having mixed feelings about keepin this blog and everything else.
CaT cat purred at 10:49 PM
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once again, i'm sittin here all burnt out from skool. insufficient sleep really doesn't work for mi anymore, though i used to be able to handle it alrite. guess my attempts at switching my bio clock to healthier times worked.

parents left for the Gentings this mornin.. reminded mi that the last time i went on a holiday beyond the shores of Singapore was after Sec 4 O'levels..

received some very positive feedback from my English teacher. kinda over the moon as a result. i shall resist braggin, but let's juz sae itz sufficient motivation for mi to attend her classes from now on. i shall get the A dat she's so sure i can attain. =)

comms 205 final terms todae.. it was extremely tricky, since i wasn't exactly crystal clear about all the different definitions n concepts. no idea if i'll do extremely well or extremely horrendously. i'll keep prayin. serves mi right for rushin to finish a whole anime series yesterday instead of studyin.. lolx..

Elfen Lied ("Elf Song" in German) is an extremely good anime. it's banned in Japan (which was y it aroused my curiosity and interest) due to nudity and explicit violence. itz rather gory, but i wasn't too disturbed except for some semblance of a mild nitemare. i have a rather high threshold for violence dat doesn't feature monsters. anyway, the anime is nice n worth watchin if u dun mind gore. dun think anyone will take much exception to the nudity coz itz not exactly hentai.

i miss my parents.. i keep thinkin they'll come home anytime soon.. -_-lll itz odd whenever they r not around.
CaT cat purred at 10:09 PM
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i know i'm slippin back to an unhealthy lifestyle when:


-_-lll not good.
CaT cat purred at 5:42 PM
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craving for a cold hard drink to drown my sorrows into oblivion. the emptiness is too hard to bear.

anyone willing to douse mi in alcohol?
CaT cat purred at 7:39 PM

why does the sight of falling rain never fail to make mi feel bleak, desolate n lonely?
CaT cat purred at 3:00 PM
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attended my pri skool gatherin last nite. went out of a mixture of curiosity and interest. coz most of them are people whom i haven't seen or contacted for the last 8yrs.

alot of laughter n pictures. itz amazing how we can still get together n have fun. in a way, they were familiar, but yet strangers. alot of catchin up, alot of sharing. haven't reallie experienced laughter that makes the stomach aches until last nite. =)

alot of them are workin already, n listenin to the topics they were discussin, i felt like i've been living in a make-believe world all the time. no wonder they call mi "Princess".. -_-lll at times it felt like we were living in different spaces.. felt like a lil' girl compared to them n their experiences in the "adult" workin world.

it was reallie good seein them. reminded mi of old times, alot of revelations made about the past. lolx.. i should reallie start steppin out of my door more often n start attendin more gatherings n meet-ups. mayb i've been hidin away for too long..

the nite ended special. thank you. =)
CaT cat purred at 2:50 PM
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never underestimate the restorative powers of a good nite's sleep.

at home shakin off the lingerin effects of the fever i had last nite.. it was the worst i've ever had so far in my life. head poundin, feelin all hot n cold, entire body achin.. i was reduced to hobbling n wobbling around when i had to walk since my back hurts too much for mi to stand straight. it felt like someone had dumped a ton of bricks on mi, while another person had sneakily tied a few anchors to my feet when i wasn't lookin. blisterin hot water never felt so good n the bed had never held so much appeal til last nite.

bliss was sinkin into the pillow, buried under my blanket. had a series of "fevered dreams", leadin to mi wakin in the middle of the nite after alot of toss n turns. by dat time, it felt like was was walkin thru clouds.

so, i slpt from abt 11+ last nite to abt 10am this mornin. no pills, juz loads of water, n i think i'm on the fast route to recovery. =)
CaT cat purred at 12:23 PM
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lonely..

i'm startin to know too well the feelin of loneliness. the feeling is compounded when u noe there's someone who can keep it at bay when the person is by ur side, but sadly, u r not wanted there. becoz, sadly, wat the 2 of u want deviates from each other..

it's silly to cry. sheddin tears over someone who doesn't seem to care or want to listen, wat's the point?

the truth is, i've never mattered as much to u as u claimed i do. either that, or it's faded for a long time nw. mayb it's come to a point where i should leave. to drag it out, things might juz worsen. but the thing is, i still can't bear to, am still hopin, still wantin to try.. so many reasons y i still hold on, it all boils down to the fact that i still love u, as in the past, mayb more than in the past, it definitely didn't fade. urs did, i can feel n see it too clearly..

i should ask myself, do i listen to my logic or my heart? will things be different? is there still hope? should i stay n keep tryin? despite knowin ur love has faded..

does the heart lies? or does logic lie?
CaT cat purred at 6:08 PM
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itz disorientatin when an 18yr old saes dat mi, a goin-to-20-yrs-old, am a "cute little thing". lolx.. it strikes mi as funnie. coz i'm supposed to be older/ more mature.. blah blah?? oh well.. =)

itz a gd thing.

so, do strangers see mi as a 19-goin-20? or a cute lil' teenage gal?
CaT cat purred at 11:27 PM

as luck will have it, the moment i find dat my skin is gettin better n start gettin used to it, i break out.

=(

itz been a very tirin week. think this will be a very hectic year, or at least semester. i have a feelin my yrs in skool will onli get more n more hectic. darn. this week's been busy, n i'm slowly slippin back to slpin late, which might explain the impending outbreak.

in the midst of midterms. i hate the fact dat as i try to free up my time, more n more stuff pop up to be settled in a rush.

ugh...
CaT cat purred at 5:49 PM
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it made mi obviously happie when i'm sittin on my chair, all made up, and my mum came in then told mi to start on my makeup if i wanted to be ready on time. lolx.. :p

wat does this show?


it shows that....

i look the same without makeup as i do with makeup on!! translates to gd skin all the time eh? *grinz*

call mi superficial but i'm on cloud nine. =)
CaT cat purred at 5:37 PM

well, this week's been rather eventful, n by habit, i shld be already be aslp nw.


i hate my fear of darkness n nite. the fear creeps in when i'm alone, reinforced by scenes from horror shows dat i've seen before which still lingers in my head no matter how much i try to banish them. i hate my fear of goin out of my room alone at nite. hell. i dun even feel safe in my own room. snippets of horror scenes n scenarios juz pop into my head as n when they wish. itz an illogical fear i noe, but itz so steeped in mi dat i have no way of gettin over it. i hate knowin the fact dat i'm alone at nite, awake n aware, though there are ppl around mi physically. itz like they are aslp, n can't count as company. i can remember horror scenes dat i've watched dating back to when i was abt 8yrs old. sometimes havin a long memory isn't such a gd thing afterall, since i can recall all too clearly for my good.

i hate my fears, but i'm helpless in banishin them once n for all, as much as i wish to. but i dun think anyone understand dat at all.
CaT cat purred at 1:57 AM
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