Sleeping Fae


woke up at 3+am this mornin.. think itz the result of tryin to slp earlier.. lights out was at 11.15pm, in order to catch some beauty slp.. who wld have known dat i'll wake at 3.. (-_-lll laid in bed til 5+, 6am, when i finally give up tryin to go back to slp. asked my grannie to help mi buy some porridge back for breakfast, before settling myself in front of the com..

wat a borin existence..


haven't eaten porridge in a long time.. =) itz nice compared to wat my grannie cooks.. the traditional Teochew style porridge is supposed to have a thick texture.. n the rice muz be cooked til they dun look like rice anymore.. does dat make sense? but i dun understand y the porridge my grannie cooks, plain, is always super watery, very thin.. i wonder watz the secret to cookin thick porridge.. do u juz add less water or wat?? (x_x) coz the reason y i've stopped eatin porridge at home is coz i dun like the watery kind dat my grannie makes. it'll be better if itz flavoured, but she onli cooks plain, watery, porridge, n so... oopz..

can someone teach mi how to cook thick porridge? like the kind u buy outside, with mincemeat, egg, you tiao (fried doughsticks) n stuff?? i esp like peppery porridge.. hmm.. i wan my future husband to be able to cook this kind of porridge for mi.. =) weird criteria in the selection of spouses.. hahah..



watz with todae? everyone's out? how come i see onli a handful of ppl online in the mornin n noon.. makes mi feel like the kind of person whom others will term as "no life". (x_x)


craving.. chocs, cheese, pizza, steak, wasabi.....


the dark, rainy weather makes the world outside my window look so dismal todae.. =( n it dawned on mi dat, where he is right now, itz probably different.. how do i feel? knowin he looks out the window n see something very different frm wat i see? it bothers mi.. is it strange? to wan to see the things he see? is it weird? to wan him to see wat i see?


hmm..



CaT cat purred at 9:41 PM
....................

Young Love.

sorie.. rather explicit, but beautifully taken. bein small, to fit my blog, it looks seedy. click on it, see the bigger picture, n u might see there's a touchin quality to it dat i can't define.. i'm enamoured with their expressions and the whole picture is juz very poignant n beautiful to mi.


i think i'm not a cap person, esp those duck-billed caps.. wore one todae n though it was onli for awhile, i got a headache!! (-_-lll can't believe dat my head can't even withstand such a low level of strain.. how heavy can a cap be?? n i think i can't ever get used to wearin caps coz the front portion upsets the balance n i subconciously had to open my eyes real wide to keep the cap frm slippin down.. my poor facial muscles at my forehead sure got a workout.. hope this wun result in wrinkles.. =(

my facial skin feels itchy.. aarrggghh.. itz killin mi to keep my hands away.. (o_O)


i'm worried abt him, wat with all the news abt earthquakes.. can he juz hurry up back?




CaT cat purred at 9:17 PM
....................

Pink

not the singer..



observations:

things r better nw dat he's not here.. guess the distance thing works..

to have someone be nice to u, treat dat person nicely first.

my skin looks perfect, when u minus the zits..


bored.



CaT cat purred at 4:54 PM

juz chatted with Manda.. she's like "baskin in bliss" (quoted frm her).. her relationship is perfect, her guy is seemingly perfect. she's happie, n it shows.

frm her voice, her demeanour, her skin, it juz radiates frm her, the sheer happiness dat her relationship is bringin her.. itz a far cry frm the Manda of before, where reflectin back nw, seems to live in a dark gray world where everything seems shadowy n hope is dim.. nw, she's vibrant n lively, almost burstin with the happiness dat she feels..

she used to call mi, sayin she's bored, worryin abt school, feelin unhappie. nw, she seems to have little worries, like her world have finally lit up after all the previous darkness, n everything looked positive. the difference is like watchin the light flood on in a pitch dark rm after u've switched on a light, or let the sunlight in.. itz like the airin out of a dusty attic, which windows have been previously boarded up.. itz lovely to experience, coz it seems like she's never been happier in her life, n itz contagious, irrisistible.

hmm.. love. reallie does wonders. no matter how u keep it inside, ppl will always noe, coz itz radiance, itz magic, simply can't be hidden. n woe betide when love leaves, or take a brief respite frm ur life. u'll feel like ur outlook have turned gray, tinged with the negative..

i'm happie for her, n envious.. mixed feelings.. i've once had something like this, a heartachin sweetness dat threatens to overwhelm the senses.. itz like honey, warm, sweet, u juz wan to drown in it.. itz sticky, but dat is the other side of love, where u learn dat pain is part n parcel of lovin..

itz wondrous, watchin the changes in her, though i guess she's unconcious of it.. i'm sure i'm not the onli one who thinks dat it seems she's never been as happie as nw.. n while i wonder if i'll get to feel again, the way she feels nw, the way i felt den, i'm juz as determined to work for it, n make it happen for mi again..


intense happiness.. while i can settle for the calm n peaceful bliss of a stable relationship, there is still a cravin for the rush of euphoria dat u get in the "honeymoon period".. n i believe, it can be attained, again.






CaT cat purred at 1:40 AM
....................

Perlstein- Geisha Au Livre


like the kaleidoscopic colours used.. very vibrant n lively. looks kinda busy, with all the details n colours, but appealingly so.


bored at home.. i've decided not to step out of the house til he's back.. i can hear u groanin "there she goes again.. everytime he goes off, she decides to lock herself up at home".. :p hahhaa.. but den i hardly get the chance to spend so much uninterrupted time without makeup.. so i'm grabbin the chance to let my skin rest. =)

Manda have said dat her mum's discovered dat my skin condition have deteriorated, n Manda have observed dat the "glow" dat i supposedly used to have in my skin ("supposedly" coz i dun think there's any "glow", or realise..) is GONE!! *gasp in horror* maybe itz the lack of exercise or wat.. but i guess i shall try to find it back.. yes.. flawless, glow-imbued, skin..

sounds superficial, to be payin so much attention to outward appearances, but u can also sae i'm simply takin care in it, so as to able to take pride in it.. itz as consumin as work, studies. in fact, even more so, coz vanity is quite an inherrent aspect of human nature..

blah blah blah..


bored.. so bored dat i'm talkin nonsense.. pui!



bebackbebackbeback...



CaT cat purred at 10:39 PM
....................

Hate Me


for my seemingly perfect complexion.. whahahhaa.. :p

went shoppin with mum todae.. highlights of the dae:


ate dessert at this newly opened dessert shop- itz this established Hong Kong name, Liu Yuan San (the hanyu pinyin version of itz chinese name). they specialise in desserts involvin mangos, such as mango puddings. itz rather famous n popular in Hong Kong, n they've juz opened a shop in Singapore. itz located near the Thailand Embassy, beside Scotts Isetan. so, itz along the stretch of road where the Thailand Embassy is, somewhere opp the Zara near Borders. the mango puddin with fruits dat i had there was reallie nice, smooth, with fresh fruits. they r generous with their mango portions too. itz suitable for couples to go together too, coz some of the desserts r served in heart shaped dishes. the decor is simple, with some sort of veranda thingy, along with a smaller interior of the shop. my description doesn't do it justice. so ppl with a sweet tooth, likes mangoes, findin a new place to hangout with frens, findin a new place to bring a date, can check it out.

a lady complimented mi on my skin!!- was in the ladies with my mum. was waitin for my mum when this lady standin beside mi, total stranger, told mi dat i ahve very gd skin. whahahhahaa... my heart took a tremendous leap of joy!! n when my mum came over to where i was, the lady asked if datz my mum comin over n said "hi" to my mum.. heehee.. so i'm feelin rather gleeful dat my skin looks seemingly gd to ppl.. =)

bought lingerie- okie,, onli one suit. frm Taka.

i bought a pair of red sunglasses too.. n who said itz gd to go shoppin with parents coz they'll be willing to spend on u? datz so not true for my mum.. gosh.. no matter how i badger her to buy clothes or skincare for mi, she wun!! arrrgghh.. y like dat?? (x_x)

saw Grily, my JC classmate, on the mrt headed for town.. =)

n, the irritant who msged mi those nonsense yesterdae, msged mi again last nite, sayin "Pls is not a subject of chance but of choice 4 me to know u as a friend. gud nite and sweet dream. jaga diri" wat the fuck!!??!! choice??!! wat choice? so dat means this person got my no frm somewhere, n din simply hit upon my no thru luck. very bad luck, for both of us, i must sae. so, wat does "jaga diri" means? n watz the big idea?! typos?! hate them. n i detest ppl who tries to pass off their English as being better than it reallie is, n den endin up makin themselves seem worse by the pretence. n no, i'm not interested in befriendin whoever it is. in fact, i'm darn irritated n will definitely plot something against the person.


the no is 90418926. anyone who's bored n stuff, feel free to prank call this no n do wateva mean things u wanna do with this no. help urselves..



CaT cat purred at 9:16 PM
....................

Queen Of Black


love the details on her dress..


my grannie's brewin rice wine in the kitchen.. tastes reallie sweet, n not at all alcoholic. she's makin it for my cousin-in-law, in preparation for use durin the confinement period. syrupy.. =)



anyone noe anyone with the hp no 90418926?? coz i received a msg frm this person sayin

"hello baby! what's up? cool! oh my goodness, pls can we know each other? thank you. just me 33 by name fr africa"


look. if itz a prank, itz not appreciated n i'm concoctin this plan of lettin this guy get harrassed by strangers. so, if itz a prank, i'll like a clarification. if itz not, n this guy's a stranger, i'll enjoy passin his no out.

i wonder even if my no is scrawled somewhere by someone, claimin to provide free sex or dat sort of thing.. ugh.. =(


plagued by physical ailments..

i wan him back!!



CaT cat purred at 10:14 PM
....................

Sisters


met up with Manda todae, coz she wanted to go out, n wanted company to buy some skincare stuff.. so, we headed down to Paragon, where she went gaga over the Salvatore Ferragamo display/ exhibition.. went to Taka for lunch, where she bought Royce chocs for Simon. took a rather disastrous neoprint at J8, before headin for the bubble tea shop at Jubilee to slack n chat, while waitin for Simon to come over to get the chocs n join us for dinner..


haiz.. kept twiddling with the ring around my neck.. wished he was here with mi.. esp when lookin at Manda n Simon.. they make a very sweet couple.. =) think i picked up a few tips frm Manda as to how to treat the bf..

it feels lonely comin home, knowin he's not a phonecall away. n it feels colder, without him around. his hands r not here for mi to hold, he's not here for mi to hug.

i miss him.
CaT cat purred at 11:59 PM
....................

Fairy Resting In The Cold


i'm surprised dat my mind is still awake despite havin slpt at 4.30am, n wakin at 6.20am.


was supposed to meet him at Orchard mrt for breakfast todae. he overslpt n i went over instead.. was feelin quite wary, but when he acted normal, so did i. no pt harpin on unhappie stuff.. so, he eventually got up n we went to Swensens at Prince Hotel, for brunch. went to buy some stuff dat he needed before headin down to collect his plane ticket.


i seem to have an interest in thigh high stockings n garters recently..


right.


waited for his sis to pass him some stuff, before we headed down to the airport in a cab.. helped him with his luggage. when it was all settled, we went to Terminal 2 to meet Johnson n chatted at Starbuck's. Kenneth joined us later..

i gave him a japanese coin as a sort of charm, n i have his ring, frm our couple rings, around my neck nw. he wanted to leave it in his wallet in S'pore, but i decided it'll be better if i kept it. i wore it around mt wrist on a chain, as a bracelet, but nw, i'm wearin it on a necklace coz wearin it on the wrist might get it scratched accidentally by mi. when i see it, i get reminded of him n feel comforted.

i'm behavin like he's not ever comin back.. gee.. he will, by the 22th of April.

todae, at the airport, it was reallie tough lettin him walk off.. though he's juz goin back to Indonesia, what shld be his home country, n for 1 mth.. i juz wished i cld go on huggin him, til forever. n he kept glancin back n wavin.. =) sorta felt weepy, but cldn't cry coz Johnson n Kenneth were around, n also, itz like over-reacting. wanted to watch the planes at the viewin gallery too, til his flight was gone. but din, not with Johnson n Kenneth around. cldn't possibly let them wait with mi, n i wanted to sit there alone, so i can think abt him in solitude.

went to Manda's house for dinner, n company.. prawn noodles cooked by her mum. nice! gd to hear dat Manda n Simon r goin well.. =) anyway, we juz hung out there n chatted. shared alot of skincare n makeup tips too. have to accompany Manda to get her skincare stuff tmr..



i've been admitted to SIM. wat an eventful dae. nw all i need to do is to confirm if i wan the course. gd news.. was quite happie when i saw the mail frm SIM.


so anyway, waitin for him to be back.



CaT cat purred at 11:21 PM

dad saw mi cryin, n he wiped away my tears. new ones coursed down, i hope i haven't made him sad.

dad asked wat happened. "did u quarrel with him?" he asked. i din answer, i'm sure he noes the answer.

dad asked "i though u said u dun care?" do i tell him i lied? dat all i wanted to do, was to hide how much i cared. so dat if i got hurt, i cld hide it all away, nonchalant.

all i've worked to hide, all undone at once. dad told mi to go to slp. i wish i can, n not wake up. but i can't.

dad, i have to see him in the mornin, i dunnoe how it'll be. part of it is my fault, the other part nobody's. coz nobody's shoulderin it, n dad, i already have a huge load. i can't make him see, dad. i try n dun succeed. i love him, dad, as much as i deny. n datz y i can't slp, as much as i shld try.

dad, i've hurt him, n he, mi. dad, juz let mi cry.
CaT cat purred at 4:09 AM

why am i cryin here in the dark?

y has it reached a point where there r no tears?

juz wrenchin pain. horrible, heart shatterin, gut twistin, pain.


hope is a terrible thing.

it refuses to let my heart die. n i keep holdin on.


why? when i've already reached my tether's end. why?

we hurt each other. n i'm sorie when i hurt u. i never wanted ti to be this way, but i have to protect myself too.

i told ppl i dun care. i lied. my parents think i dun care. i lied.


i care, but i dun dare let ppl see it. itz such a vulnerable spot of mi. n i think he noes. does he not? if he doesn't, y is he able to hurt mi so?

why do i feel so sad? so broken..

why?

why?


i love him, more than anyone realises maybe, more than i noe i do, more than i ever imagined i'm capable of. i've put in all my heart, effort, everything. but y is it all rendered non-existent?

i love him, in an all consuming way. he doesn't, he saes there's a limit. how is dat so?

wat shld i do? wat can i do?

there's a huge gapin hole in my heart dat i do not noe how to patch.
CaT cat purred at 3:22 AM

i seem to keep gettin the last thing dat i wan, out of this relationship.

he's goin off, the last thing i wan is a disagreement. i dun wan to sully the memories dat'll keep him company while he's away, nor mine. i dun wan to part with a disagreement, fresh in our minds. i dun wan him to be unhappie with mi, while he's away. ditto for mi, though i wun hold to the anger dat long.


so, wat do i get??



bingo.



the last thing i wan.

the rift gets bigger, less easily closed. less easily mended, etched.


all previous efforts, undone.
CaT cat purred at 2:11 AM
....................

the pic dat shld be shown below..
CaT cat purred at 10:44 PM

So Cold Without You.


spent my dae at home watchin dwnloaded variety programmes. surfed around for lingerie designs, coz i like the intricacies of lace n satin, silk n ribbons.. the webbie for Agent Provocateur is darn cool, n there was this silk kimono chemise thing frm the Victoria's Secret's webbie dat was absolutely droolsome.. can someone buy it for mi?? hahaha.. :p

mum gave mi a crash course on usin the washin machine, in preparation of the week where she'll be goin to Shanghai with my grannie, leavin mi, my dad, n my bro behind to fend for ourselves. no prizes for guessin who'll have to take charge of the chores.. (-_-lll hate the idea of doin laundry..


he's goin back tomorow. =( so sudden.. coz his dad wanted him to go back tmr.. in fact, they wanted him to go back a long time ago.. i can't get myself around the idea dat he'll be gone by tmr nite. so wat if he'll be in contact thru sms? it juz isn't the same.. n this is the first time he'll be goin away for so long.. around 2 mths.. sounds short? unless u r in my shoes, i dun think u'll understand how long it'll actually feel.. i think i can get ready to hibernate til he's back.. but right now, i'm still reelin frm the idea, coz he juz made dat decision abt 10 mins ago.. darn.. no matter wat, i'm gonna send him off tmr, for the first time. think watchin his figure diminish with the increasin distance between us, as he walks away frm the departure gate, will be quite a heartwrenchin experience for mi.. but still, i'll want to watch him as he walks away. i've always liked lookin at ppl's backs as they walk away, coz there's something so intrinsically sad abt it..

right.. i'm probably over romanticisin everything.. (-_-lll


not lookin forward to tmr..
CaT cat purred at 10:35 PM
....................

Butterflies

this was done by the artist, without any photo manipulation.. shows juz how much thought n detail goes into it, to be able to present the concept effectively n convincingly.


went to SIM with Tri todae, after he came over to my house to try settlin his referral letter thingy.. saw Komui n Xiang Jing there to apply for courses too. think the chances of meetin Sr students, shld i get into SIM, is quite high.

went to RELC after dat to get Tri's applications done. lunch was at Taka's food court before we went to his house n slacked.. wonder how come ppl dun get bored of racing games.. i mean, after a while, doesn't it get monotonous? finish first, avoid crashin, navigate curves.. think it all goes on autopilot mode after awhile, n the thrill will be gone.. so, while he was playin, i was readin Enid Blyton's The Adventurous Four. while i had enjoyed her stories as a kid, nw i find myself gettin sceptical. coz, how possible is it for a bunch of kids to be so brave, so sensible, n so in perfect agreement with each other? they solve mysteries, stumble upon adventures, escape unscathed, wow the adults, live on stranded islands without any fear or difficulty. n every meal was scrumptious? every meal was greatly enjoyed?? seems too fine n dandy, n very unrealistic in my opinion. grab any kid, throw them into those situations, n i think chances r, the kid wun noe how to survive.. no wonder they sell to kids, but not adults.. not dat i've lost my sense of adventure, imagination or belief in the unbelievable..


the mrt trip home was traumatic.. makes mi reallie wonder if anyone shld have kids in the future. lets sae dat 3 overly boisterous, hyperactive n plus sized kids were makin a nuisance out of themselves in the cabin i was in, harrassin the other passangers near them, pushin their way around, bein absolutely beggin-to-be-slapped-soundly noisy. everyone was lookin at them in mingled disgust n horror, tinged with dark amusement, while their hapless pregnant mother watched on, not doin or sayin anything to take them in hand at all.. (-_-lll


the coffeeshop near my house is certified GOOD. all the food frm the different stalls r fantastic. never had i sampled such a tender steak, the prawn mee is top, as well as the fried rice frm another stall.. no wonder the other coffeeshop seems to be relatively quieter.. tough competition.




darn.. he's goin back soon..
CaT cat purred at 11:56 PM
....................

A Sweet Song For My Darling.

met up with Tri to accompany him to SR to get his referral letter for his UK application. was surprised to see dat the school have become hipper since i went back to get the A'level results. alot of bright pastels. fresh paint everywhere, it looked like the school's been given a new lease of life in itz appearance. there was also this cafe thingy stall outside LT5.. gosh.. they r sellin ice cream cones n coffee n pretzel thingies there.. cool!! there was this laidback n hip vibe about.. but maybe i se it this way coz i'm no longer studyin there..

speakin of studyin, think i can sae dat i've been accepted for the Bachelor's course in Communications in S.I.M. they called mi todae to go down n settle some of my result transcripts stuff. hope itz not mi thinkin too much, but i think (n i hope) dat she realie did sae dat they've admitted mi for the course.. heehee.. harbourin hopes but dun wanna be too presumptous abt it coz i might have heard wrong..

went to buy bra at PS John Little.. itz was a traumatic n drainin experience.. stressful!! tried abt 6 pieces before finally findin something suitable for mi.. n the sizin.. dun get mi started.. (-_-lll i muz have put on quite alot of weight to account for the.....


right..


after everything was done, went over to his house n slacked til dinnertime when we headed to the coffeeshop near my house for fried hokkien prawn noodles.. chatted at the playground again before headin home..

seems like reality is catchin up on mi.. if i'm admitted in SIM for real, dat means i'm startin school very soon. May. n he wun be around, coz he have to be back in Indonesia. =( n it'll mean, wat do i do abt the school fees? if my parents can't afford it, i'll have to look for a job to shoulder some of the costs.. i'll have to arrange my time around schooltime. i have to travel to school alone.. =( i wun get to see him everydae anymore.. =( new environment. =( different environment for his. =( itz almost like havin to be in a different world frm him!! =( kill mi.. n there'll be stress n stuff, deadlines etc.. haiz.. dun dare to think abt it anymore.. itz like so much for mi to take in. too much.


he provided mi reassurances for my worries.. thank you dear. =) hope we can always stay as how we r now..



CaT cat purred at 11:44 PM

mi n maggie



CaT cat purred at 12:03 AM
....................

pic of mi n my cousin, Maggie. taken durin the Chinese New Year period.

met up with Tri todae, coz he wanted to exchange one fo the games yesterdae, for a new one as it was faulty. walked around AMK Central n had lunch at the bubble tea shop in Jubilee. went to Popular too, n i saw some bks dat rather interested mi. one is on Beauty, the others were cookbks.. (-_-lll amazing huh? i actualy have an interest in cookbooks.. hahaa.. think i shall get one on desserts one of these daes n try them out. =)

went to my relative's house for a bbq todae. supposed to be the birthdae of my cousin Robin, but no one mentioned it. everyone juz took it as a gatherin of sorts. there was alot of food. by den, Tri was at Ikea with Kenneth. shld have brought him along.. the bbq area was very spacious, with a fitness corner at itz left, a playground at itz right, n street soccer court in front of it, as well as rest pavilions around it. there were alot of cats around, n there was this white cat dat was esp pretty. it had blue eyes too. somehow, they seem to be strays but look clean n bright. being fascinated with the white cat, i took pics of it with my mum's hp. itz so pretty!! *sigh* makes mi wan a cat.. so i spent a large portion of the evenin followin it around, tryin to get a gd shot of it. no thankz to my cousins though, who kept disturbin mi or the cat, such dat it was very hard for mi to get a reallie nice pic.

chatted n played around at the fitness station with my cousins while the adults (namely parents) chatted. din eat alot coz i find it troublesome.. (-_-lll troublesome to eat??!! bet itz the first time u've heard anyone think dat.. :p

all in all, quite an enjoyable dae. though i think it wld have been better if i cld have brought Tri along. din do so coz there wasn't enuf space in my dad's car initially, n my relative's house is all the way at Jurong.. so far.. (x_x) so i din ask him to go along, though i wished i cld n had..



CaT cat purred at 11:38 PM

Golden Years


enjoyable dae. =) woke up n went over to his house todae. helped set up his new com. itz made specifically for extreme gamers. spent alot of time allocatin the spots for puttin his speakers. surround sound. (-_-lll all in one bedroom. wow.. nw he's got wires runnin all over the room. :p

went out for dinner after it was all done. wanted to eat at Yoshi in Taka but it was crowded, so we headed down to J8. i ate at Pastamania before he ate at Yoshi. den we went clock huntin as we threw out his old clock yesterdae. spoilt.made our way to AMK central after we've gotten the clock coz he wanted to buy some games to try out on his new com.

sat down at the playground n chatted again. =) it was very enjoyable, juz relaxin, enjoyin each other's company n listenin to the anecedotes he had to tell. chatted abt alot of stuff, n i wondered how i cld think dat our conversation topics have dried out sometimes.. (-_-lll i muz have been nutz, or guess we weren't tryin hard enuf den. it felt gd to juz sit there n talk abt nothin n anything. reminisced abt the times we shared, our childhood experiences, even abt X-Man.. hahaha.. i said dat i wun mind not havin a career, coz it seems somehow dat even stayin at home, bein a housewife, whippin up dishes n awaitin for the husband to come home, can be bliss. simple pleasures in life. creatin a sanctuary frm the competitive world, to simply love n be loved. never thought i would find appeal in bein a homemaker, but the idea is becomin attractive.

guess he'll be tinkling with his com for the next few daes.. =)



CaT cat purred at 12:01 AM
....................

Reflections


had a dream last nite. it was kinda horrid. dreamt dat i was back in the Dance Club, n we had a performance. there were lots of hitches, such as forgettin to bring costumes n not knowin the dance steps. in my dream, i forgot to bring one part of my costume n my bro ran back to the house juz to get it for mi. den, while on the stage, it turned out dat none of us knew the dance steps, or had forgotten them. we made a fool out of ourselves n it was so mortifyin.. esp when the audience started to clear out of the hall.. (-_-lll den one of the teachers, n it happened to be my dreaded CT frm SRJC, Mrs Ting, came up to the stage n told us off, flingin lots of sarcasm at us, tellin us we were not good enuf to get anywhere..

can anyone tell mi if there's a hidden msg in the dream? is my subconcious mind tryin to tell mi something? (x_x)


anyway, went over to his house todae to help tidy up his table to make way for his new com dat'll be delivered tmr. quite alot of work. after dat, went to have a late lunch cum dinner at Suki Sushi in Cine.. forgot dat students were havin their one week hols n thus wondered y there were so many ppl out todae. (-_-lll i'm so darn blur. was stuffed to the gills after the sushi buffet at Suki. headed down to Sim Lim to find some stuff dat he'll need for his come before headin home.

met Ken at Sim Lim. was surprised dat he actually managed to recognise mi despite not havin seen mi for 2yrs+.. =)


we chatted at the playground downstairs before he accompanied mi to take the lift up to my house.

tirin dae.. have 2 pieces of Salongpas pasted on my lower back nw.. (-_-lll
CaT cat purred at 10:55 PM
....................

Understanding


he came over todae. went to Toa Payoh with mi to buy my facial foam n moisturiser, before catchin Son Of The Mask.


one thing i've gotta sae..


I DO NOT RECOMMEND WATCHIN THE SHOW!!!


it wasn't at all funnie, not to mi, nor to Tri. it was kinda disappointin, coz all those antics dat they employed in the show shld have made it hilarious n highly entertainin.. but, it did not. sure, it did engage my attention, but half the time, i was wonderin "so watz the pt? can they juz get on with it?" the whole plot is rather flimsy, n it detracts frm the potential of the show. it wasn't funnie at all. at least to mi.

lookin forward to Ms Congeniality 2. hopefully it wun disappoint. i dun think it will either.



i shall also promise myself dat one dae, i'll make sure i have the entire SKII skincare serie at home. as well as Biotherm. hmmpf! this shall be my goal for workin n earnin money in the future.. heehee.. rather shallow, but, i seem to be on the eternal quest for Flawless Skin. :p
CaT cat purred at 10:51 PM
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picture of the dae.. in keepin with the post below.
CaT cat purred at 10:26 PM

below is wat a fren of mine sent mi, some time back.


Just because

Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realize what a gold
mine you are,
doesn't mean you shine any less.

Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out that you can't
be topped,
doesn't stop you from being the best.

Just because no one has come along to share your life,
doesn't mean that day isn't coming.

Just because no one has made this race worth while,
doesn't give you permission to stop running.

Just because no one has realized how much of a woman you are,
doesn't mean they can affect your femininity.

Just because no one has come to take the loneliness away,
doesn't mean you have to settle for a lower quality.

Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level,
doesn't mean you have to sink to theirs.

Just because you deserve the very best there is,
doesn't mean that life is always fair.

Just because God is still preparing your king,
doesn't mean that you're not already a queen.

Just because your situation doesn't seem to be progressing right now,
doesn't mean you need to change a thing.

Keep shining,
Keep running,
Keep hoping,
Keep praying,
Keep being exactly what you are already...

COMPLETE!


itz hard to keep this in mind. n even when u believe this, others might not...
CaT cat purred at 10:15 PM
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Balance

spent the whole dae at home.. he wanted to come over but i figured dat wasn't a gd idea, given my skin condition. i also figured dat distance may maketh the heart grow fonder, n so not seein mi for a few daes may let us cherish the time dat we spend together more.

so, how do i self amuse? by burnin cds for him, n readin, as well as watchin shows on my com. a rather borin existence, but suits mi juz fine. i'm a borin person..

my parents r contemplatin goin to Yunnan, China. wth.. no way am i goin.. i'm never goin to China again, unless i absolutely have no choice. dun like dat place..

think itz gonna be another borin dae at home tmr.



CaT cat purred at 10:13 PM
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Pride V2


my pride is high, so is my vanity. in my current disfigured state, i'm not goin anywhere, or seein anyone. if i can walk around with my face veiled, i'll gladly do it.. =(

tidied up my table todae.. realised dat i have alot of dustcatchers crowdin up my rm. accessories, ornaments, thingamajigs dat i can't bear to throw away.. the list juz goes on. actually, i wanted to throw away the whole lot, but think my mum wun react well if she catches sight of all the half-used bottles of creams n lotions i wan to throw away.. -_-lll she'll no doubt complain dat i buy, n throw away without even finishin them, wastin money.. haiz..at least i can see more of my tabletop nw.. :p


rackin my brains to figure out away to salvage my badly disfigured skin.. -_-lll i think nothin short of a chemical peel can ever get it lookin normal again.. =( i'm gonna stay at home til my skin's recovered. hmmpf!

such is my pride n vanity..



CaT cat purred at 10:22 PM
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Nicole Kidman




Ayumi Hamasaki.

spot the similarities.. :p


right.. i'm bored.. juz disfigured myself.. =(


boohoo..
CaT cat purred at 10:43 PM
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Another pic frm the Chanel ad.

went to East Coast with Tri, Kenneth, n Kenneth's new prospective gf, Esther. went cycling.. quite fun, esp when the wind is in the hair.. but East Coast Park was quite crowded todae so we cldn't go reallie fast or suddenly slow.. esp when Tri n i were ridin the double bicycle.. after cyclin, they went to play bowlin there.. ran into some trouble when the staff there started nitpickin at Kenneth's shoes.

dinner was at Parkway Parade.. ate at the food court.. den we went home..


cyclin was fun.. too bad we were hampered by the ppl around..



CaT cat purred at 11:28 PM
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A pic frm Chanel's ad, featurin Nicole Kidman.. =)


so, MANDA'S ATTACHED!!! =) to a reallie sweet guy frm the looks of it. happie for her. YAY!! =)


went to SIM todae.. gosh.. i hope dat they'll accept my application.. not coz the place is nice, but coz, if i can't get in there, den wat school can i get into?? (x_x) but the place is quite alrite.. tranquil. wun mind studyin there.. so, i'm prayin hard dat they'll accept mi, so dat if i can't even get into NTU, i'll still have a "safety net"..

been listenin to the song, "You Light Up My Life" by Debbie Boone.. reallie nice..

n i think.. despite everything, he lights up my life.



CaT cat purred at 11:40 PM
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Marilyn Monroe


like this pic coz her smile looks spontaneous, like this was a candid shot, n for dat, the smile looks genuine, as though it comes frm the heart. heartfelt, not posed.

i like black n white pictures.. sepia lends melancholy..


juz baked another batch of cookies.. out of absolute boredom i guess.. (-_-lll stayed at home the whole dae, watched dwnloaded shows n stuff.. bored.. contemplatin doin some exercise at home, u noe, the indoor kinds dat doesn't require too much stamina but works all the same for burnin calories n makin u feel limber? well.. in the end, all i ended up doin was sittin in front of the com, THINKIN abt exercisin.. oopz..


procrasinate n u end up doin nothing..



CaT cat purred at 10:42 PM
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Trust The Dreams.


applied to the various universities todae.. well, though by cold logic, i wun get into NUS for sure, i still tried.. u noe, the "hope" thing.. :p nw i'm left with SIM to settle.. so much hassle..

Tri came over todae n we settled our applications usin my com.. =) den watched the Meet The Parents on my com.. headed out in the evening, to J8.. since there was nothin to do after dinner, we caught Robots.. absolutely value for money!! abit nonsensical but veri funnie.. it pokes fun of the trends n cultures around. definitely worth watchin.. =)

he sent mi home n on the bus, we saw this auntie sittin in a very *ahem* revealin way.. made mi wanna dig out my eyeballs n flush them with Dettol, or throw them on the floor n stomp on them.. hope i dun wake up with sore eyes tomorow.. (x_x) i mean, i'm not makin a dig at her, or her age, but i wld think dat by her age, she shld have learnt to sit with her legs appropriately closed when wearin a skirt?? well.. i guess not. it was reallie a horrifyin sight.

so, my dae's been duly summed.. bored..



CaT cat purred at 10:30 PM
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the biscuits dat i made after dinner.. =) looks nice??


all i did was mix flour, butter n honey together.. bakin with honey is gd as it gives the biscuit a nice, even, n golden colour.. honey is also aromatic, as compared to sugar.. =)


i hate fillin in forms n all the registration dat i'm contemplatin doin is incredibly irksome to mi as a result... n there's the applicaton fee n postage of documents to take into consideration.. is there any simpler way?? gosh.. to think dat applyin online shld be hassle-free.. itz not!! or at least, i dun think so..


nw my hands smell of honey..



CaT cat purred at 10:26 PM
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Nothing Else Matters


not sure if i've used this pic before.

Happie 18th Monthsary to us!! =)

was supposed to accompany him to RELC Buildin todae.. but his bro was goin with him, so i had no choice but to wait at home til he's done. sorta thrashed my mood for the dae though i did get over it eventually.. he came over after his trip to the RELC. looked thru the webbies of the various universities in S'pore. i feel like i have to apply for a place fast.. somehow. there's this fear dat i can't get anywhere, drivin mi on.

went to town in the evenin.. played some games to decide where to go for dinner.. i chose pastamania, while he chose KFC. den, we gambled on our luck, n the winner gets to go to the restaurant of his/ her choice.. lets juz sae dat i had reallie fantastic luck todae.. super funnie, the bets we took. but my luck din hold out as pastamania was closed due to their annual D&D.. (-_-lll so we ended up at Cafe Cartel (his choice) in the end.. the bread there is reallie nice!! the dishes came in big portions n even nw, i feel sick at the thought of food.. we went to the arcade after n he played some games before we headed for Orchard Mrt..

his left foot have been hurtin him for quite awhile.. it better heal soon or i'll insist dat he go to the doc's..

alot of emotional upheavals.. but i'm quite contented with the way the dae have gone.. =)




CaT cat purred at 11:40 PM
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Fields Of Innocence.

there's some scandalous stuff brewin.. hahaha.. not involvin mi of coz.. juz ppl dat i noe of.. highly interestin.

brain's been puttin in overtime plottin out my future.


acompanied Tri to Sim Lim Square todae.. saw a wide array of electronic gadgets.. some looked reallie slick n lust-worthy.. n datz comin frm someone as technologically oblivious as mi. dat place must be a haven for technies..

went to watch Lemony Snickett- A Series Of Unfortunate Events after dat.. quite alrite, though it can be abit dry n pointless at times.. saw Rui En at some promotion there. sang 2 songs, went slightly off-pitch at times.. waved at Tri.. whahahhaa.. coz he waved, n so she waved back.. (-_-lll

very tirin dae.. emotionally n physically drainin.. tmr will be all abt piecin the jigsaws of my future, n see if it'll all fall into place after dat, they way i wan it to be..

tmr will be tough.



CaT cat purred at 11:52 PM
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Out Of The Ocean.

tumultous waters r not my kind of thing. i much prefer the stable shore.


spent the dae seekin out the possibilities in my future.. a pretty way of sayin i'm graspin at straws, tryin to decide on wat to do with my results. can't sae i'm swamped with choices, so i juz gotta deal with wat i've got. made my bed, so i shall lie in it.


~


Manda, bet u wondered y i said "no" to mondae so readily.. hahaha.. coz itz the 7th.. :p go figure.. i'm sure u'll get it.. =)


~


my dad made a seriously unwise crack abt my future. he said dat it seems i'll be slackin at home frm nw on (due to my grades). when he said it the first time, i ignored it though it stung. i mean, i feel nothin abt my grades, but i feel something abt lettin them down, n havin no particularly bright future in direct view nw, n itz not a gd "something". so y is he still pokin at my hurts? so the second time he made dat crack again, i snapped, tellin him to stop talkin abt it, coz it makes mi feel horrid, n dat crack is juz gonna upset everyone coz it hits too close to watz sore n smartin after everything. i snapped at him, n den ignored him. i noe i probably hurt his feelins, n i'm sorry. but thinkin abt havin let them down, it juz feels wretched, n so i snapped, maskin it. i can't laugh it off, coz he'll think dat i dun care. coz while i dun care abt my fuure, i care abt whether or not i'm disappointin them. n though they dun reallie show it, dat crack muz have stemmed frm something, his disappointment. n my mum juz keeps quiet n tries to be supportive. i noe they r hidin their disappointment, but i noe, lookin frm the hopes i noe they had harboured for mi, i knew since i was a kid, dat they wanted more for mi. it isn't even abt the "face" issue for them. itz juz a brighter future for their daughter. n i've let them down. frm excellin as a kid, to underperformin nw.


wretched is the word.



CaT cat purred at 10:59 PM
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This Is My Punishment


for not studyin real hard the way i shld.. :p


well.. din make it for econs.. i reallie dun feel anything abt my grades. itz like i'm so scarily nonchalant abt. in fact, i dun think i reallie care, or is it juz dat i've been mentally prepared for this all the while dat it doesn't shock mi? or is it, dat coz i din work for it, so i dun feel for it. which ever way, i expected to feel somethin, but i din. nothin at all. i juz feel normal. so when i see ppl cryin over the grades, i cldn't understand. n i've learnt not to cry over spilt milk since i was in pri 4. so guess i learnt early.

the onli hard part was in breakin the news to my parents n my nanny. i noe they had high hopes for mi. so i'm kinda sad dat i disappointed them. but, i shall not dwell on it. i'll onli think abt watz the next step dat i can n shld take. n yes, i reallie am not upset abt my grades. i feel nothin for them, no bitterness or anything at all.. n i hope dat all my frens will be able to get into the courses dat they wan. =)


~


went to have dinner at Cafe Cartel in PS with Tri n his classmates. the Meat Lover dish was fantastic.. =) n i think i'm kinda down on my luck todae. i was waitin for my food, coz i was the last one to be served.. n suddenly, CRASH!!! a big board crashed over beside mi. it was supposed to act as a barrier between 2 tables, n it was realli thick n heavy n hard. gosh.. it crashed into our table n hit abit of my hand. thank god i jerked away at the contact. the crash upset the glass of iced tea in front of mi n the glass toppled n spilled over, n Tri was almost soaked by the water drippin over the side of the table. he was onli sittin beside mi afterall. it took awhile before everyone shook out of theri reverie n took in wat happened. all eyes were on our table, n the staff started snappininto action, cleanin up n askin if i was hurt. i wan't.. it onli managed to lightly hit my hand before i jerked away. so there was a red mark on my hand frm the impact, n no pain. the iced tea was replaced, the table mopped dry. the poor old man sittin at the other side of the board looked so guilt-stricken n worried dat he might have hurt someone. poor thing. so i smiled at him n told him i was reallie alrite when he asked if i was hurt.. elderlies shld not have to be laid guilt on. nw, if dat had been some snotty kid who can't be bothered, i wld have made a fuss out of it.. hahahaa...

oh.. the bright side? my food onli came after the crash. so i guess it was a gd thing dat i had to wait so long for my food. else, the crash wld have disrupted my food n likely to send it flyin too.


~


after dinner, some of them left while the rest of us decided to catch a movie. n guess wat, Manda.


I FREAKIN SAW PING YEE!!! gosh! juz when i'm contented dat i shall nv have to se her again! i dun wanna see her ever!! gee.. she looked the same, juz as lian, except with abit more polish. gosh.. talk abt bein unlucky todae. this truly ups it.


~


anyway, the queue was long n the timings not suitable. Tri suggested they play pool n we headed down to Meridian Hotel's pool place. n datz where i got hit by another stroke of bad luck. Tri was eatin some Sugus candy n dropped one of the wrappings on the floor. he left the rest of it on the armrest on the chair i was sittin in. awhile later, the owner of the place came over, picked up the wrappin n told mi..

"u can eat here, but pls do not throw the wrappins on the floor like this."

wth!! n juz so happened i was the onli one sittin there, coz i was readin. n the Sugus candy bar was on my armrest. looked so incriminatin. but i wasn't mi!! n all of the ppl we were with knew it. n we din even noe he threw it on the floor!! i'm innocent!! gettin repimanded for somethin i din do, S.U.C.K.S.


~


Tri n i left before the rest of them, n we headed to his house coz i was tired n wanted to watch the 9pm Channel 8 show. after dat, we slacked around. he sorted out the paper bag of brochures dat were given to all of us. the bag was darn heavy.. (o_O) yep. so he sorted out his.

took a cab to my house. while tryin to flag down a cab, i was again struck by how jinxed i am todae. all the drivers seem to treat us as invisible!! so much so dat i started wonderin if we've died without us noein it n datz y the cabs din stop coz they can't see out spirits flaggin for cabs.. a rather fanciful notion.. hahaha.. :p when we finally got one, we got in in a jiffy, n home. ate at the coffeeshop downstairs. he ate a rice dumpling n shao mai (a type of dimsum) while i ate abit of the shao mai. by den, it was 11+ n we were surprised the lil' coffeeshop was still open.


~


my brain's not functionin well, all cottony, fluffy n blur.. tryin to work out all the complications in my life nw.. my future. haiz.. if i have one dat is.. (x_x)
CaT cat purred at 11:59 PM
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Come What May.

no idea how it'll be tmr. can't sae i reallie wanna think abt it. in fact, i dun. haiz..


i haven't been able to slp alone these daes.. without my bro slpin in the upper bunk, the rm feels empty n creepy.. think all the horror shows i've ever watched r creepin up on mi.. =( this is so bad, dat these 2 daes, i've been waitin for my dad to get home frm work, at around 3/4 a.m before i slp.. coz i feel safer noein there's someone awake in the house. weird..


had to wake up at 8.30 todae.. set my alarm at 7, but cldn't get myself to get out of the bed, or even open my eyes, since i onli went to slp at 4am.. (-_-lll so effectively, i went thru the whole dae with onli 4.5 hrs of slp.. :p tired.. dark eyerings gettin darker. anyway, got up early coz Tri was tryin to get into the habit of wakin n slpin early, n so he wanted to meet mi at 9+ am for breakfast. so, i got out of bed, when he called to make sure i was up, n hastily got ready for the dae.

had breakfast at the Mac in amk central. i was flabbergasted when i saw the scrambled eggs they served for the Big Breakfast. HOW COME THE EGG WAS RECTANGULAR IN SHAPE???!!!! wat happened to the moist, fluffy, perfect, scrambled eggs dat they used to serve, dat i remember so fondly of, n miss so desperately.. gosh.. the scrambled eggs i can serve up r much nicer in comparison!!

after breakfast, we came back to my house, while i watched dwnloaded taiwanese variety shows, n Tri napped on my bed.. gosh.. n he had more slp than mi!! oh well.. i'm not in the habit of takin naps.. oopz.. almost forgot. he helped mi buy the rosewater n Vichy Active Anti-Imperfection Concentrate!! tryin them out nw.. so, when he woke for his nap, we continued watchin some more of the variety shows before my dad woke up n i had to go buy dinner for him (my dad). went to the new coffeeshop downstairs.. the char siew rice there is nice!! =) Tri n i went down to eat our late lunch before i bought the food for my dad n delivered it up while Tri waited downstairs..

since he wanted to get his own hp n line, we went to J8 to check things out. den, we decided to watch Hitch. all i'll sae abt it is, itz quite nice. n i was surprised we managed to get tics.. neighbourhood cinemas r more dependable when it comes to havin tics available.. hahah.. :p after the show, we were both half frozen, n went to do some grocery shoppin for him at the NTUC there. after dat, he took the mrt home frm there, while i walked home.. took abt 30mins.. brisk walk.. so i can sae, i exercised. =)

itz so cold todae!!! my hands r cold half the time.. =( haiz...

tmr = face the music.



CaT cat purred at 10:34 PM
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The Light At The End Of The World.

if there's reallie one, i hope it'll be shining bright. Fridae's Judgement Dae for all ppl waitin for their A'level results. though i have little hope, i'm prayin for the best, for mi n for him. i'm scared of the coming of Fridae .. coz it wld either bring mi higher, or throw my future into jeopardy. but datz not accurate. i threw my future into jeopardy the moment i took the risk of goin to JC despite my less-than-remarkable grades. so Fridae wld spell the end of hopin n prayin actually, coz den, we'll noe for sure, n no amt of hopin n prayin in the world will change it.

went over to Tri's house todae.. saw the intro for Final Fantasy 10 part 2.. the animations r nice..den we decided to go out for lunch, choosin between Suki Sushi or Seoul Garden. he wanted to go for Seoul Garden n so we walked down to Taka. n coz he injured his left heel yesterdae, havin stepped on something, his heel was swollen n achin n walkin was tough. had to stop at Paragon's Guardian to buy medicated plaster for his heel, n i found out dat they sell rosewater there.. YAY!!! n they also had the Vichy skincare series, which i've been lookin for.. =)

stuffed ourselves at Seoul Garden.. they kept havin gas leaks at the place n we had to stop our cookin halfway a few times coz of dat.. ate alot of meat.. gosh.. itz like so unhealthy!! ARGGGHHHH... n i din drink a single glass of plain water the whole dae.. gosh.. like dat how to save my skin n health??!! (x_x) but it was nice to finally assuage my cravin for Seoul Garden.. Kenneth joined us too, n he ate!! hahaha.. we onli paid for 2 person coz Tri n i got there first, n Kenneth said he wasn't eatin.. oopz.. think itz okie lah.. he din eat alot anyway.. the black pepper beef n the sze chuan chicken is nice..

after eatin, we headed down to PS wantin to catch the sneak preview of Hitch. gosh.. the tics were sellin like hotcakes n we cldn't get any tics. can't sae i'm surprised lah.. kinda expected dat to happen. faced with nothin to do, we headed down to Meridian Hotel where they played pool while i tired to stay awake, readin thru Seventeen, US version. i think the Singapore's version is better.. the US version was so borin, n not at all helpful where fashion or in fact, anything, was concerned. n no i'm not bein harsh.

tired... think maybe itz coz all i had the whole dae i was out was 2 glasses of iced lemon tea.. i must be dehydrated.. =( woe is mi. my poor ravaged skin.




CaT cat purred at 11:10 PM
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Curve Garden.


rather too graphic. but i like the play of shadows.. gosh.. i hope no underaged peeps r readin my blog..

borin dae.. stayed at home the entire dae, muckin around with the com n readin bks on skincare.. was supposed to go over to Tri's house, but had a headache.. n the bump on my head, when i hit my head against my bed yesterdae, isn't helpin!! PAIN!!!! thank god the bump is hidden under my hair..

haiz.. things r not right. they dun seem to be. there's this awkwardness, a tension, underneath all the normalcy.. i dunno wat i can do.. feels like we've sorta lost each other somehow.. so near yet so far..



CaT cat purred at 10:12 PM
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