had my shower n felt for my ring.. of coz it wasn't there any longer. my pledge to him, though he never wore his willingly. i guess i shouldn't be surprised at the now. he's never reallie pledged himself to mi the way i did for him.

tears in the shower, til there were onli wrenchin sobs.. til i couldn't tell the difference between tears n water. n i recalled all the times we had together. even nw, i'm recallin.. n i can't seem to stop the flow of memories, even though it hurts to remember.

how could all have changed in a matter of hours?

i'm still marked.

love is blind? i must still be blind. despite it all, i'm still lovin him..

n i must be mad. for despite it all, i still wish he'll come back to mi..
CaT cat purred at 11:03 PM

alot of things have happened, some gd, some bad.

can't reallie be bothered abt them anymore, so i wun blog in detail.

mindless hurts.. i can't believe that wat i held so important seems to be very insignificant to..

doesn't matter. it's over.

and eventually, i might stop hurtin.
CaT cat purred at 10:23 PM
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havin a splitin headache.. but juz wanna get some stuff out of my system, or failin dat, at least try to put things into a better perspective, or quite simply, vent.

tears don't sit well with mi anymore. this sorta sums up my ventin since i have no desire of recallin everything again. juz noe dat i'm tired n sick out of my mind of some stuff, n i juz wanna shut them all out frm nw on. preferably, they can juz remain buried forever.

toss up between settlin for less, or puttin in more effort.

dunnoe wat i'm talkin abt? dun bother, since i'm bein deliberately vague. dun interpret things ur own way either, coz it'll juz be a misinterpretation dat i have no energy clarifyin or explainin. ppl who r wonderin n worryin, don't. u noe i'll always bounce back. a pity for dat. it might be nice to simply break down once n for all.
CaT cat purred at 2:01 AM
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wat goes up must come down. n they did, crashin down.

happiness is always shortlived, n words can hurt more than sticks and broken bones. it is depressin dat in some ppl's eyes, i deserve not an ounce of respect.
i'm nobody's whore.
i guess itz worse when it comes frm ppl whom u thought were frens, even in the most lax sense of dat word, ppl whose natures u had even a modium of trust in. now i noe better, dat all they see when they look at wat i am n have, is something cheap n base.

but wat hurts the most, is dat you r perfectly comfortable with lettin them think dat way.
CaT cat purred at 4:48 PM
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out of the lull..

spent my weekend at Tri's place. yep.. Saturday and Sunday, stayin over on Sat nite. it was fun, juz hangin around, watchin tv, watchin anime, Nana (he dwnloaded a version with english subs), watchin him play game while i read, listenin while he discussed homework with his fren on the phone. very mundane huh? :p but i like it, coz itz the perfect excuse to laze around doin nothin, thinkin nothin.

Saturday was spent rushin around to accomplish his chores. went over in the noon n slacked around, had a very late lunch, before we decided dat it was runnin late n we still had to head down to Bugis to pray, since his mum told him to do so, seein as it was Guan Yin's (Goddess of Mercy) birthday. the temple was open longer than usual n the place was crowded with ppl.. felt kinda hassled with all the ppl jostlin around mi, laden with incense n offerings.

den, we rushed back to his house so dat he can finish his skool's online assignments before the designated deadlines. so, while he busied away, i read n washed up.. clothes stank from perspiration due to the hot weather nowadays, as well as from the stale incense smoke.

he prepared supper for mi when he was done. his maid was already aslp, so he had to prepare it by himself. had peanut-paste glutinous rice balls n homemade (by his maid) vegetarian puffs. had it in the livin room together while watchin tv. this sounds odd, but it felt excitin, though we were doin somethin reallie normal n supposedly borin. movies on his com followed, before we decided it was bedtime.

Sunday was spent eatin a late breakfast, lazin around some more, til we felt restless n tried to think of things to do. in the end, we ended up nappin til late afternoon, before we dragged ourselves to Gelatissimo at Lido for a scoop of gelato each. the gelato was reallie good, esp in the humid weather we've been havin. he sent mi home after dat. =)

feelin bushed, despite all the slp we got.. odd. -_-lll i think the more slp we get, the more sluggish n easily tired we feel.. goes to show too much of a good thing can be bad. :p

P.S: i checked out wifey's interview in the Sunday's chinese paper, Z.B Now. lolx.. not bringin personal emotions into work..she does a gd job of dat.
CaT cat purred at 10:24 PM
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all good things come to an end. itz a cliche becoz itz true.

been busy.. happily busy. the last few daes have been spent in a state of sweet bliss. i guess all gals feel dat way when their bfs r bein sweet, attentive n sensitive. daes spent together, nites spent slpin in his t-shirts, with the scent of his presence (or mayb i juz have a reallie big "thing" for Softlan) lingerin, servin as a reminder of the dae spent together..

but such periods r often too quickly followed by a lapse. itz as though such treatment can onli last for so long until they get tired of it n revert to bein blah. i'm in a lull nw, n i dun like it. ugh.. y does it have to be this way? i noe ppl will most prob tell mi dat itz these "downs" dat let u appreciate the "ups". trust mi. i can n do appreciate the "ups" even without the help of "downs". "downs" onli serve to disillusion mi n lead mi to the conclusion dat there's a time limit to how long those "ups" can last, n dat they usually have some underlyin reasons. u noe, the "cause-and-effect" thingy? where the "ups" r the effects of some "causes".. damn.

i hate it when the "ups" come crashin "down"!! i hate lackadaisical behaviour.. =(

feelin used.

CaT cat purred at 3:17 PM
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itz sad.. how ppl drift apart, thru neglect, distance, time.. how ppl who used to share their lives become strangers.

i guess i'm feelin wistful after readin a few blogs belongin ppl i used to noe, but no longer do. there's regret, in not holdin on in the past, not makin enough effort to maintain the friendships, contact. n now itz too late. i've never voiced all this out, n mayb ppl think i dun care or feel anything abt the ppl who'd entered n exit my life. but there's always a sense of regret n loss, n i try to cope by tellin myself itz normal, dat ppl grow out of phases, all lies. caring hurts, so most of the time i'll rather bury it, til it catches up with mi n i'll juz have to deal with it by buryin it deeper.

n i've never been good at makin n keepin friends.. always been painfully awkward at it.. i envy the ease others have in communicatin with the ppl around them, the way they can simply strike up conversations without any concern.... i'm shy? i think i am, but do a gd job of concealin it behind a facade of ice. itz easier dat way i guess, havin ppl keep away thinkin i'm unfriendly, rather than havin to stumble over wat to sae when.

friendships juz slip thru my fingers like water.. n i wun be surprised if one dae, i find i'm left with none.

is it the fear of rejection? of tryin n findin itz not gd enough? plain neglect?

i think i'm losin focus here. =)

CaT cat purred at 11:44 PM
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sittin here feelin sorry for myself again. another Saturdae, at home alone. =( even my bro's got more of a life than mi.
CaT cat purred at 7:31 PM
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watched Underworld with Tri todae (tues) at Cine after dinner at Pepper Lunch in Taka. feelin hungry nw.. :p

the movie was not bad, though the turnin of the ppl bitten by the lycans were rather gross. -_-lll

went over to his house after skool n saw his grandpa, who's here in Singapore for some medical attention (routine checkup?). hahahhahaaa... knowin dat his grandpa speaks Hokkien, n thinkin dat Teochew is almost the same as Hokkien, i attempted some introduction usin Teochew.. din get much reaction, though he looked amicable. =)

headed for dinner n movie in the evenin. been some time since i caught a movie with him. the last time was durin Christmas Eve. went to the arcade before the movie started. i like the shootin games. heeheee.. there's a satisfaction is hittin the "baddies" n watchin them shatter into smittereens upon bein shot. *smirks*

anyway, happie (belated) monthsary to us. =)
CaT cat purred at 12:25 AM
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rite.. itz a Saturdae nite, n it seems like the whole world is out paintin the town red. while i'm sittin here, at home in front of my com, readin.. how is dat so?



oh. i forgot.



i'm a borin lil' homebound gal who can't drink or club. -_-lll

CaT cat purred at 11:01 PM
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i want it.

FUCK IT.

been a long time since dat appeared on here huh.. there's a biggie bee-thingy hurtlin around the room, which is sealed since my bro can't slp without havin the air conditioner on. i hate all bugs. efforts to lure it out, trap it, have all failed. i'm in a supremely bad mood, frm ppl who blame their moods on mi, when i'm the one feelin sick n tired of everything coz of them. n the worst thing is, they blame mi, n den promptly hang up on mi. by nw u shld noe dat the worst thing u can do when i'm in a bad mood is dat. it'll be much easier to talk mi out of it, crack jokes, divert my attention til i can't be bothered to be upset again. let mi simmer by myself? it'll juz take a longer time to coax mi out of it.

I'M FUCKIN SICK N TIRED OF BEIN TAKEN FOR GRANTED.

SCREW SELF- SOOTHIN.

CaT cat purred at 11:43 PM
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