call mi self-obsessed or narcisstic or wateva.. but i do like takin pics of myself on a gd dae..

here's one of my current favourite pic...




taken 2 weeks ago...


sometimes smiles r juz overrated..

-------

been tryin to finish readin one of my World Civilisations Text at home.. omg.. wonder if my brain processed anything dat i read at all.. itz like all jumbled n fragmented n incomprehensible in my mind..
CaT cat purred at 7:50 PM
....................

hmm.. dun usually edit my pics.. but when i do, all datz done is the fiddling of contrast n brightness of the picture.. :p usually edittin is done to add drama to a plain picture, or to play up certain features..


eyes.. the windows to our souls.. =)


Example 1..



the plain "Before" picture.. with a lot of clutter in the background, detractin attention frm the face. complexion also draws attention away frm the eyes, datz supposed to be the focal here..



"After" fiddling with the contrast.. added drama n inpact rite? brings out the eyes.. :p




FINAL PRODUCT!!! nothin to detract frm the features.. neater without the clutter in the background.. =)




another example of usin contrast to play up features n create or emphasize the impression dat the pic is supposed to give..

Example 2:



dark n murky "Before" picture.. can't reallie see the features rite?





TADAA!!!!






"After" tweakin the contrast again.. sharper, stronger impact. heightened "seductive" vibe?? hhahahha....





whahhahahhaa... such a bo liao post.. -_-lll sumimasen!!! will try not to waste u peepz' time in the future even if i'm bored.. hahhaha..



*all done without photoshop. dun have the program.. too lazy to dwnload n learn the ropes yet*
CaT cat purred at 4:07 PM
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woke up to dry, cracked skin on my cheeks.. red n raw n SCORCHED!! looks like they've been baked dry in the sun or something.. tried to apply makeup n go to skool but realised it was futile.. n den, when i was callin Kayee to inform her dat i wun be goin to skool, i realised dat, todae's Communications lecture have been postponed to Fridae.. which means dat, i woke up at 6am for nothin.. felt so dumb.. especially since i stayed up til 1+, 2am doin some skoolwork.. -_-lll no wonder her hp was switched off when i called.. n to think i tried callin for abt 3 times..

so, spent the dae at home with my face slathered with honey n mentholatum.. honey din work, so i switched to mentholatum.. the tingling cool feelin of it on my skin was great!!!! loved it! very exhilaratin.. =) n it managed to soothe my skin abit n brought down some of the redness.. Manda!!! the clinic.. the replacement moisturiser.. *SOBZ!!*

anyway, did a quiz todae.. did it twice.. quite accurate:

----------------------------

You feel as if you have missed out on a great deal that life had to offer and you go about trying to make up for past failures. Naturally at times you get depressed and you try to compensate for your 'missed opportunities' by living your life to the full. This is what, perhaps, may be described as 'living with exaggerated intensity'. In this way you feel you can break the chains of the past and start again - and it could be that you are right.

You need an atmosphere of peace and quiet and you would like to share a bond of understanding with the 'right person' - you have the belief that with the right person, your stress and anxiety could be minimised.

At times one is burdened with more than one's fair share of problems and this would appear to be your situation at present. But you are adamant - you know what you wish to achieve - and by giving a little and taking a little you may well find that the realization of your dreams could become a reality.

You are holding back. You need to find friends in whom you can trust and once they have proved themselves beyond all possible doubt you will be prepared to give them your all. The existing situation is not of your liking - you have an unsatisfied need for mental stimulation with others whose standards are as high as your own. Trying to control your instincts the way you do restricts your ability to open up to others and the way you feel at this time is suggestive of 'total surrender'. This is not to your liking as you consider such thoughts as weaknesses that need to be overcome. You feel that only by control, controlling your innermost thoughts, are you able to maintain your air of superiority. You want to be admired for yourself alone and not for what you can do or for what you may have done. In essence 'you need to be needed' and at the same time 'you need to need'.

You really like doing what you do and, more than that, you like yourself. Your attitude to work and to life is that 'If it's not fun - then don't do it'. You want to be liked and respected, not for who you are but for what you are - and it seems to be working.

-------------------

Much of the time you are preoccupied with things of an intensely exciting nature. You need stimulation and variation with all matters pertaining to your life. You want to be regarded as an exciting and interesting personality being able to charm and influence others. You use powerful strategies with predictable outcomes so as to avoid endangering your chances of success or undermining other people's confidence in you.

The way things are you are under considerable stress and you feel that there is little hope of matters righting themselves. Everyone about you seems to aggravate the problem even more. You feel that at this time you need to be alone and you are right - move back and give yourself a chance to breathe.

You know what you want and you are very dogmatic and demanding - especially in your emotional demands. You have specific ideas and beliefs and if these beliefs are not realised you can become extremely frustrated. You may not be that perfect but you are looking for perfection with the perfect partner.

You are trying to prove yourself - not only to yourself but also to everyone around you. There is much that you would like to say and do but the situation warrants self-restraint and that is the last thing that you have on your mind. It would seem that you have an unsatisfied need to ally yourself with others whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to stand out from the crowd. This is subjecting you to considerable stress but you tend to stick to your attitudes despite lack of appreciation. Of course, you are finding the situation uncomfortable and would like nothing better but to break away from it but you don't like the idea of compromise. Your main problem is that you are unable to resolve the situation because you continually postpone making the necessary decisions. You feel that if you make the wrong choice this would lead to such opposition that you would not be able to command the esteem of others. It is essential that those around you are prepared to comply with your wishes.

You really like doing what you do and, more than that, you like yourself. Your attitude to work and to life is that 'If it's not fun - then don't do it'. You want to be liked and respected, not for who you are but for what you are - and it seems to be working.

---------------------


n here's the promised pic of my ugly little face.. heehee.. realised i've nv taken pics with my glasses on.. here it looks abit weird coz the glasses slipped down abit.. :p tryin to look like an AV teacher thingy at 7am.. nutz.. -_-lll ended up lookin so blur n "tired but happie dat there's no need to go skool".. hahha..




ENJOY THE TRAUMA!!!! heehee..






natural flush due to my scorched cheeks..


PS: there'll be one everydae til i finish my supply of pics.. :p
CaT cat purred at 8:12 PM
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right.. time to get my act together..

went to meet Tri yesterdae.. met in town.. went to walk around since there was nowhere in particular dat we wanted to go..

chatted with Grace too.. =) haven't done dat for a long long time.. glad dat we haven't drifted apart too much.. felt touched dat she cares, n took time out to ask abt mi coz she seems to be so busy.. got the feelin dat she's tryin to stay strong, n din noe how to broach it, or lighten the hint of tension i sensed.. i'm juz reallie bad at this.. hmm.. i'll juz keep prayin dat she's happie everydae..


watched Final Fantasy VII- Advent Children.. nice!! oh gosh.. the animations looked so realistic.. gosh.. all the characters looked so pretty!! yep.. even the guys.. love their eyes.. =) itz worth watchin..


i'm lookin like an extremely sunburnt person nw.. think itz due to my new moisturiser dat i got frm the clinic.. burnin sensation!!! think all my capillaries in the cheeks muz have burst.. my cheeks r super red n sore.. =( oh manz.. somethin have gone wrong with my skin.. it wasn't this sensitive in the past..


nvmm.. guess i'll pass my trauma to u peepz by showin u guys my ugly face.. whahhaha..


...


.......



..............






BOO!!








see!! wah! so sunshiny and happie!!!! *collapse in hysterical laughter*


mayb i shld post up my ugly face with a different expression each dae.. juz to bug ppl.. heehee..
CaT cat purred at 10:44 PM
....................

She is a new student in my course.. a fren of Tri's jc classmate, YL.. he n his fren K met her when tri once brought K to YL's bbq.. i din go.. n Tri din speak to her nor noe her..

on the first dae of skool this sem, she met Bel n asked if Bel knew anyone in the course called Cat. she proceeded to ask "Is that Cat?" everytime someone walked into the lecture hall..

she was sittin with Bel n company when i arrived at the lecture hall.. she was sittin behind mi.. durin break time, Bel muz have told her i'm Cat, coz she called my name.. i turned around n was greeted by a complete stranger.. i've never seen nor heard abt her before.. she asked "are u Tri's gf?" n i wondered how she knew him.. as it is, she din, not reallie..

for the rest of the dae, she told mi she's heard so much abt mi frm ppl whom i dun even noe, nor noe mi.. she was namin a bunch of strangers' names n i had to smile n be polite.. i din feel gd abt her.. i never did like ppl whom i dunnoe actin as if they noe mi very well n actin over friendly.. but i kept it to myself coz i tot dat there was no pt antagonisin her.. watz the pt of brushin her off n hurtin her feelings?

dat nite, Bel told mi dat the whole grp of our frens dun like her, coz of some reasons datz got nothin to do with mi, n wondered if there's any way of easin her out of the grp.. i suggested dat they give her time to find her own group of frens, since itz onli her first dae in this skool afterall.. she's bound to stick with ppl whom she sorta noe while her learned her way around..


BIG MISTAKE.. y did i even bother?

last nite, Tri told mi dat she's been talkin bad abt mi to K. n K is Tri's best fren.. when it comes to K's words against mine, the odds r definitely against mi.. n accordin to K, she's been sayin that i've been "flirtin in skool always with a particular guy".. and she asked "wat Tri see in her. she's so ugly."

how can it be when since skool started, i've been goin to skool for a grande totale of 2 daes per week? i'm not in skool most of the time! how am i suppose to hook up with guys when i'm not even around in skool? n when i am in skool, i'm with Jillian n Kayee.. gals.. i'm always with the gals.. n even if i did speak to guys, itz coz they r probably hangin around to chat with Jillian or Kayee, not mi. but i can't rmb ever exchangin more than a few comments with them.. n in class, i'm seated onli with Kayee, coz i'm always sittin at the end of the row, with her beside mi. no guys. i dun even see her around out of class. how wld she noe wat i do when she dun see mi? itz a total joke.. especially since i onli stick with the gals.. how? how can i "flirt with a particular guy" when i dun go to skool often, dun spend enuf time in skool to build new frenships, dun chat alot with anyone except Kayee n Jillian, dun sit beside anyone but Kayee, dun like the idea of flirtin with guys, dun talk to guys often, dun see her once out of class, n spend all my time in skool with gals.. how?

n i'm ugly? gee.. she's makin mi out to be some thick-skinned, slutty scum-of-the-earth.. i suppose all the compliments i've ever received in my life so far were given out of pity for my extreme ugliness, or out of basic courtesy. but den, how can i be ugly n flirt with some guy? thanx.. i was already wonderin wat Tri saw in mi.. i've never stopped wonderin n fearin dat i might not be good enuf for him.. not attractive enuf yada yada.. n nw, i have someone to confirm my fears dat i'm ugly n not gd enuf. thanx for shakin my confidence to itz very foundations.. n i can't trust compliments anymore.. coz i'll wonder, is it given out of pity or courtesy? i doubt myself as well as everyone.. i've lost all my confidence..

n i fear.. how much Tri doubts mi n not tell mi, n how much he'll believe her words.. how much weight does my words carry.. how he sees mi.. i keep wonderin n wonderin, questionin n questionin..

y mi? y mi of all people? wat did i do to her? happie coincidence? i juz happen to be unlucky enuf to be her target of slander? she noe dat K is Tri's best fren. wat is she tryin to do? break my relationship? taint it with her lies? colour it with doubt? she's cast everything into shadows.. i dunnoe how much he trust mi anymore, nor whether he values mi anymore.. lost. even if he sae all the right stuff, how do i noe if he's not thinkin otherwise? wat did i do to deserve this? y mi?

the onli thing i can think of doin dat might have hurt her was unintentionally revealin her lie to K.. she told him she was studyin somewhere else, somewhere more prestigious.. but look where she is.. i din noe abt her til i mentioned to Tri dat she's my coursemate n he put 2 n 2 together.. how was i to noe she lied? n i wonder if she noes dat we noe abt her lie.. if she does, mayb dat'll explain something.. but it stll doesn't justify as to y she's draggin my name thru the mud in Tri's eyes.. she noes K will probably tell Tri.. so y is she tryin to wreck my relationship? wat have she got to gain if anything happens?

well.. she's kinda succeeded haven't she? i dunnoe wat he believes, n i dunnoe wat i believe.. K isn't even in my skool.. he saes he'll look into this? but i wonder, how much of the truth can he see? i keep feelin, the odds r against mi..

n y is it, dat he din defend mi, nor felt any outrage at the slander hurled at his gf..

y mi? of all people.. wat is it dat she wans? y mess with my life?

mayb wat she sae is true.. mayb i'm ugly..

but i'm definitely not a flirt, nor did i flirt..

dunnoe wat to think anymore..

CaT cat purred at 10:41 PM

a picture speaks a thousand words.. guess this best reflects my emotional landscape..


i'm tired.. tired of fightin my own battles.. tired of havin to fend for myself when ppl spread malicious lies about mi, backstab mi, when i've been nothin short of cordial to them.

i feel sick.. watz the pt of bein nice when this is wat i receive in exchange? frm someone whom i din even harm.. i wonder watz her motive for her lies.. tryin to tear my relationship apart? coz wat she said about mi were baseless lies.. n yet everythin is cast into doubts at her lies..

i'm tired.. tired to the very marrow of my bones.. sick to my very core.. i dun wanna fight my battles by myself anymore.. i dun wan to have to be the one defendin myself anymore.. watz the point? watz the point when ppl will think "oh! of coz she wun admit dat she have any faults! of coz she'll defend herself!"


my defences lend no credence.. watz the point? y do i even bother speakin up for myself anymore? y do i even hope anyone will speak up for mi?

ppl think i'm a toughie huh? i'm not.. i'm fallin apart from all the negative, inaccurate, insensitive comments flung at mi, the lies tarnishin my reputation n image.. n i dun wan to have to speak up for myself anymore...



is there anyone willin to defend mi? to stand on my side, before mi? to fight my battles for mi? to protect mi from any storms that'll come my way?

i'm startin to think there aren't... =(




who is there to shelter mi frm the storms? to help mi ride over the rough patches? to let mi hide behind?


i'm thinkin.. nobody..



i dun wanna be strong for myself no more..



the people tryin to get mi down, see this n pop ur champagnes..


YOU HAVE SUCCEEDED.





CaT cat purred at 4:18 AM
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Mid-Autumn Festival is juz round the corner again.. festival of mooncakes n tea, Chang E n Hou Yi, the moon, candles n lanterns..

i still wonder if itz ever possible to set a pool on fire.. i wonder abt dat every year.. pourin oil on the surface of the pool n settin it alight.. who said water and fire can't co-exist? but i dun think there'll ever come a chance where i can try this out.. :p

candles.. think the most romantic setting that candles n a pool can create is by lightin tealights n settin them afloat in the pool.. especially if the tealights r scented.. =) imagine a pool of scented tealights bobbin with the water in the dark.. think i have too many of such fancy notions in my head..


Mid-Autumn Festival also never fail to bring to mind an incident dat happened in Sec 2..


was told dat nite dat the class will be havin a gatherin at Bishan Park to play with candles n such.. i agreed to go, n met up with my classmate at the appointed time n place.. he den told mi dat the rest will be late, or not comin, n suggested dat we head to Bishan Park first.. took a long time walkin there frm AMK Central..

i never suspected anything was weird.. -_-lll too guilible..

when we got there, he told mi dat the rest decided to cancel out.. n dat since we were there with the candles, might as well not let them go to waste.. so we were seated on the bench lightin candles on the curb of the path in Bishan Park, when he started commentin on the tranquility of the park at nite, of how round n bright the moon was.. yada yada.. x_x dat was when i got the first creepin sensation dat something was NOT QUITE right.. hmm..

then he asked if there was anyone i liked.. n said dat actually he knew the rest weren't comin.. n dat this was a set up, to create a chance for his "Confession".. ugh..

on hearin dat, i almost burnt my hair with the candle i was holdin.. din help dat i had long hair den.. n i started wishin for home.. as such, we soon packed up n went home, with him insistin to send mi back.. O_O wth..

yep.. frm den on, i avoided him like the plague.. oopz.. it was juz so wrong, n the way he purposely manipulated things juz reallie irked mi..


nw that i think back, the avoidin thing was kinda childish.. i'm glad i'm no longer that way.. juz coz i din like him din mean i shld juz avoid him.. guess i din realise that it was a very hurtin thing to do, as well as kinda petty.. i was grapplin with the awkwardness, as well as not wantin to give him any wrong ideas, but i'm sure he din feel too gd either.. kinda sorie that i cldn't be more generous-hearted in the past n juz treat him as normal..


guess itz true dat though ppl can yearn for romance, they dunnoe wat to do with it when it reallie comes..

i'm learnin n practicin.. =)
CaT cat purred at 2:59 PM
....................

been gettin some sort of anxiety attack thingy every nite these few daes.. some sort of panicky, uneasy feelin dat juz wun go away.. i've been tryin to figure out the reasons for it, but i can't seem to reach a conclusion..

am i reallie dat stressed abt my skool n not noe it? i have to get all As this semester in order to pull up my overall GPA to meet the minimum requirements.. am i subconciously stressed up over this without bein aware of it?

or is it becoz of my skin? i know i'll have a horrible breakout soon. in fact, itz never reallie cleared.. n i've finished all my medications n depleted my funds.. is dat y i'm feelin so worried n panicky?

is it becoz i'm sick nw? n dat this anxiety is an effect of flu? but since when did a flu start makin a person feel as if he/her heart is beatin faster n dat somehow something was wrong?

is it a sixth sense warnin mi fo somethin bad dat'll happen soon?

or is it the illogical fear that i wun get to slp at nite, or have difficulty slpin well?


there seems to be alot of stuff buggin mi huh? how do i begin to decide wat is the real reason for my uneasiness??

CaT cat purred at 11:35 PM

though i look terrible in these pics, i decided to display them in order to liven up this place abit..

taken on the photo machine in skool, when i had to take a pic for my Student Information Sheet for World Civilisations.. -_-lll Kayee look abit like a guy?? OOPZ!! whahhaha.. dun we look abit like a pair of very matchin couple?! x_x

it looks inspired by Alot Like Love doesn't it??

the first pic was crappy coz we were caught off-guard by the machine as it din give any indication of when it was gonna start snappin.. kinda look abit like a poster for a horror flick, with her bein the main character, n mi bein the ghost dat suddenly decided to appear beside her.. x_x my pale complexion beside her very healthy one din help abit..



lalallala... sick.. very sick.. =(
CaT cat purred at 9:44 PM
....................

met up with him todae..

headed down to Paragon Coffeebean to collect a textbook from Kayee.. had to do some readings for class n the textbook was out of stock when i went to buy it.. so had to borrow frm her.. he came to meet mi n after tryin to help out with his Critical Thinkin assignment, we gave up n went for breakfast at Mos in Taka..

the rest of the dae was spent tryin to find a pair of shoes dat'll be good for playin street soccer with, for him. went to Mustafa at Farrer Road n bought alot of bangles.. pretty!! =) bought them in turquoise n green.. would have bought more.. but decided not to be greedy.. :p bought some glass rings too.. they look candy-like.. guess i juz like accessories dat look like candy.. :p shall go there to buy some other stuff like makeup n health supplements in the future since the prices there r somehow slightly cheaper as compared to other places..

went to Peninsula Shoppin Centre too.. discovered this boutique, think itz called Invention, dat sells one-of-a-kind dresses n clothes imported frm Korea.. YAY!!! all lacy n vintage lookin, as well as unique.. I WAN!!! but din buy anything coz i'm broke.. he offered to pay for mi but i refused.. doesn't feel right to mi.. :p

tirin.. my ankles n back were achin frm standin n walkin so much.. got abit cranky for awhile.. oopz! sorie.. =( think it was also coz i din eat anything after the fries n the ebi rice burger at Mos in the mornin.. was terribly hungry.. mayb my blood sugar went low, resultin in the moodswing..

had dinner at Sakae.. his treat.. felt guilty abt goin there.. coz it seems i've been causin him to spend alot.. die.. muz remedy dat..

bushed.. wonder how i'm gonna finish all the readings tmr.. still achin all over..
CaT cat purred at 11:56 PM
....................

i have a skoolmate who apparently thinks i'm a bimbo..

"i look at Cat n frm wat i see, i dun think she's smart or can study"






OH!! IZZIT??!

n he din juz insult mi, he insulted my frens too..

n he thinks he's oh-so-smart..


well well.. all i can sae is, if he thinks i'm not smart or "study material" frm the way i look, i'm so glad he thinks this way..

coz i dun wan to look like a coarse, rubbery-faced snob, which i guess in his opinion is wat smart people (him, in his opinion) should look like.. Thanx for thinkin i look gd den.. or at least better than YOU. *smirk*



n i feel like bestowin 2 slaps on him, across his flubbery cheeks for his arrogance, n den smile at him "bimbotically", battin my long mascara-ed eyelashes, while sayin,


"what goes around comes around.. you should know better than to talk about someone behind their backs.. especially when you are bitchin about someone you don't even know, nor will ever have the honour of knowin. a slap for that, and a slap for being so shallow, you judge them from the way they look n bitch like an idiot, without having any basis for your insults."


what a repulsive, loser-ish ass..




CaT cat purred at 9:53 PM

A quiz on which character's personality mine most resembles.. frm my current favourite anime, Bleach. =)



Take The quiz yourself
CaT cat purred at 1:48 AM
....................

Happie 2nd Anniversary to us.. =)
CaT cat purred at 11:59 PM
....................

I tried to hold on to the bliss of perfect happiness,

then i realised that the hold is too tenuous..



Silences become longer, embraces shorter.




Different faces for different people

a series of masks

a mask for every occasion..



Life- a parade of never-endin masquerades..


CaT cat purred at 7:19 PM

FUCK YOU!!!

YOU MAKE ME SICK.

CaT cat purred at 2:23 AM
....................

i haven't been this angry in a long long long time.

alot of people might think i'm totally utterly over-reactin. but den, datz coz they dun freakin understand.

i've been waitin 2 weeks for my skin to clear up. n the last time i went to get the moisturiser, wat did the lady tell mi?

"oh.. the moisturiser is out of stock. AND, WE DON'T KNOW WHEN ITZ COMIN"

how can they not know when the stock is comin? i'm not the onli patient there. n most of the patients are there coz of their skin. so how can they not know when the stock is comin when itz so essential in the whole medication?

n there was this smugness in her expression. watz she so fuckin smug about? wld have had great pleasure wipin that smugness of her face with a tight slap. or mayb make that 2, to balance things out abit.


u think i'm over-reactin? datz coz u dun understand how much frustration i 'm faced with. my skin is almost my everything to mi, somethin dat i spend the most time n effort takin care of on my entire body. frm my diet, the places i go, everything, n i mean EVERYTHING, hinges on my skin n itz condition.

n nw? nw i can't even hide the breakout under makeup. n datz sayin alot. datz sayin how bad it is. n 2 weeks. i'm left with 2 daes before skool starts. how am i gonna start skool like this?

i dun care abt always wearin the same stuff though i'm sick of them.

i dun care abt being broke.

i can even go without makeup. i abhor it anyway. but it is a neccessary evil to mi.

i can exchange all that, for my skin to be gd, juz to make sure dat my skin is gd, if my skin is gd.

but wat nw? i'm down to 2 daes, n my skin is still red n blotchy. i'm utterly broke. i dun even wanna step out of the house. i hate the mirror. i hate wakin up in the mornin to my flawed skin.

it will get better??? H.A.H.A. it definitely can't get any worse. i'll kill myself.

screw skool. if this doesn't clear, skool's not gonna start for mi til it does.


CaT cat purred at 9:36 PM
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