun wanna be too specific here). they were juz tryin to grope everywhere. n they were rude, n rough. Marcus n Jianchen, i muz reallie commend u 2 for the very gd protection u guys provided mi with the previous 2 yrs.. nw, i reallie appreciate it.. u guys did a wonderful job.. hmm.. sad to sae, i got pretty pissed when i din get the same degree of protection last nite, n had to fend of quite a few gropers myself by firmly elbowin them n pushin them away. i curse dat they will face eternal unemployment n get deported back so dat they can no longer grope at the ppl here in situations like last nite.. hmm.. but i muz say dat Bunny tried wat he could to keep mi safe.. i curse the ppl who leaned in close n sprayed foam at my face too.. i hope u peepz will live with perpetual breakouts.. whahahaa... saw ppl pickpocketin too.. haiz.. i think quite a few guys who wanted to spray foam at mi saw my pissed/ anguished/ (act) poor-thing look n decided against sprayin mi.. haha.. opened my eyes wide n looked wounded n helpless while i looked around at the peepz.. hahaa... think dat put a few guys off frm sprayin at mi.. those who did were sadists n there were quite a few of them.. :p after we got tired of the whole mess, we headed over to Bunny's house n washed up.. den the 2 of them played chess n PS2, while i read.. had a supper of half-boiled eggs n bread.. after dat, lights out at abt 5.. woke up at 8+ to take a cab home coz Bunny was worried dat his sis will be unhappie dat i stayed over.. so, wat to do but get out of the way fast? wakin up beside him was enough for mi not to give him grief as to how come Kenneth can stay as long as he liked while his sis felt so strongly against mi. but i'm still stingin frm it.. =( ~ n Marcus, thanx for callin mi to wish mi Merry Christmas! surprised to hear frm u.. i would have like spendin Christmas eve with the "usual bunch of ppl" too.. though they r not such a "usual bunch" for mi.. hardly get to see them even once a yr.. gosh.. miss u guys so much.. haiz.. wld have liked to spend chrismas eve at the esplanade with u guys again too.. anyway, thanx for callin!! =) n thanx to all those who wished mi Merry Christmas! happie to noe dat u guys still remember mi even when u r havin fun this festive season.. =) but i wonder how come none of my frens asked mi out to celebrate christmas.. i see Bunny floode with invites n wondered wat was wrong with mi, dat i din even garner a single invite anywhere.. gosh.. saded.. ~ well, nw, i can disclose wat i gave Bunny. got him a plain wooden photo frame n spruced it up with stickers of stars.. den drew a pic of a Christmas tree n wrote a short message n framed it up.. abit on the cheaper side (told u i'm broke) but, hmm.. hope itz redeemed by the fact dat u can't get it anywhere else.. as for him, he got mi a golden box of long stemmed red roses, which is actually chocs wrapped n made to look like stalks of red roses put together as a bouquet.. itz super nice!! itz imported frm Korea n can be found at a candy stall in Bugis Village.. the one dat i mentioned on my blog previously.. i think i'll juz keep them like dat forever n not eat them.. eatin them seems to be a very big waste.. =)
This is my bro, Eugene Tan Jun Ping, with his act sian/ stoned face.. whahahhaaaaa... :p juz got home frm lau pa sat.. =) went to eat satay there with Bunny.. i reallie muz recommend, STALL 1'S FATMAN SATAY IS THE BEST!!!!! heehee.. itz darn nice.. anyone who goes there muz try it.. dun settle for the other stalls.. haha.. it opens at around 7+pm n they will close off the stretch of road at abt 7.30pm to set up tables n chairs for the customers.. woohoo!! nice satay!! after the food, we went to 7-11 to get drinks.. coz i was quite curious as to how beer tastes like, we bought a can of Heineken n shared it.. it was interspersed with the Bu Shuang strawberry milk soda.. hmm.. the beer din taste too bitter so itz quite nice .. hmm.. shall go get his Xmas pressie ready later.. wonder wat to plan for tmr.. kinda want to go to the countdown dat will be in orchard but i'll need to get him hyper abt it, as well as ask his frens.. (-_-lll he's like not very keen on celebratin.. how ah? wat to plan? (x_x)
I NEED IDEAS FOR A CHRISTMAS PRESENT FOR HIM N I NEED IT FAST!!!!
n i'm BROKE!! HELP~  Losing Myself.. datz how i seem to feel.. i'm not too sure.. i'm growin uncertain of myself.. i dun noe whether the things i do r right or wrong.. tired.. so weary of everything.. do i need some time off by myself?? my eyes hurts.. n i din go to work.. they din bother callin mi either.. wat the hell.. it seems like i'm no loss to anyone..
darn picassa screwed up the pic again.. grrr.. =(
think i'm out of touch with talkin to ppl for too long.. especially strangers.. unlike the last time i worked, todae, i found myself dreadin the job, coz i juz din noe wat to sae to the customers.. =( i figured it takes time for mi to get to dat stage again, for mi to familiarise myself with the job requisites of workin in sales.. todae was tough.. tougher than i imagined.. my legs r achin nw.. i went at 3, n went off at 7+.. 4+ hrs n my legs r protestin.. i can't imagine if i have to work the full day.. it'll be horrid.. think i wun even be able to make it home.. =( the job is stressful.. coz i have no idea how to handle the customers.. i'm not familiar with the gds in the shop.. i can't find the enthusiasm to smile sincerely at the customers.. i dun noe wat to sae to them, n when i do speak, half the time they can't hear mi properly.. throughout the time, i was wonderin when i can go off to meet Bunny.. (-_-lll ugh.. this job is so tough!!! n nw den i realise the importance of colleagues.. when i was workin at Strawberry, there was Rebecca to advise mi n help mi out constantly.. she was full of gossips too n made the job reallie fun.. =) when i got transferred to Qoo.G, there was Yuling n she made the job fun too as we had lotsa common topics n the both of us were not too demandin of each other n so the work was quite slack.. also, i was surrounded by other shop keepers who were of my age n havin them to talk to, as well as bein able to hang around in their shops made the job very interestin n fulfillin.. todae, i found out dat i got a rather demandin colleague.. i'm not even sure abt her name.. Amy or Emmy?? (x_x) i'm not gd with names.. n i think in dat 4+hrs dat i worked, i did more work than her? though of coz, she was better at gettin the customers to buy.. afterall, she's been workin there for almost 2 yrs already.. so, it was rather stressful for mi, coz i was scared dat i might become a liability rather than an asset.. i've forgotten how to be a salesgal.. =( n my heart wasn't in the job, coz i'm workin not coz i wan to, but coz i need the money.. under this circumstances, itz rather hard for mi to derive job satisfaction when i dun wanna work in the first place.. n without job satisfaction, the job is almost meaningless to mi, like a chore dat i'm forced to do.. anyway, Amy, is rather scary.. she reminded mi of the Cat (not mi) frm when i was workin at Strawberry.. i get the feelin dat there's someone keepin an eagle eye on mi, though i'll prefer to think dat Amy is not the tattletale/ backstabbin sort like Cat was.. i wonder if i shld go to work tmr.. yes, they decided to hire mi despite my incapability n inefficiency.. (-_-lll i'll very much prefer to start workin onli after Christmas though.. shld i turn up for work tmr? or shld i tell them dat i dun wanna work there anymore? i dun feel like.. yet i'm wonderin if i shld persist.. wat to do? gee.. n i still got the debt to think abt.. Christmas, the due date, is drawin near.. =(  It's A Snaily Day.. this pic is juz adorable.. with all the pastels.. =) n it perfectly describes todae.. i guess i got Bunny hooked on the game Maple Story.. (-_-lll watchin him tryin to kill snails in the game n gettin almost killed instead was super funnie.. whahaha.. my bro had to guide him n teach him the ropes.. :p n i have to sae, snails shld be the easiest to kill in the game.. heehee.. guess he'll improve.. this is afterall, onli his second time at the game.. tmr, i'll be headin down to far east level one, MaryJane, to try out for the job for a few hours, at 3pm.. wish mi luck.. somehow, though i need the money, i dun reallie wan the job.. i feel like i'm not up to it.. =( n i'll hate to be too busy to meet up with Bunny.. i'm growin addicted to seein him everydae.. haiz.. maybe if i make it thru tmr's tryout, n they decide to hire mi, i can convince them to let mi start work onli after Christmas?? wonder if i can do dat.. (x_x) i sure hope so.. den at least i can be sure dat i'll be free on Christmas to spend it with him.. n i dun have the money, time, or inspiration to prepare him a gift!!! wat to do??!!! ugh.. this is such a bad yr.. darn.. any gift suggestions?? well.. wish mi luck for tmr.. PS: do stop harpin on how tall (or rather, short) i am.. not funnie.. :p  Catch Me If You Can i've discovered dat i have an inclination for sports!!! heehee.. =) played basketball n abit of soccer with Bunny on fri nite.. okie okie.. the "soccer" consisted of onli us passin the ball to each other or mi, aimin it to him n slammin it into the wall instead, or, him tryin out stunts with it.. haha.. since it was the private court at his house, there was no one to watch mi embarrass myself.. :p he said i can consider joinin our skool's soccer team though, coz i can kick reallie hard.. (-_-lll whahhaa.. i got strong legs!! thanx to my 3 yrs+ of dance background.. "basketball" saw us shootin hoops frm different spots on the court, with the soccerball doin double duty as a basketball too.. haha.. found out dat my my aims r more accurate then Bunny's!! YAY!!! most of my shots went in, n his din.. not as often anyway.. whahahahaa.. sweet, sweet victory. =) the onli edge he had over mi was his height n his strength.. [wat to do? he's 180 while i'm wat? 154?? (x_x)n he's a guy, n a strong guy at dat.. ) so, the onli thing i cldn't beat him at were the 3-pointer shots coz my arms r not strong enough to fling the ball high enough, or far enough. n the onli time i cldn't beat him was when he's poised before mi, blockin my view, as well as my way.. darn.. (-_-lll but it was fun seein my shots goin in while he missed a few more than mi.. heehee.. glee.. alas.. i din get off unscathed frm the sudden participation in sports.. =( i think i kicked the ball too hard or scraped my toe against the concrete floor.. coz i ended up with a cracked toenail!! part of it snapped off while the other part still dangles there, on the brink of snappin off too any moment, shld i catch it against anything.. (o_O) n there was some bleedin.. ugh.. i din even notice the nail until i found dat my toe hurt n looked down casually to observe my feet.. befoer i saw the state of my toenail, i was ready to dismiss the pain as a result of the impact on my toe, when my feet slammed into the ball when i kicked it.. oopz! heehee.. hmm.. i prefer basketball to soccer.. n Bunny even asked if i've played basketball in the past.. whahhaa.. guess i'm quite gd at it? teehee.. =) i dun mind shootin hoops with him again.. yay!! =) went to walk around in chinatown with him.. saw one of our skoolmates workin there.. haha.. seems to mi dat our skoolmates r poppin up in the strangest n most unexpected places!!! interestin places where they find jobs.. haha.. chinatown was rather interestin.. colourful is more the word.. =) wonder wat i'm doin tmr... =) 
Winter Eye below is a story dat i came up with sometime last yr.. decided to put it up before Christmas so dat i wun spoil the Christmas mood dat anyone might already be in.. =) -Who were you, before you became a princess? -Let me tell you a story It was the story of matchsticks. Winter's Tale I was twelve years old then, peddling boxes of matchsticks in the streets of London during that bitter cold winter, as I've done annually, since six winters ago. It was snowing heavily as I wandered the streets and came across the family. Looking into the frosted windows, I saw the roaring fire and their Christmas feast. With my rumbling stomach, I tried to stave off my hunger as I imagined myself at the other side of the windows. Life at home was miserable, with Father going a-whoring everyday leaving me to pay off his gambling debts. Mother had long deserted us for her ideals of becoming a designer. It was hard and I barely managed to scrape past the months by doing odd jobs. Winter was the hardest, and I had to sell matchsticks to get more money. As dusk sets into night, the air grew colder around me but still I could not tear my eyes from the window. I was aware that the sales that Christmas Eve was poor due to my inattentiveness on my work but I couldn't fight the attraction the lights and warmth held for me. When the family entered the room, I hurriedly shied away from the window I've been peering through. Hoping to feel the warmth of the room through the walls, I pressed myself to it and lighted a matchstick. I was like a moth, drawn to the light I've seen, and as I held the tiny light from the matchstick, I was entranced by what I saw in the flame. Maybe I was delirious with cold but the wondrous sight beheld within the flame was beyond words. As the flame faltered, so did the vision, and I had to hastily re-light another matchstick. This went on throughout the night and as dawn was approaching, I was nearing the last of my matchsticks. I was frozen numb with cold by then and sleep was calling to me. As I bundled myself with my shawls and curled myself against the wall, seeking a comfortable sleeping position and drowsily watching the flames of the remaining matchsticks, I heard voices coming from a distance. Suddenly, I felt myself cradled by a pair of strong arms and soft hands brushing my hair from my face. "Look at the poor little thing! She must be frozen stiff! Thank goodness we saw the glow from the flames. We must take her back with us." A woman's soft voice cooed. That was the last thing I heard before I slipped into a deep slumber. So you see, that was how I came to be adopted and made princess. I've never looked back since then and I do not ever want to go back to my previous lifestyle. I've seen my father beaten up by creditors in the streets when passing in my carriage. I think he believes me dead but it does not matter to me, not when I'm in a higher position than neither of my parents can ever reach or even dream to be. ~The End~ 
Road To Fairyland went down to Cathay Pacific's office, at Ocean Buildin, todae with mum.. the tic is reallie not refundable.. nor exchangeable, nor transferable.. dat means i'm stuck with it.. haha.. i can laugh abt it coz i've already come to terms with it.. my mum never fails to surprise mi.. she's amazingly calm abt everything n can even crack jokes abt it.. i think secretly, she's relieved dat i'm not goin.. n the money? dad refuses to help mi pay first, n my mum told mi dat she's afraid if dat if she helps to fork out the money, my dad will scold her too.. itz kinda funnie to mi, the scenario. n i understand dat she's in a spot, coz my dad has the same kind of temper as mi.. (datz wat comes when both of us r virgoans) so, i'm not upset dat she can't help mi out with the money first.. but i'm rather disappointed dat my dad is so adamant.. guess he wans mi to learn to shoulder the responsibilty for my decisions, so, i'm okie with dat.. haha.. i'm nw in a debt of $377.50. n my mum told mi to frame up the air tic, n i retorted dat i'll caption it "The $377.50 Worth Mistake" (-_-lll we tend to make crappy jokes out of the most unfortunate happenings.. haha.. call it dark humour.. :p frm nw on, i shall do budgetin.. n i think i might borrow the money frm Bunny first, n den pay him back after i work n get paid.. wat to do? he's not in a rush to get repaid, while the other person is.. so i'll juz have to transfer the debt frm the person, to Bunny.. but i feel bad abt borrowin frm Bunny, or in fact, anyone else. But especially him.. i think i'm super indebted to him, of all ppl.. oh gosh.. ~ n i think hormones have to play a part in The Mystery of the Suddenly Clear Skin. (-_-lll sad to sae.. my skin is in abit of crisis again.. though itz nothing dat expert make-up can't hide, but i reallie dun wan to use make-up to cover up anymore.. sick of it.. slpin hours also play a big part, coz these few daes, i've been keepin rather late hours.. n i think i haven't been drinkin enuf water either, coz i've been out everydae n i tend to drink very little water when i'm outside.. nw, i'm feelin perpetually thirsty.. (-_-lll n den i'll drink loads at nite, when i'm home.. n risk water retention!! *gasp!* vicious cycle.. =( ugh.. ~ but i've been feelin very happie these daes, coz i've been seein Bunny everydae! =) i'm such a clingy gf.. whahahhaa.. basically, i dun mind spendin every min of my life with him. n coz we r not stressed up, we r also in better moods n the atmosphere is fun n cheery most of the time!!! yay!!! i'm been extra cheerful these few nites n kept hoppin around while we r walkin to my house, when he sends mi home.. there r more laughs n more smiles nw!! i'm feelin lucky dat i have a bf who'll send mi home everytime we r out together.. i noe itz rather lonely n very tirin when he have to head back home alone.. so i reallie appreciate it dat he sends mi home without complainin.. (this appreciation shows dat i dun take him for granted) ~ Life is wonderful now.. (the only flaw is my skin n my moodswings.. ugh) heehee.. =) bliss.  The Offering think i've found work. parents refused to help mi out with the money, so i figured i'll borrow around, den work to pay it off.. if i get hired, i'll have $900 as basic pay n datz like enuf to pay the debt twice over.. whahahhaa.. so, i'm pissed, but i've found a way out i think. ~ thanx Bunny for offerin to help mi out with the money. =) touched.. of coz not forgettin JK n Manda.. thanx for the offers.. ~ half of mi is lookin forward to workin, the other dreads it.. once i start workin, i'll have money, n i'll be preocupied. but den, it'll also mean i'll have little time for Bunny coz i'll turn into this workaholic freak. dilema.. n wat i'm afraid of is, he might not even miss my presence. i've been spendin these past few daes with him, everydae. n while i like being able to see him, though we might end up doin nothing, i wonder if he feels the same.. i'm juz so horribly insecure. if i'm single, i'll probably like start work straight-away without a second thought. the onli reason y i'm findin work already is coz of this debt dat i wanna pay off asap. my initial plan was to wait til after Christmas before findin work, so as to be sure to be free durin the Christmas season n before he goes back to Indonesia, n be able to spend time with him. nw, itz all dashed due to a moment's folly. i hate myself. guess i have no choice nw.. wish i'll get the work n be able to juggle everything, wish he'll miss my presence when i do work, wish he'll visit mi at work, wish he'll be around, wish he'll never leave. but alas, i noe the last wish cannot be fulfilled.. ~ will he be like those bfs dat my ex-collegues had? those who'll send their gf to work n den pick them up after work? he's already told mi dat his fren said dat workin at far east will entail bein pestered by guys. this i noe. does he tellin mi dat shows he's worried? well, no worries for him. i'm not dat drop-dead desirable or attractive.. haha. can't imagine bein pestered by guys.. impossible! ~ mixed feelins abt workin nw.. but den, i'm not even sure dat i'll get hired.. :p haha.. too much undue worries? wait til i pass the acid test on Mon at 3pm.. shall have to go there n show the peepz dat i'll make a gd sales assistant so dat they'll hire mi. in the meanwhile, i shld think abt settlin the debt. 
No Easy Way Out a rather busy dae. i've bought myself a rather expensive lesson.. literally.. a lesson dat costs mi $377.50 ~ tried to cancel my tic to HK, but was told dat electronic tics cannot be refunded.. oh well.. nw i'm tryin to convince my parents to pay on my behalf first, n i'll pay them back later.. but they r so stubborn abt it, sayin dat they'll call up the company n ask coz their age lends them more authority.. dat may be true in a sense, but can't they see dat i wld have taken any chances at gettin a refund for the tic? n dat i've already made a personal trip to the tour agency, as well as had a phone call made to the airline company? i've even been told by someone experienced in travellin dat, YES! ELECTRONIC TICS CANNOT BE REFUNDED!! Y R THEY SO GODDAMNED ADAMANT DAT I'M NOT COMPETENT ENOUGH??!! CAN THEY WAKE UP N SEE THE LIGHT DAT, HELLO!! I'VE TRIED ALL THE WAYS POSSIBLE N WHICHEVER WAY U EXAMINE THIS PROBLEM, THERE'S NO WAY OUT EXCEPT TO PAY!! THERE'S NO WAY I'M GONNA OWE ANYONE $377.50.. N DATZ FINAL!! for heaven's sake, i'm juz askin them to help mi pay first, n den i'll find a job, earn money, n pay them back! so wat the hell. the money is still gonna come from my hardwork eventually, not theirs! can they stop harpin to mi dat i'm throwin money away? i see the fact dat they r concerned, n dat itz not fair dat i have to ask them to tide mi over first, but, can they see dat, itz all short term, i'm gonna PAY THEM BACK with MY OWN HARD-EARNED MONEY!! n yes, i noe money isn't easy to come by coz i have workin experience. I NOE! n advisin mi to not pay is not a viable option. it will not onli reflect badly on my upbringin, it'll taint ppl's impression on their teachin of their children. i'm tryin to show ppl dat, hey! my parents brought mi up well n inculcated the right values in mi, but they (parents) r sayin to mi "u dun have to act like u r so noble" i dun think i'm bein noble. i'm juz doin wat i shld, n wat i noe is right. so, wat is their problem? they'll rather i tarnish ppl's impression of our family's values, juz to save on material possessions? like i sae, if u wan money, it can be earned, when u work for it. but things like respect, n ur own morals, it must be upheld, coz itz not easily earned, n once tarnished, will always bear a stain. i might be idealistic or naive to them, but to mi, this is watz ingrained in mi. if they r so uptight over money, if it makes them feel better, i'll do my best to earn loads in the future, such dat 377.50 will be considered nothing. ~ n lesson bought? nv act on momentary impulse n feelings, n always weigh the pros n cons, as well as the opp cost n be sure if u r willin to take them. n once taken, dun regret, n if regrets abound, remedy it n not run. runnin doesn't help coz things will always have a way of catchin up. 
I Always Will Be any one noes wat the insistence on only dark red, plain, bedsheets signify? i have a fetish for red bedsheets, n i insist dat my bed can onli be dressed in dark red. it seems hedonistic to mi. coz red always seems to signify passion n dark red seems to be full of a dark sensuality, deeper than red. like wine, like blood, like red, red roses. full-bodied red. racy red, like red ferraris, red lights, alarms.. wat does this fetish show abt mi? esp dat itz for my bed, a place for rest, n the stage for a horizontal dance. hmmm... 
Give Me Forgiveness BOO!! in a fix.. tryin to get out of it.. ~ this is dedicated to Bunny. i'm sorry dat i din tell u everything frm the start. i reallie din like doin dat. anyway, i'm sorry, n i wun do anything like dat again. frm nw on, i'll tell u anything n everything u wanna noe, until u get sick of hearin n think i nag too much.. :p i'm so sorie i disappointed u.. n each time i think of this, i can't help but cry. my heart hurts, at the thought dat i could have lost u, for the thought dat i've hurt u. this is the reason y i was sittin on the floor this mornin while u were slpin. i din noe how to face u, n i din wan u to see mi cry. thank you for not stayin mad at mi. thank you for lettin mi explain. i'll understand if u never trust mi again, coz it was all my fault for not tellin u the whole truth. on this account, i'm reallie a terrible gf. i wun evade ur qns again, n will tell u the full picture of any situations dat i'm in frm nw on. i'm reallie very sorie. n i'm thankful dat instead of holdin it against mi, u r helpin mi think of ways out, n to help mi settle the situation. i'm thankful for ur concern for mi. i hope we can let this pass, n i hope u can reallie forgive mi, n i hope u can stay back longer in s'pore. i reallie hop i can spend more time with u, before u reallie have to go. n i promise dat i wun be goin anywhere no matter wat. i'll stay here n wait for u to come back.. ~ i hereby proclaim dat i'm not goin to HK. no way. n no regrets, coz it was purely my own choice. so, well, if anyone's been thinkin abt askin mi to buy stuff back, sorie but the idea can be dropped le.. ~ haiz.. i seem to have a tendency to get myself into messes den try to scramble back frm it.. wth.. i hope i'm not born with it.. tough livin a life like dat, when it consists of gettin into meses n tryin to get out of messes.. trust mi, itz not nice. each time i get my life shaken up n den, i have to pick up the pieces again n piece them back. itz alrite if it onli concerns mi. but each time, no matter how i try to keep it under, it'll eventually affect the ppl around mi. n i reallie dun wan these to happen, again n again, out of my own stupid choices, coz i noe how it'll cost mi, n how much i might hurt the peeps around mi. thinkin abt this, i juz hate myself. can't i not get into fixes like these? i dun need them to noe dat i'm still alive n kickin. i hate myself for my knack at gettin myself in trouble, n inadvertedly draggin ppl along, n hurtin them. haiz.. i reallie hate causin ppl trouble. i reallie hate hurtin ppl. given the choice, i'll rather take all these upon myself, den have it inflicted on the ppl i care abt. vexed. 
Muse i need one. for my current state of uninspired-ness
i keep wonderin the reason for my suddenly wondrously clear skin.. could it be....
1) these few daes i've been slpin without the dryin effects of aircon on my skin. 2) slpin without aircon means dat i slp with fresh air in my room, n itz gd for my skin. 3) i've been relatively keepin to the beauty slp hours, within 10pm to 2 am. 4) the hormonal change due to my period. 5) no skool, no stress. (i swear my previously flawless skin went wrong onli after i entered the darned skool) 6) drinkin a glass of warm water first thing in the mornin when i wake up. 7) the honey dat i eat with my bread for breakfast. 8) the fact dat i slap on the minimum skincare products nwadaes. (dependin on whether i apply makeup) 9) the miraculous efffect of the SKII treatment essence, aka miracle water? 10) a combination of some of the above factors.. wat a mystery.. hope to keep it up though.. until my skin is reinstated back to its former flawless-ness.. :p though if this week pass n i get breakouts again, den i can reallie simply juz slate it down to hormonal changes.. i hope not.. one week of gd skin as compared to other's 3 weeks?? not fair!! so, pretty pls.. let my body system NOT work reversely frm the norm.. i'm weird enuf as it is.. (-_-lll PS: this is in purple coz i've always thought purple embodies mystery.. (mi n my weird perceptions, AGAIN.)
went out todae, to help my bro return his library bks n to meet up with Bunny...
a rather eventful dae.. ~ first, i got fleeced.. okie okie.. mayb datz the wrong word to use.. more like "charitable".. (-_-lll i went to J8 first, to help Bunny buy herbal tea for his sore throat, n coz i was lazy to walk frm my house to AMK mrt, so decided to take a bus to BIshan mrt instead.. :p before i managed to walk to J8 frm the bus stop, i met Cutthroat No 1.. he was apparently helpin to sell those "charity" tics to raise funds for some program.. nw nw.. the word charity is in brackets coz i've grown rather skeptical of all these tics dat they sell, in the name of charity.. coz i've been told dat some of the associations were actually fake, n dat the ppl were paid to sell them.. n this piece of knowledge came onli after i've bought a couple of tics frm dat same organisation. DAMN.. but, he was goin on n on abt the "charity" thing, n he had a sore throat.. his voive was very hoarse.. n out of pity for him, n a strange sort of admiration for his persistence n effort in persuadin mi, as well as the thought in my head dat if wat he said was true, i'll be helpin out some kids, i bought a tic frm him, for $5.. den i told him dat he shld give his throat a rest, before i walked off on my way.. hopin dat i did indeed do a gd deed, n is not merely helpin to line the pockets of some unscrupulous ppl dat is buyin on sympathy to earn money.. den, i realised dat, i gave him the money, but he din give mi a tic.. (-_-lll oh well, one less piece of paper to dispose of, i thought.. upon reachin the medicinal shop at the J8's basement, i met Cutthroat No 2. guess wat. one bottle of herbal tea cost mi $5.. (0_o) not cutthroat?? WTH!!! i can boil the herbal tea by myself too, with better ingredients, n it'll still cost less.. DAYLIGHT ROBBERY!!!! even the famous herbal tea shop in AMK central, sells better quality herbal tea at a cheaper price of $2 per bottle!! n the shop have even been introduced on by a TV programme before! darn! the last time, i bought a bottle of honey ginseng herbal tea, n it cost onli $2.. n it worked.. the bottle i bought todae frm Cutthroat No 2, not even ginseng, n out of no choice, coz i told Bunny i'll buy herbal tea for him, did not even help!! n it cost $3 more!! UGH.. so, i got fleeced a second time.. =( upon reachin orchard mrt, i waited for Bunny, coz he ended up late.. while waitin, i met Cutthroat No 3. again, some "charity" thing.. n this time, i donated $2.. again due to givin the person the benefit of my doubt.. tell mi. do i have the sort of face dat says "i'm a super softie, n i give ppl the benefit of the doubt. so, come n fleece mi. i'm super trustin, easily persuaded, guillible, n so if u ask mi for donation, u wun go empty-handed." (0_o) becoz i realise dat ppl like to ask mi for donations!!! i almost met Cutthroat No 4, but onli din coz i told him dat i've already donated money to his fren.. WTF!!! do i honestly have the "i'll donate money if u try to talk my ear off" look?? (-_-lll coz many a times, i donate out of the goodness of my heart, coz i see dat the ppl were havin a hard time gettin donations, n if i can help them shorten the hours they have to spend standin around for donations, y not?? i've been known to buy tissues at $1 per packet. i've been known to donate money to ppl who ask, even if itz 3 times in a row. (todae was juz another fine example) ugh.. y do i have a problem with rejectin ppl who does "charity"?? unlike alot of ppl, i juz can't get myself to ignore those peepz n walk away, or harshly/ firmly refuse them.. i'm juz fleece-able aren't i?? =( ~ another thing dat happened.. i got talent scouted.. (0_0) wat?? u can't believe ur eyes?? neither can i.. but itz true.. I GOT TALENT SCOUTED.. uh huh.. while standin at orchard mrt waitin for Bunny.. (-_-lll i thought it was another person tryin to fleece mi.. haha.. oopz.. :p can't balme mi for thinkin dat, after i've been fleeced of a total of $12.. half the amt of money dat i brought out with mi todae.. =( so the adorable lookin girl approached mi n told mi she's workin for this company, n they r out talent scoutin for ppl to do ads, modelin etc.. itz mostly freelance, n she asked if i was interested.. of coz i was feelin rather flattered n thought "why not?", when she asked if it was alrite with mi to leave my contact no n name.. so i scribbled it down for her.. she's reallie very adorable lookin.. YES, I'M STRAIGHT!! AS STRAIGHT AS ONE LINE OUT OF A PAIR OF PARALLEL LINES CAN BE!! gee.. anyway, this wasn't the first time i was approached.. the previous few times, since sec 4, i din qualify coz i was under 18.. :p n todae, the girl had to ask my age, which means dat i looked under 18 still!! whahhaa.. YAY!! I LOOK YOUNG!!!! haha.. :p anyway, the company called mi up to ask if i was interested to go for a sort of meet-up tmr, at their agency in Taka.. heehee.. the call came when i was watchin National Treasure with Bunny at Cine, n since i dun react well to interruptions (not like itz their fault i noe), i rejected them.. oopz.. :p coz frankly, i dun think i cut the grade.. yes, itz true dat this is not the first time i've been approached by these peepz.. n itz true dat i've accompanied my cousin to dat same agency before, to have them mistake mi as the one goin for the meet-up.. n itz true dat the person appeared more interested in mi than my cousin.. but look at those models around.. do i cut it?? i dun think so.. (eepz.. think i seem to have done some braggin.. heehee.. (-_-lll) so anyway, i got talent scouted todae.. ~ i also learned a fact abt myself.. *guys, brace urselves* i seem to get better skin when i'm havin "the time of the month", than on usual daes.. this wld not be the case in most females, who get breakouts when approachin "that time of the month", due to hormonal fluctuations.. this might seem great, n shld make mi have greater acceptance when "the time" rolls around.. (i usually hate it n lament abt it like nobody's business) until u consider something.. this means dat while other females enjoy 3 weeks of normal/ gd skin per month, i get onli 1.. (-_-lll the rest of the time, i'm quite prone to breakouts.. =( juz when i thought i've found a perk to it.. gee... ~ well, this have been sufficiently long winded.. been typin rather a lot of long posts recently.. PS: peepz with whom i've taken pics with on promnite, can u pls send them to mi thru my email, or msn?? thanx a million n sorie for the trouble.. =) PPS: National Treasure is quite a nice show.. =) PPPS: Picassa screwed up the pic todae, so no pic.. :p
went to Mt Alvernia with mum coz bro had a blood test n my aunt (nanny) suggested we go over too, in case he needs to stay at the hospital n his info is needed for registration.. we reached home abt 10.30+..
my mum n aunt lost appetite for dinner coz of my bro.. hope dat when he gets well, he'll remember this n see how much they care for him, n treat them much better..coz he tends to be nonchalant n irritated over their naggins sometimes, such dat he seems very aloof.. remembered a snippet of the phone conversation mum had with dad last nite. i caught her sayin "ya, i noe i'm fallin sick too. but if it means dat his (my bro) spreadin the bacteria to mi means dat he'll get better, i dun mind".. omigod.. i was close to tears when i heard it.. such is the selfless givin of a mother's love, the highest of love.. n this was again displayed juz nw, when my bro was gnashin on his own teeth as a side effect of a medicine dat the previous doc gave him.. his nerves were all pulled taut as a result, n he had no choice but to turn his head to the side, due to the body's reflexes over which he had no control.. his teeth was gnashin together too, the upper n lower rows, n he was in so much pain n frustration, it hurt mi to see it.. he was even tryin to pry his mouth open by bitin on his fingers as the gnashin hurt his teeth, n he was close to tears.. he was very brave though. he shed not a tear. when my mum saw wat he was doin, she let him bite on her finger instead, coz she was afraid he'll hurt himself. n i noe my bro hated dat, coz he knew he was bitin down very hard, but he reallie cldn't do anything abt it.. there were tears in his red-rimmed eyes. n by dat time, i was very panicky n angry with the inefficiency of the docs.. my aunt alerted the nurse n they gave him a wooden stick (those kind dat docs use to press ur tongue down when they ask u to sae "ahh.." n look at ur throat) we were so afraid dat he might accidentally bite his own tongue, n we wanted to minimise his pain as much as possible. it was so painful lookin at his pain-filled eyes.. i wanted to cry, but i cldn't.. coz i had to be strong for my mum.. she's fallin sick too, n so worried, i cldn't possibly break down.. i can onli cry nw, recallin how horrible it was at the hospital juz nw.. i've never seen my bro so sick before. n i miss the bright-eyed n sharp-tongued bro dat i noe, not this tired-lookin stranger, who's too prideful to show when he hurts. i hate this stranger n i hope he goes away soon. my mum is tired, i noe. i hate the doc who administered the offendin medicine to him.. does he noe dat juz coz his fever is rather high, u do not have to give him a strong medicine to keep off his nausea? juz a strong medicine for for fever alone is enough. wat is he? DUMB?! juz coz he works the nite shift means he can be slack? shldn't it be the other goddamned way round?! my bro's not an elephant. or a dinosaur. one type of strong medication is enough. there's onli so much poison a body can take! if it weren't for ur bloody incompetence, my bro wld have been well by nw! if i can, i'll reallie like to strangle dat doc with my bare hands, den raze his clinic to ashes. n dat doc at mt alvernia wasn't too efficient either.. wat do u mean u've juz ran out of the jab?? if datz the case, shldn't u be runnin as fast as ur short stumpy legs can take u, to the pharmacy where they have supplies?? instead of waitin til we absolutely have to remind u dat my bro is in pain?! wat the hell is wrong with u?! no wonder i hate docs.. though if i can, i'll be a doc, so i can take care of my loved ones.. sadly, datz not an option open to mi anymore.. i hated seein the pain-wracked, tired, helpless, frustrated eyes of my bro.. when he looked at mi, it felt as though he was seekin for comfort n strength frm mi, coz both my mum n aunt were frettin, he cldn't take it.. can he finally be well soon?? i'll rather i'm sick.. reallie.. i have a stronger constitution, higher threshold for pain, higher tolerance levels, healthier diet, more capabilty in takin care of myself, n adept at self-medication.. pls.. i'll rather be the one who's sick.. coz at least i whine.. he doesn't even tell us when he hurts, n we have to observe by ourselves.. pls let him be more humble, n not try to hide his vulnerability, coz we need him to tell us when he's feelin worse, so dat we can help.. our eyes r not open 24/7... n pls, dun let my mum fall sick.. she's so worried nw, she doesn't take gd care of herself.. i hate docs. n i'm hungry n tired n stressed n sapped nw.. someone pls provide mi with the strength to keep it up.. mine's flaggin.. nah.. i'll draw frm my inner reserves.. i hate docs. 
Unbareable QUIT IT!!! stop tellin mi i look horrid! stop tellin mi i'm havin a breakout! stop tellin mi dat i've put on weight!! UGH had to take my bro's birth cert over to my aunt's house, coz she's takin him to Mt Alvernia.. so, i had to go over without make-up. (come one, itz onli the next block) while walkin over, there was this guy who looked at mi, even to the extent of turnin around to look when i've walked past him already. i'm not so daft as to think dat he's dazzled by my dropdead gorgeous gd looks. so he muz have been awe-struck by how horrid i look, with dark eye circles n pale, bad skin. i hate it! upon reachin, Someone juz had to comment "how come u eat until so fat?" (direct translation frm mandarin) WTF! this comin frm someone who's like 1 n 1/2 bigger than mi?! can't u see dat i'm wearin an oversized t-shirt n dat any bulk is caused by itz oversized-ness? n itz white!! white is a colour dat causes VISUAL EXPANSION.. itz an optical illusion!! n i'm short. which means i'll look big, coz of all the above stated reasons, further emphasized. so, GET OFF MY CASE! n i can't help it dat i'm more voluptous (read: well-endowed) so.. SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!! itz enough dat i hate lookin into the mirror, unless i'm fully made-up, n sometimes, even when i'm fully made-up! so stop it! i dun need u to trample on an already low self-esteem. n i'm not dat thick-skinned such dat i can laugh it off. so, unless u have something good to sae, shut up ur gap! i dun need to noe how not-good-enough i am in ur eyes. thank you very much but i'll rather live in denial. which i'm not! coz i'm conscious of my own drawbacks. if u r so damn gd, pay for any cosmetic stuff dat i can get done to meet ur criteria for aesthetic perfection. if not, go stare at some pin-up models instead. n most of them r computer-enhanced anyway. so, for good measure, i'll repeat again SHUT UP!! *pt of clarification: this is not directed at Bunny at all, in case datz wat u think. itz not. he's still sweet n adorable n acceptin of mi so far.
did i forget to mention dat a couple of caucasians chatted mi up when i was walkin past them, to meet Shu, at Shangri La's lobby, on promnite??
well, Shu was askin mi to go find him, coz he was gonna try to sneak mi into the ballroom.. yep.. n those caucasians said something to mi dat i cldn't quite catch, while i jogged abit, to the ballroom, in my heels.. hmm... bein ever polite, i flashed a smile at them.. (-_-lll no, i'm not interested in caucasians, nor older men.. :p wondered wat was it exactly dat they said.. hmm.. being an optimist, i hoped it was some compliment.. or i wld have appeared like an idiot, shld it be some derogatory comment.. (x_x)
i almost din realise..
HAPPIE 15th MONTHSARY TO MI N BUNNY!!! =) hopefully we'll get to meet up soon n have a belated celebration.. =) though not todae of coz.. prayin dat he n my bro will get well soon..  Obscure Moon Dust.. magic.. =) >> tot i wld be able to get home n blog abt prom last nite, after gettin home.. but, oopz! i onli got home now, like at 12 noon.. :p went over to Bunny's house to wait for johnson to meet us too.. ordered pizza for dinner n after which, the guys changed into their outfits.. it was super fun, seein them tryin to fix their hair n stuff.. still, as compared to girls, i think guys got the better deal, where dressin up is concerned.. all it takes for them is to find a nice outfit n den slick back their hair.. girls? grapplin with make-up n stuff.. (-_-lll n i have to sae, Bunny looked rather smart n suave last nite.. disregardin anything dat Johnson's gf said.. coz, if the gf dun mind or comment, why shld other ppl? whahaha.. din get into the ballroom coz security was very tight.. still took lots of pics though, when the peepz came out of the ballroom.. onli, ithe pics were not taken usin my cam (i dun have one).. so, i'll have to wait n den hunt down all the ppl with whom i took pics.. (x_x) wat a hassle.. haha.. Shu tried to sneak mi in but, oopz.. to no avail.. i gotta sae dat the guys frm 2A01 looked super smart last nite! n the girls? pretty!! =) well, everyone looked different last nite i guess.. sort of.. n they all look fantabulous! n juz to ask, did my cheapo black dress look Ex?? haha.. juz wonderin if i managed to pull it off.. to tell the truth, the most ex item on mi last nite was my Nine West heels, which cost $100, almost the equivalent of the totalled prices of all the other items on mi, dress, cardigan, necklace n matchin ear rings.. the dress cost onli 50, n was bought at far east level one.. haha.. the cardigan is old, so r the shoes, which was bought for my sec 4 prom.. :p necklace n earrings were bought at wisma isetan, for a total of abt 25+.. :p the total cost is like almost half or even only one-sixth of wat some of the girls last nite spent on their get-up.. whahhaa.. so, did i managed to pull it off? =) ~ after crashin, mi n bunny, johnson n shinbin (not sure if i got her spellin rite), n dexter, took a cab back to bunny's house, where the guys changed into something more casual.. den, we headed down to lau pa sat for food.. a pity dat satay stall 1 had already closed when we got there.. n the stall dat we ordered satays frm? we juz found out dat those peepz r dishonest.. gave us the wrong change, thru givin us ringgit $5, when we tot they gave us Brunei $5.. kaoz.. wat cheats.. i hope their business gets so bad dat they wind up out of business.. :p after supper, which consisted of alot of food, so much dat we cldn't finish them, we decided to walk back to town.. (0_o) madness rite?! esp with mi wearin killer heels.. wat the.. haha.. but the weather was cool n we enjoyed the scenery, until my feet reallie started to ache.. we managed to walk frm Lau Pa Sat until Boat Quay, before givin up n hoppin into a cab.. =) ~ so, we winded up back at Bunny's house! Bunny took a shower n johnson changed into his t-shirt, n a pair of three-quarter pants dat Bunny loaned him.. shinbin n dexter slacked on the bed while i packed my stuff, after changin into a pair of shorts n a tshirt, both belongin to Bunny.. =) den, we chatted for awhile before the peepz settled down to slp, while Bunny was playin online chess with mi watchin.. did i ever mention dat Bunny's bed consist of 2 single beds merged as one? n dat there are still pull-out mattresses, frm under both beds? whahaha.. multiple beds!! but it gotta be said dat the top "layer" of the bed is more comfortable than the pull-out "layer".. n datz where dexter, johnson n shinbin slpt!! on the more comfy layers.. (-_-lll dotz.. three fo them took up 2 single beds!! wat the.. gee... Bunny n i had no choice but to settle for one of the pull-outs.. (x_x) it was reasonably comfy, n the limited space meant dat we had to cuddle reallie close together, n it felt nice snuggled up beside him, as usual.. :p n i do sooo adore the smell of the clothes softener dat his maid used for his clothes.. itz become HIS smell already, coz i always associate it with him.. heehee.. =) by the time Bunny n mi settled down to slp, at 5am, the others were already sound aslp.. it was rather hard to fall aslp initially, but eventually we did, huggin onto each other.. =) ~ wakin up beside him was nice.. though we din get enuf slp, n i cld hardly open my eyes.. it took all my willpower to get up.. after all of us were sufficiently awake, we sat on his beds n chatted.. Bunny was mollified to noe dat dexter had a better nite's slp than he did, right in his own house.. haha.. datz coz he took the best place on the bed, right next to the window, n coz no one was slpin close to him, as shinbin was slpin a distance away frm him, leavin a gap between the 2 of them.. n shinbin ranked 2nd in havin a gd nite's slp.. guess Bunny n i ranked last.. (-_-lll gee.. wat irony.. all of us trooped down to Taka's Mac for breakfast, but din catch it.. =( i wan the scrambled eggs frm the Big Breakfast!! they played some games while eatin n after dat, all headed to our respective homes to rest.. with the exception of dexter perhaps.. coz he was the only one who got a reallie gd slp n was the chirpiest among our lot.. ~ Bunny sent mi home.. =) how sweet rite? esp since he's tired n not feelin particularly well.. he woke up with a sore throat n sounded very hoarse.. poor thing.. =( muz get him to drink more warm water n hopefully some coolin herbal tea.. ~ n my poor bro is still sick.. hope itz juz the common flu n not some mosquito-induced sickness, despite dat his symptoms r rather serious.. mum took off frm work to take care of him.. how come my parents never did dat when i was horribly sick?? gee... guess this sort of attention will onli be showered on mi if i'm on my deathbed, or if i'm like my bro, the baby of the house.. whicheva way, i hope he gets well soon.. i'll rather have an irritatin little bro den some shadow of his usual self.. all fragile-like.. haiz.. ~ well, so datz all abt yest n todae.. coz for the rest of todae, think i'll juz catch up on my rest, n nurse my very blistered n ill-treated feet.. n i miss Bunny already. hope he n my bro recover soon.. PS: all the peepz i took pics with, pls send them to mi too, k? wan to have some remembrance of u guys, esp when all of u looked so fine.. thanx a million! =)
crashin prom in a few hours.. wonder if we'll get to go in.. :p shldn't be dat hard rite? gee.. if onli i can find someone to borrow a digicam frm.. den i'll be all set.. lallaalaa~ excited.. haha.. can't wait to see all the 2A01 peepz!! =)
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The Sleeping Beauty she's always been my favourite Disney princess.. the original version of Sleepin Beauty further adds to my likin for her n the story.. i'm tired.. if onli i can fall into a long, deep, sleep too.. saw Wanling n her fren at Wisma Isetan todae, while i was shoppin for accessories.. i bought something not too spectacular.. (-_-lll went over to Bunny's house coz he wasn't feelin well.. den, we went out for dinner n walked around abit in Taka.. our minds r boggled down with the intricacies of successfully crashin prom tmr.. itz like so troublesome.. maybe we shall not crash tmr?? tired.. i feel so sapped with all the plannin.. think i'll be gettin my hair trimmed tmr morninn so dat it'll be neater.. sooo.. broke.. =( sooo.. tiredddd... the idea of wearin heels tmr hold no great appeal for mi either.. geez.. suddenly, i feel so deflated.. my bro's sick too.. n i'm gettin nagged at to death.. sick of everything, even the trip to HK is losin appeal coz itz juz so much hassle, esp with the way my parents r worryin.. how can i convince them dat all dat is undue worry?? pissed.. i'm not exactly in a "hate the world" mode, but rather, juz tired with all these hassles, undue worries n considerations.. there's too much thinkin goin on! can ppl juz let go?? stop worryin, stop frettin, stop plannin! i'm juz happie with lettin things happen.. wat will happen will happen, wat will not, cannot be forced.. can ppl juz think of this n let go? ugh.. i'm finally on the route to recovery, but i dun feel gd noein dat itz coz i've passed it to my bro.. poor guy will be sufferin for the next few daes i think.. haiz.. n for the first time in who-noes-how-many-years, i might be slpin without aircon tonite.. :p coz i figured dat not switchin it on may be better for both mi n my bro's health.. n itz supposed to be gd for the skin too rite? coz air-con is dryin to the skin? gee.. hope datz the case n my skin will take to it like fish to water.. will rather suffer dry skin than an oily breakout.. datz the worst thing dat can happen with prom bein tmr nite.. (-_-lll argh.. i shall not think of the "wat-ifs" i'm juz tired of everything nw.. mayb i shld go to bed earlier tonite.. juz curl up n drift into blissful oblivion.. i tired. quit buggin mi n give mi a break. HK trip? how i hope to cancel it off..  Jungle Kitty.. this post is meant for Saturdae, although itz typed at 12.46am.. :p juz got home awhile back.. it was fun.. luckily i din stick out too much.. nice bunch of frens.. reallie frenly.. =) realised dat the beach at east coast is nicer than dat of pasir ris too.. though everything is bathed in moonlight so i cldn't reallie judge.. (-_-lll sand appeared to be finer n the beach cleaner.. one drawback.. itz got less boulder-stuff to sit on.. had a stroke of gd luck there too.. shall not elaborate on it.. heehee.. =) anyway, had a nosebleed while i was in my shower juz nw.. =( think i'm too heaty already.. sian-ed.. n my skin feels like crepe paper nw.. dry n fragile.. =( n i think i splashed abit of blood on my toilet door.. due to the nosebleed.. (-_-lll think i lost quite abit of blood, coz the shower kept washin it away n more kept flowin.. argh.. anyway, i seem to be gainin a marked appreciation n likin for the great outdoors.. datz gd, no? but i still hate the sun.. :p 
my favourite pic frm the Olympus ads, My Digital Story, featurin Jun Ji-Hyun. juz got home awhile back.. went to look for accessories to dress up my cheapo black dress for prom so dat it'll look unique n EX.. whahaha.. but.. empty handed where dat is concerned.. so, can't sae i've been too successful.. (-_-lll however, i did buy a peacock green, velvet n lace top.. =) jewel tones!! i'm tryin to add colour into my black-dominated wardrobe.. :p supposed to find some clothes n stuff suitable for the cold weather in HK too.. but.. i din wanna spend too much, so i din.. (money-pincher comin out again..) saw Shu at Paragon, lookin for his prom clothes.. haha.. he looked rather vexed, coz i suppose he's realie tryin to find something gd n time is runnin out!! mondae is prom nite!! well, hope his search went well.. =) lookin forward to seein all my classmates lookin dashin n beautiful.. =) saw er sao, angeline, too.. hmm.. seems like everyone is trawlin town in preparation for prom.. hmm.. everything's fine again.. all dat shld be resolved, have been resolved.. so i'm quite happie todae.. except for dat dratted cough.. (-_-lll itz still buggin mi n my lungs hurt frm coughin so much.. plus, i haven't been slpin well coz of it.. =( imagine goin to bed at 12+am, onli to toss n turn around until u decide to look at ur watch n it saes 3+am?? itz horrible!! no wonder zits r poppin out frm all over the place.. well, hope my partner in Sickdom, manda, is gettin better.. manda, if this doc doesn't work, go to another.. n do try not to stress so much.. ppl!! any tips on destressin n relaxin?? :p goin to Johnson's bbq tmr.. (-_-lll hope i wun be a dampener with my cough.. lookin forward to the beach again.. sea breeze.. yay!! i wish for fine weather tmr!! =) n no food poisonin.. whahaha.. kiddin! :p will probably get to meet alot of Bunny's ex-skoolmates n gd frens so, hope i'll make a gd impression.. itz bad for a relationship when ur bf's frens hate u.. so, pray for mi.. haha.. right.. will go do my bedtime readin again.. =) 
Once Upon A Time i'm hopelessly in love with fairytales.. something frm mi.. he'd shed tears for mi once upon a time she had never known, never truly sure. did he love? she wondered. the pledges rang false in her ears. he's the cat she the mouse together in a game of seek. the elusive prize, a love so high. she had given. did he? nice? :p The Bloody Chamber is such a nice book!! can anyone buy it for mi?? haha.. fairytales with a twist. i like.. =)
i'm officially sick.
anyone can tell mi wat the normal human body temp is?? 34.7? or 37.4? i simply can't rmb.. took my temperature first thing in the mornin n it was 36.9 degrees celsius.. cldn't slp well last nite.. was coughin half the time.. n halfway thru the nite, the rm felt very warm n stuffy, despite the air-con dat was on.. darn.. i was tossin n turnin between the sheets n i din have a restful nite of slp at all.. breakfast was a chunk of french loaf, with cheese.. i wld have eaten it with relish usually, enjoyin the coldess of the cheese, n the crustiness of the bread.. but todae, i finally experienced wat it means when they sae, "the food tasted like sawdust".. not dat i've tasted sawdust before but, it was juz dry.. i was surprised dat the creamy cheese cld actually taste dry.. (-_-lll i'm sick.. drank a tablespoon of cough syrup n my throat felt better.. hmm... does this mean dat if i had taken cough syrup since the dae i started coughin, i wld have been well by nw?? but yucks, i hate medicine, not to mention doctors, though the cough syrup i have at home is quite nice.. nothing like the sticky, gooey, sickly sweet n pink, cherry flavoured confection dat docs dispense as cough syrup.. eeuuww.. dat pink confection used to make mi throw up all the medicine i've gulped down before it, a sickly one tablespoonful of dat ghastly poison.. =( n it makes mi feel sicker than before.. did i mention i do not noe how to swallow pills n usually bite them into smithereens before i swallow them?? haha... bet u r scrunchin up ur faces in disgust nw, coz the idea is too bitter (literally) to contemplate.. :p whahaha... had a glass of redoxon.. u noe? the efferverscent vit c tablet dat u drop into a glass of water to make a "healthy refreshin drink"? well, the "refreshin" part is only applicable when u drop it into cold water.. for mi todae, it was a glass of lukewarm water n i felt like i was swallowin down a mugful of sickly sweet, orange-flavoured, poison concoction.. (-_-lll strange how come everything tastes horrid to mi todae.. at least the warm water soothed my throat abit.. n i'm coughin less already.. =) anyway, these few daes i've been stuck at home, sick, except for yesterdae.. n i guess dat accounts for the amt of posts i've been puttin up. well, gd for those in need of mindless entertainment.. :p well, i shall go back to readin "the bloody chamber" by angela carter.. =) itz nice!!! suits mi to a "C".. haha.. okie.. lame joke.. (-_-lll the perfect marryin of fairytale n goth.. yippee!! 
Gone Fishing. met up with bunny todae.. went for lunch at suki sushi in cineleisure, before headin down to pasir ris.. got to downtown east n walked to pasir ris beach.. kaoz.. dat place super dark n scary, so we kept walkin til we reached pasir ris park.. (-_-lll FAR.. n it was my idea, so who am i to complain.. anyway, i like walkin n it was windy there so it was a gd walk/ workout.. he was sayin goin there provides motivation to jog coz it was so dark..datz true.. kept wonderin whether i might be as unlucky as to bump into "something".. but of coz we din.. (wasn't possible either coz i was super noisy, talkin at the top my voice to dispel the darkness n quiet there.. :p) found out dat there's actually a line of restaurants n pubs along the beach, n they were very bright, strung with multi-coloured fairylights.. =) so romantic!!! awww... too bad like no chance to eat there or anything.. super nice.. with tables laid overlookin the beach n the water, on a sort of wooden deck on the grass.. with white chairs n tables.. no candles coz the flames will probably get blown out by the wind.. (-_-lll wonder if i'll ever get to go there on a date.. at nite. coz i love fairylights.. =) sat on this giant boulder as we looked out to sea.. watched the tide come in, risin.. no stars.. alot of lights across the waters (sea??) wind.. nice waves.. n there was this little puppy dat went swimmin in the shallow waters.. not to mention a cockroach dat sneaked out of nowhere, fast disappearin before we can be disgusted n go off.. sat there for very long.. it was nice.. and when i asked if he loves mi, he said he does, reallie does (in a serious tone).. n datz enuf for mi to noe.. nv did reallie like beaches n i still gotta say dat sentosa beaches r nicer.. but under the dark veil of nite, with the magic played by moon beams, against the symphony of the lolling waves, n the cool breeze strokin on ur skin, the pasir ris beach was nice.. n i liked it.. no idea y i suddenly wanted to go todae, but, i enjoyed it.. =) bad pt, i'm still coughin.. n the appearance of a cockroach scamperin among the rocks din help much.. i wonder if cockroaches noe how to swim.. anyone willin to experiment n tell mi the results? haha.. on the way home, on bus 88, we saw the telecast of S'pore Idol.. had to alight juz when they were abt to announce the winner though.. (-_-lll wat the... all those advertisements' fault.. :p anyway, gd to noe taufik won, though anyone other than sylvester winnin wld make mi happie too.. n heard olinda singin n gosh! again i curse sylvester.. i'm so in love with her voice coz itz so darn gd! if sylvester had won, i wld have been slightly embarrassed to be a s'porean.. (it takes more than his winnin to make mi feel embarrassed abt bein a s'porean k? i'm not so disloyal..) so, yippee!! sylvester din win!! :p *champion, pls do not kill mi* saw the ad for the digicam, featurin the lead actress of My Sassy Girl n Windstruck.. i love the ad.. it juz leaves mi wistful.. coz itz so sweet in the beginnin, n den, at the end of it, u see onli her alone onscreen.. feels like she's somehow lonely again, contrasted with the previous sweetness between the 2 ppl in the ad.. n it was in sepia, addin to itz melancholy.. gosh.. leaves mi feelin abit heartbroken each time i see the ad.. coz itz so heartbreakinly beautiful n lyrical.. wonder if anyone can find the clip n send it to mi.. heehee.. =) alrite, so this has been sufficiently long, n i'm pretty sure i've put to ease a few ppl's concerns.. =) i shall go hunt down my dinner.. P.S: the bug dat i smacked last nite with a giant envelope is still plastered to the wall.. (-_-lll yuck.. imagine havin a carcass dryin on ur wall, flattened coz u smacked it against it.. eeuuww.. *scrunch up face in disgust* but dat bug bit mi.. in 3 different places.. serves it rite.. hmmpf!
i hate i love you.
i hope i'll cough out my lungs n die.. how can someone feel cold when the sun is blazin outside? i can. i hate i love you.
i hope i cough my lungs out n die.
it sucks, dat ppl can tell mi the things i probably noe, but dun wanna see it sucks, dat juz readin wat his best fren think is happenin, can get mi upset, cryin in front of the computer screen. my hands r gettin cold. n i dun think itz coz of the air-con. maybe i've been livin in denial. n if i am, i'm not sure i wanna wake up. coz reality seems to be too cruel, too harsh. i dun ask him"do you love mi" coz i'm not sure i dare to. i'm losin my faith. coz as much as i love you you dun. |
it's hard to describe the many facets of my personality, i'm a few people cast in a single mould. i'm a walkin contradiction, a major complication. i confuse ppl. i live in my own fairytale world, where damsels in pastel dresses save knights in distress.. to summarise: i am anger barely leashed violence barely reined wildness prowls on my edges fire barely banked this is the darker side of me no fluffy pink clouds no bright blue sky i am not your average sweetie pie to me there's more than meets the eye. amanda andy cheryl christopher christopher dei principe edward faith fion gary gracie gwen jiayi jillian joel kaiyan kayee kei luke melvin mervin min rykiel shu sining suying terence wenrong weini yongen yuling S.I.M UBSIM Golden Village Friendster S.O.T Magazine Twoartszeroone Little Miss Drinkalot Xiaxue Tiny White Bra Dawn Yang Fcukling Black High Heels Of Euphoria The Travelling Hungryboy Jolin Tsai Rainie Yang Pace Wu Show AliveNotDead Uehara Takako Jonathan Bennett Biotherm sOmang laneige clarins So Close Initial D Howl's Moving Castle Japanese Website Howl's Moving Castle Official Website Les Fils Du Vent-YAMAKASI Emily The Strange Little Apple Dolls Ola Lola Kikix Hoard Gobi The Perfect Fairy Cakes Pizza DeviantArt Blogskins July 2004 l August 2004 l September 2004 l October 2004 l November 2004 l December 2004 l January 2005 l February 2005 l March 2005 l April 2005 l May 2005 l June 2005 l July 2005 l August 2005 l September 2005 l October 2005 l November 2005 l December 2005 l January 2006 l February 2006 l March 2006 l April 2006 l May 2006 l June 2006 l July 2006 l August 2006 l September 2006 l October 2006 l November 2006 l December 2006 l January 2007 l February 2007 l March 2007 l April 2007 l May 2007 l June 2007 l July 2007 l August 2007 l September 2007 l October 2007 l November 2007 l December 2007 l January 2008 l February 2008 l March 2008 l April 2008 l May 2008 l June 2008 l July 2008 l August 2008 l September 2008 l designed by: dreamwalker powered by: blogger game scripted by: Lancer |