Santa's Cat by Amethyste frm Deviant.

a tad inappropriate nw, but, who cares? itz cute n there r 12 daes of Christmas. :p

so, itz officially New Year's Eve nw. n i'm sittin here typin, freezin my fingers off n fightin off the initial pangs of gastric pain.. -_-lll

so much for dinner. a bowl of soup n a handful of Lays chips dun count i suppose. n i dun remember eatin anythin else on Fri, except for those.. which means, i've gone one dae without a proper meal! mayb i shld persist n see how many daes i can last before i cave in to hunger.. heeheee...

rite. no plans for New Year's Eve yet. i feel like such a no-life. ugh..
CaT cat purred at 1:29 AM
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a pic dat i figure Jillian n Kayee will like. well, i like it too.

had a busy dae. tired frm all the rushin around.. am fallin sick. =(

anyway, ppl, look out for the revamped Marina Square. checked it out todae n i think it has great potential as the nxt shoppin/ hangout haven.
CaT cat purred at 12:43 AM
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can't slp... i'm juz hopelessly pathetic.
CaT cat purred at 1:38 AM
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some talent scoutin company called Create Talents juz called to ask mi for an audition tmr.. told them i wun be goin n the person asked if i'm interested in bein a model.. said no. if u think i'm flatterin myself, u r wrong. i'm juz waitin for u guys to jump out of the woodwork, tellin mi dat all these ppl r scams who juz get ppl indiscriminately n call, n dat they r not credible yada yada.. so, gettin approached by such agencies no longer offer any consolation, noein wat ppl feel abt them. n itz like i'm tainted with dat same brush by writin this down nw.

but den, like i give a damn.


onli bright spot todae wld be dat mum bought mi Chocopie. a big box. mummy's the best.

n with the exception of a few other peepz, the rest of the world can go burn in hell for all i care.
CaT cat purred at 5:33 PM

morbid, dark humour. but i like.

been havin one bad dae after another. sick n tired of everything datz comin my way. i hate it. but i dun wanna cry. i shall juz brush off everythin like it doesn't matter, doesn't touch mi, n act strong, even though i do wanna cry.

DAMNIT.

mayb i shld juz find some way to get the arrow out of my back.

CaT cat purred at 4:20 PM
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A Cold Christmas Day by Aquasixio on DeviantArt.

Merry Christmas to everyone!

my Christmas Eve n Dae was eventful.

hope u peepz enjoyed urs.
CaT cat purred at 3:11 PM
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so i guess itz Christmas Eve already..

spent my Fridae at home. bought this miniature metal-wired Christmas tree for Spotlight the other dae, n did it up todae. with beads woven into the wires.. dun look very Christmassy, but itz still delicate n pretty.. intricate beads woven into the cool metal, clash of style.. hahahhaaa... i shld do this for a livin. either crappin, or arts n crafts.

juz finished sewin a red silk Christmas stockin for him too. wonderin wat to get for him, to stuff into the stockin. it looks kinda crappy, considerin my limited patience n eptitude at sewin.. but still, HAND SEWN LEH.. ya! BIG DEAL K? coz how often do u get ppl handsewin stuff for u?

but, i hand-sewed it coz, i dunnoe how to use the sewin machine.. -_-lll

did i mention it doesn't look very gd? coz i actually cut off the 2 sleeves of a silk blouse, coz i din go out n buy cloth as it was a last min idea..

rite.. wat shld i stuff it with besides candy? guess i'll noe tmr when i go last min shoppin before meetin him.. wat with limited cash n stuff, the stuffins wun be much.. =(

we have no plans for tmr.. think we'll end up driftin around answerin for last min plans made by frens, askin us to join. hope dat happens. *prays hard* town will be crowded.. geee...

tmr, i'll be busy, busy, busy.. as well as freakin broke..


manda, bon voyage. haf fun n dress warm. keep urself moisturised.
CaT cat purred at 2:50 AM
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juz got home at 8+am this mornin..

went hardware shoppin with Tri yesterdae. i bought some stuff too, when we went to Spotlight. headed for his house to put dwn his stuff, n den we had some sort of unhappiness n i ended up goin off by myself.

on my way home, walked past Paragon n ended up droppin by Coffeebean to see if Kayee was workin.. well, she was, n seein dat i was down, offered to accompany mi after work.. we ended up eatin salted popcorn outside Cheers in Cineleisure, before she suggested dat we go KTV-ing.. after some consideration, i agreed.

first time at a KTV lounge.. the prices for food n snacks were exorbitant! n i decided dat sleep n mi r gd frens. think i suffer frm withdrawal symptoms when i dun slp by around 2am.. anway, things wrapped up at 5am, n i decided to try my luck n call Tri, to see if he's still upset with mi, n whether i could go over to his place, since he was goin to Yio Chu Kang in the mornin for his drivin lessons. decided dat mayb i can help wake him up on time..

well, he answered n i went over, with Kayee walkin mi there. the first thing he said to mi was dat i smelt terrible. n itz true. i stank of cigarettes.. =( i dun smoke, but my clothes, hair, skin, everything, was juz simply stained with the smell. so i took a shower n dressed in the clothes he lent mi..

felt at peace den.. despite everything. ultimately, he din get much slp, all thanks to mi.. haiz... i'm feelin jinxed these daes. he eventually gave up on slp n went to shower before breakfast, when i caved in to fatigue n napped. he woke mi up when he was ready to go, n sent mi home before headin for his lesson. =)

Kayee, thanx for sacrificin ur rest n time. focus on watz already there in front of u, coz no matter wat, itz precious n deserve to be cherished.

Tri, sorie for all the trouble.. =( deprived u of proper rest..
CaT cat purred at 9:35 AM
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juz finished a movie dat i dwnloaded.. some romantic flick featurin Ekin Cheng n Lin Jia Xing..

one part of it struck mi.. where the female lead pondered over A, the guy whom she liked, but took her for granted, n B- the new love, who wld no doubt cherish her..

n i wondered, y ppl cling.. Mr A had a longer history with her, but he treated her as a backup. B, well, a sorta "ultimate dream guy" of women in the film, very well matched with her.

so, y did she hesitate forsakin A for B?

security? but there's not much security there.. watz so secure abt bein a backup?


or is it juz dat ppl tend to cling to ppl whom they noe wun love them as much? out of stubborness, out of hope? n there's also the fear dat wat u might forsake, is already the best there is.

i think, it might also be the uncertainty/ possibility of gettin hooked on bein loved more than one loves. the fear dat havin gotten used to it, shld one ever lose it, the person will feel lost without it.


"itz better to have loved n lost, than to never have loved at all"

i'm sorie. but i think dat does not cater to the faint-hearted.. coz ultimately, they'll rather not have to face up to the loss. i think, they'll prefer havin not loved. u can't miss wat u've never had. n when u've already had somethin in the first place, the fear is heightened, n one may decide, y not juz settle for watz already there?

so, most will rather cling, than leave n pursue new horizons.

or maybe itz juz mi..


CaT cat purred at 3:35 AM
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sometimes, i think, n i wonder..

do i still have too many unrealistic, idealistic expectations of romantic relationships?

but how can dat be possible?

when i've already lowered the bar so much..


CaT cat purred at 3:04 AM
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how i can forget somethin as interestin as this, i can't imagine.. -_-lll rite.. mayb u wun find it interestin, but for mi with my lil' mundane n borin life, itz somethin..

i added cheese to my curry flavoured instant noodles!!! heeheeee... processed cheese, juz a slice of it.. sounds gross? was kinda curious abt how it wld taste, n decided i needed a calcium boost..

amanda, i noe u r goin "wth.. she muz be mad.." :p

for anyone who're curious, it tasted alrite.. though i imagine it can be better.. mayb next time i'll try addin more stuff..

*skips off to think*
CaT cat purred at 10:13 PM

watched Harry Potter with Tri yesterdae.. the show was kinda "ermz.."

he bought a pair of black heeled sandals for mi.. =) n though it gave mi blisters after awhile, i still like it.. whahahhahaaa... dat sounds dumb.

hols leave mi a tendency to wake late n slp late.. ugh.. unhealthy. had a nitemare last nite. it was horrible!!! so vivid dat i woke up fearin..

time to dream of Christmas. =) favourite time of the yr..
CaT cat purred at 5:19 PM
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Quick update for yesterdae..

i went to the gym at his house in the evenin!! *gasp in disbelief*

heehee.. did somethin dat i haven't done since pri skool.. SKIP!!! i think i'm better at it nw, though my stamina is so much lousier.. better body coordination with age i guess.. din get whipped by the rope..

after dat, we went to CoffeeBean n Paragon. got Pure Choc n disturbed Kayee for awhile. den, we went dwn to Breadtalk n he got some food, before he sent mi home..

not feelin particularly achy.. =)
CaT cat purred at 1:02 PM
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rite.. so, y am i still up at this hour, though i've been feelin nauseous n achy the whole dae? very disoriented..

Fridae's post..

slpt at 2.30am (thurs nite/ fri mornin), n woke up at 6.30am.. was up speed-readin my txtbk in preparation for my paper..

was abit late for my last (2nd) paper.. cldn't get a cab for the longest time, while i stood in the drizzle..din wan to take the bus coz it wld be slower.. oh well.. think i cld have made it in time if i took the bus when i got out of the hse..

anyway, watz the pt of tryin to book a cab when u call n they tell u:

" sorie. there r currently no cab services available now"..

wth.. ppl book cabs when they can't get one on the road n r in a hurry? so, being "unavailable" kinda defeats the purpose of bookin cabs, no? yes. n they make u hold for the longest time.. i do not wan to imagine my nxt phonebill..

thanx to Jing Jing n Kayee for tryin to help mi book cabs! =) enjoy ur hols!!

yep.. thanx to the cab driver too.. eventually managed to flag a cab. he managed to get mi to skool within abt 10mins, a feat considerin dat the trip usually takes abt 20mins. so, i was onli a few mins late for the paper..

tried readin on the cab some of the things i skipped at nite.. big mistake.. ended up with a headache n nauseousness.. both of which lingered for the entire dae.. =(

the paper was alrite.. n itz all over!! hols.. yippee!

poor Zhi.. she was late for slightly more than 30mins n cldn't sit for the paper..

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went to eat at Mac before headin to town after the paper. accordin to peepz who tried the rice burgers, the verdict was "u'll regret it. i feel sick."

went to town with Kayee.. she was headin to work n i was headin to Tri's house.. bought some stuff at Watsons, n scoped around for gift ideas for awhile..

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headed to Tri's house.. had a nap before he woke mi up to accompany him to the supermarket for grocery shoppin.. headed dwn to Taka's Coldstorage with him n his maid. met Pam there.. =)

for those who can't imagine mi grocery shoppin, or doin anything remotely domestic (my UB coursemates), i helped carry grocery bags on my own accord k? while Tri got away with almost not carryin anythin.. the maid had to carry the most stuff.. so sad.. she din wanna let us (mi) help.. -_-lll

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went back to his house for dinner.. sushi n instant noodles.. den he got mi to "learn" how to play Need For Speed, some racin game.. whahahhaa... it was a disaster.. the car crashed into walls even with juz the slightest directin frm mi. i'm juz not cut out to play games.. :p

took a nap again, n den he sent mi home..

nw, feelin abit hungry, very nauseous, very achy n sick.. ugh.. everyone around mi have been feelin under the weather!! i hope i dun get the bug.. or mayb itz juz lack of proper rest n lingerin (for too long) effects of motion sickness.. felt terribly sick whenever i got into a vehicle todae (fri).

i feel miserable though hols have started.. -_-lll
CaT cat purred at 1:49 AM
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oopz! n i was thinkin there's nothin to update for Tuesdae..

but, first thing first..

HAPPIE MONTHSARY TO US!!! =) heeheee...

rite.. tuesdae..

rmb i onli found out dat the comms paper was on Tues, n not Weds, abit too late? well, call mi the queen of speed readin.. :p nw, lets pray dat i'll be fine.

after the paper, went to town with Kayee coz we wanted to walk off the stress of our paper.. went around frm Taka to Centrept.. Centerpt sells lovely Christmas tree ornaments.. dinner was at Starhub Centre.. met up with Tri n his fren, PeiWei after dat.. PeiWei brought us to this Japanese restaurant in Novena.. the place seems pretty popular n authentic, since it was full with Japanese, n we were told dat we might need to restrict our time there coz there were further reservations for our table..

i dragged Kayee along with mi.. oopz... thanx for comin!! if not i'll be so extra there.. x_x

think i've met my love rivals in Tri's frens.. saded.. feelin threatened!! ugh..

anyway, Tri sent mi home after walkin around in AMK central, as well as sit at the playground n chat with mi, before he went home.. Peiwei had to go home by himself first.. Kayee went to meet her fren.

nw, Tri shld be at Peiwei's house..

did i mention i'm feelin oh-so-threatened by this fren of Tri? x_x
CaT cat purred at 2:14 AM
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once in awhile, i get an extremely gd reason for spoutin expletives..


huh?!! wat??!!! TMR IS OUR COMMS PAPER???!!

not weds? x_x


@#$%&*&$@@..........

i'm so gonna die..
CaT cat purred at 11:34 PM
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we watched Chicken Little on fri nite.. n after dat, he sent mi home.

we sat at the playground chattin.. however, we hit some snags , n fell silent. he asked abt our relationship, the look in his eyes- wistful. itz seldom dat he's so serious. there were problems, n i guess he decided we shld stop evadin. tears fell, n he wiped them away. the wind started pickin up as we sat side by side on the slides. rain started fallin, n he gathered mi in his arms coz i was cold, n cryin..

we sat there for awhile, wonderin wat was to come. sittin there in the rain, i din ever wanna let go..

hope is a powerful thing. we moved out of the rain, n carried on the conversation elsewhere. n we decided to keep tryin. i guess i'm still not ready to let go, n i think, neither is he.

off to a new start. =) wish us luck.
CaT cat purred at 12:22 AM
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alot of stuff to blog abt.. alot of stuff's been happenin.. but, i dun think i can.

went to town with kayee after skool yesterdae.. got my hair trimmed at Far East before we headed for Orchard library. headed to Heeren, n checked if NUM sold sandal straps separately.. well, they dun. so i guess if i wan those sandals, i've gotta buy a new pair..

dinner was with her at Cine's pastamania.. she bumped into a lot of acquaintances.. makes mi wonder, y my life is so different.. hardly see anyone i noe whenever i go town. anyway, we headed back to taka again, before goin to paragon's metro so that she can find somethin to spend her voucher on.. to no avail. in the end, we bought drinks frm 7-11, mineral water for mi, beer for her, n went to sit outside taka to chat.. guess we din feel like goin home..

being outside home, esp at nite, seems to be a refuge away frm reality. mayb datz y i dun like goin home too early when i'm out, if i can help it. itz like the moment i step through the door at home, there'll be tons of realities n stuff dat i've gotta oversee n handle.. being out like dat last nite, was like a step back frm reality.. reality that's too saddenin, too harsh. n nite time was all the better, coz the darkness provides a sorta shield, a sense of security, even if itz juz a false sense of it..

i went home, n found out some stuff.. had to confront it, coz i wasn't left with other choices.. growin numb.. my heart still recoil at the idea, esp since i'm still slowly discoverin the impact.. about all the things dat have been changed. some stuff, i can never gat back.. i'm tired n hurt beyond words.. trust is slippin out of my hands, my hold on it tenuous.. i wan to believe. but u can't blame mi, if i find it hard. this time, itz all gone too far. in my heart of hearts, i'm still grieving..

trust is a two-way thing.. u've stopped trustin mi a long time ago, stopped respectin mi since a long time ago. my implicit trust in u have now been broken, my defenses breached. my life now bear the mark of your actions, marred by ur brush. u've caused mi to break all the promises i've ever made to myself. i can't help it if i can never feel the same again. i will try of coz, but my mind wans to forgive, but also, to walk off forever. my heart, wans to remember, but yet still hope n dun wanna go.

i feel like such a fool. i think i'm being played as one. i feel like a puppet.

i've forgiven for now.
pray dat i'll forget.

CaT cat purred at 1:45 PM
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