i don't need advice, i don't need comments, i don't need concern. i just need a place to breathe and to be.

alrite. i haven't blogged abt anything with regard to my relationship coz i got sick of the comments from the people concerned, and of the blame from the involved. but i really really need a space to vent, n i shouldn't have to create another anonymous blog just so i can do dat, coz this shld be my space in the first place.

i feel suffocated. i feel i'm lonelier with this person if my life, than if he's not. i feel shortchanged. i feel unfulfilled. i feel disappointed. i've made alot of sacrifices. i feel like i've given everything, tried everything, and it's still not enough, nothing's appreciated, nothing's received. there's like a huge gaping hole dat i'm so determined to fill. i'm not ready to give up. there are good times, but sometimes they don't seem to be worth the bad times. sometimes the bad seems to be more than i can bear, but i've always managed to brush them off. it sucks and it hurts and i feel really really lonely.

you know, the feeling of loneliness is especially sharp when u are with someone who neglects u, compared to when u are really alone. you don't expect to feel lonely when u r with a person, so it strikes particularly hard. and i'll really much rather be alone and not feel lonely, than be with someone and feel alone.

"Nobody can survive on a diet of hope". dat's the poster dat i've seen at bus-stops, n i find the words really true. my will is a lean, mean fighting machine after havin been on the diet for a long time. but i feel brittle. i scared i'm startin to feel bitter.

the qns are on my mind everydae. each dae, i ponder over the possibilities of options.

but i'm still not ready though i'm slowly dying.
CaT cat purred at 12:01 AM
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i want a usb cable for connectin my hp to my com, so dat i can transfer the pics in my hp. i wan a DS Lite to play games with to while away time. I want Carl's Junior's Portobello Mushroom burger and Crystal Jade's scallop porridge, and i want them NOW. i wan my bf's unlimited attention, company and sensitivity, and i wan them all on mi and ONLY MI! i wan sch to end forever. i wan a happy and fulfilling future.

those are my immediate wants for now.

i realised dat i eat non-stop when i'm at home, n the sequence will always be a craving for something savoury followed by something sweet, after which i'll cleanse the palate with plain water, then start all over again! itz kinda bad.

i don't like drinkin bird's nest soup. =( itz super sweet.
CaT cat purred at 10:49 PM
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From This:



To This:



i did mention i cut my hair for CNY rite? the 2nd pic's super bright coz i was sittin in front of a window. =) nopez.. no hairdye. juz dry hair..
CaT cat purred at 11:55 PM
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itz the annual CNY alcohol binge at my uncle's house again todae!

drank about 4 wineglasses full of cocktails, the variety being: martell mixed with coke, jim beam with raspberry sprite, bacardi with raspberry sprite. i gotta sae, martell mixed with coke was the nicest out of those i had. had a glass of red wine too, cheap red wine i should sae, coz it din reallie taste gd.

think my uncles were out to get mi, since i cldn't seem to get tipsy or even turn red, the way most of my family does when they drink. so, my glass was always full even when wat i requested was a half-glass. -_-lll nvm.

so, nw i'm feelin a lil' teensy bit slpy, but otherwise sober as hell. reflexes din slow either. muahahahhaaa... my cousin thinks i'm a bloodless vampire coz i still look as fair as ever despite the alcohol, when she's like glowing red. lolx..

itz a gd thing they din break out the X.O again. no wish to down a full glass of undiluted fiery alcohol again.

another dinner gathering tmr nite, at my aunt's house. dun think there'll be much drinkin.

yay!! he's coming back on Tues!! dat is if he doesn't extend his stay. =)
CaT cat purred at 11:00 PM
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sent him off the airport todae, after gluing myself to him the entire dae. felt kinda lonely n lost after watchin him walk out of sight, and especially when i was at the viewing mall watchin the airplanes fly.

sabishi desu ne...

i feel down whenever he leaves, even though logic tells mi itz onli for a short while. =( n i'll get weepy. silly. itz juz holiday trips and reunion dinners. imagine if he has to go back to Indo after graduation n we somehow managed to make it that far?

no guts to imagine the scenario.
CaT cat purred at 10:38 PM

alrite. Vdae's over. it was betta than expected. =)

so, i booked tics for Ghost Rider preview at Lido coz he said he wanted to watch it, n he's goin back to Indonesia for the reunion dinner tmr, so i tot it wld be nice if he could catch it first instead of watchin it onli after he's back. u noe, the whole "get-it-while-itz-hot" thing. n since i was irked with him last nite, i onli sent him a msg abt it to ask if he was interested.

so he called mi when he woke up, n suggested dat i go find him. since he was headin to sch, i decided dat i might as well pick him up frm sch. so, i ended up at NUS at around 5, after which we went to his hse for him to get changed before heading for dinner.

dinner was jap food at Revenue House, opposite Novena Square, where the sushi on the conveyor was 99cents per plate. the sashimi servings there r rather generous n good, though itz a gd idea to stay away frm the dons coz i found the Ebi n Egg Don abit disappointing. yep. so dinner was satisfying.

bummed around the house abit after dinner, before headin down the Lido to collect our tics n catch the movie. the movie was alrite. worth watchin for the funny factor, despite dat it was rather predictable with cliche lines. the weirdest n funniest part of the nite was exiting the cinema n walkin thru this passageway, onli to end up walking thru another cinema where the movie was still showing. lolx.. the audience in dat cinema muz have been shocked to see a whole procession of ppl walking thru their cinema halfway during their movie.

it was home sweet home after dat. kinda tempted to stay over at his place n watch anime thru the nite, seeing as he's going back to Indonesia for Chinese New Year. but dun think my mum wld be agreeable.

so i'm thankful dat Vdae turned out betta than i expected or dared to hope for. was a bit disappointed at the lack of flowers or even a small gift, but, letz keep expectations low huh. as long as the dae was happily spent, the rest is all material.
CaT cat purred at 12:24 AM
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happie Valentine's Day to all. hope urs' are better than mine.

so far, itz been lousy to the max. i dun think it can get any worse, but nothing's impossible.

itz juz another dae. really. haven't been lookin forward to it n nw i simply hate the dae.

anyway, i've got a new hp. itz pretty. =) finally i have a hp dat looks girly. n i've been renewing frendships, though i'm rusty at it.

went shopping with A Manda last tues n yesterdae. last minute cny shoppin for mi, real time shoppin for her. bought quite a few stuff dat i think is reallie fantastic- she made mi try on this dress dat i usually wun even think of tryin, n surprisingly (mayb onli to mi) it works! so now i think shoppin with her works betta than shoppin by myself.

one dae, we shall meet up for a leisurely tea/ dinner, rather than rushin around the crowds. deal? we can pretend to be tai-tais who have all the time n money in the world. lolx..

strangely, everydae feels hectic n i'm suffocating. muz be all the regular posting of assignments. i feel sapped and tired. the sun seems too bright, n the nites too cold.

i almost forgot to mention my haircut. my hair is now shorter than ever before. even shorter than my bro's at the back. a short, chic and fuss-free bob. =)

will take pics with my new hp n upload them some time.
CaT cat purred at 12:16 PM
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Your Love Element Is Earth

In love, you have consistency and integrity. For you, love is all about staying grounded and centered. You attract others with your zest for life and experiences. Your flirting style is defined by setting the scene, creating a unique moment in time. Steady progress and stability are the cornerstones of your love life. You may take things too slowly, but you never put your heart at risk. You connect best with: Fire Avoid: Wood You and another Earth element: need each other too much to build a good foundation

CaT cat purred at 12:01 AM
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alrite. after seeing how dead my academic blog is, i've decided to share it here.

http://sabishi-cat.blogspot.com/

feel free to read and drop constructive comments. =) n leave a name which i can identify u with.

go on. flood it. lolx..

shall update more when i'm not feeling so haggard.
CaT cat purred at 12:52 AM
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