familiarity breeds contempt. after all these years, i'm almost certain that distance keeps relationships beautiful.

all relationships.

in general, it seems that the closer people become, from strangers to more, the more flaws people see. and then the initial beauty fades, as the pictures become lined with cracks.

haa.. high cognitive dissonance leads to high emotional labor leads to burnout. i've read the story of someone askin another person "don't you ever feel lonely?". i feel sorry. but i'm burnt out.

itz weird when people take everything i utter rather seriously.. when most of this is just random insights. :p and i am extremely sensitive to mood shifts, even when i pretend that i'm not.
CaT cat purred at 6:30 PM
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Kenichi Matsuyama, actor of the character L in the Death Note movies and the spin-off -L Change the World.

i want the life-sized stand up poster of him from the vcd shop at Novena!!!!!!! i'll pledge my life to whoever gets it for me. lolx..

i'm told that i'm infatuated. hahaa.. i don't really mind being so. :p

CaT cat purred at 11:36 PM
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woke up the wrong side of bed. hair's flipped. everything's to the left todae. rubbed the wrong way. it's a day for nothing. hair runs through my fingers. like time. like you. like me. like us. there's nothing left. it's a shell. shackled by our hesitance. we r cowards. changes are long overdue. it's empty. all chained down. we are suppressed. by you. by me. by us. the past means little. increasingly so. the future's dim. mine. let us let go. run. fly. wind. be gone. there's nothing but emptiness left in this chain shackled shell.
CaT cat purred at 12:32 PM

had 2 tests n 1 essay due yesterdae, after which, i met up with Manda in the evening after sch. i ate a crazy lot for dinner again n din feel full while she had like 5 plates of sushi n got filled up. bloated to be specific. -_-lll mayb i can start being addressed as the bottomless pit or sth.

walked around AMK Hub before walkin over the the Mos Burger at Jubilee for our usual session of chatting.

she bought a case for her makeup Collection. it can no longer be called set, or anything dat depicts only a few items, with a common use, grouped together. dat'll be an insult. i'm gettin kinda convinced dat she's tryin to start a COLLECTION of branded cosmetics and makeup tools. if i'm like a burglar, i'll probably decide datz where her fortune lies. lolx..

as for mi, i think i have too much cosmetic items dat i dun use. all those colours, unopened packages. it'll be gd if i can trade them for quality items dat i WILL use. coz right nw, wat i have is a mish-mash of cheap junk. lolx..

i dun get compulsive urges for cosmetics but i'm findin i have an insatiable desire for clothes n shoes. n my money juz got depleted again due to all the food. darn. if i can stop eatin, i'll probably save a tidy lil' fortune.

n i dun understand ppl who befriend u just to drift off later. i'm not exactly lackin in company so if they think itz some generous pity, they can just save it. i am not a charity case n dun appreciate being treated like one.

Kaiyan visited sch yesterdae n i totally cldn't recognise him at first glance. lolx.. but it was gd to see him, lookin *ahem* prosperous. :p
CaT cat purred at 8:42 AM
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n so, Manda told mi dat her diet plans have been constantly failin.. n i thought, hers can't possibly fail as gloriously as mine. :p

letz recall the big meals within these 2 weeks:

13th Feb: 2 consecutive plates of chicken rice in a single sitting for dinner. n yes, i ate meat along with the rice.

14th Feb: samples of Okinawan dishes, swiftly followed by a Portobello Mushroom Burger from Carl's Junior, for dinner.

18th Feb: 1 plate of mixed veggie rice consisting of a serving of steamed egg, a serving of tofu stirfry, a serving of fried fish fillet and rice topped with curry. desserts were a bowl of ice-jelly cocktail n a bowl of mixed glutinous rice balls. all for dinner again, one dish after another.

19th Feb: 1 and 1/2 plates of mixed veggie rice. so it was 1 and 1/2 servings of rice topped with curry, 1 n 1/2 servings of steamed egg, 1 serving of tofu stirfry and a serving of fried fish fillet again.

tonite's dinner: 1/2 bowl of rice, some meat, 6 veggie-filled rice cakes.

recallin all these nw n statin them out makes mi feel sick.

itz light meals frm tmr onwards!!!!
CaT cat purred at 8:21 PM

rotting in my room, feelin very moody. attention span's too short to do much readin for my tests tmr. there's work to do n no motivation to do them, leadin to mi takin the easiest ways out.

1 and 1/2 chpts of readin more to go. 4 chpts to reread. 1 essay to edit. 1 interview to conduct. 0 motivation. 0 incentive to become motivated.

n i'm moody over sth dat i've decided and agreed with myself not to be bothered over. dat isn't worth broodin over. dat is essentially nth under normal circumstances except dat i'm bored n thus very finicky n harder-to-please than usual.

*chants "ignore the bad n reward the good"*
CaT cat purred at 4:12 PM
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there's someone who makes me smile, at nothing, at the silliest and smallest things, at the big things, at everything.

and i like the smiles i see, on the someone's face.

smiles are exchanged, even when words are not. and it makes everything in the world seems alright.
CaT cat purred at 11:35 PM
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so, Valentine's Day went alrite. not very eventful but still enjoyable. though i've learnt it is betta to go out with a bunch of ppl whose tastes r more similar. coz most of the Okinawan dishes that i tried didn't seem to suit me.

the money in my new atm card is depleting too fast for my comfort. time to take some drastic measures in saving up.

anyway, i was blur again todae. was right on time for the first time this semester for MGG150, and it ended up dat there was no class todae. after my efforts to make sure i get to class at 9am sharp!

my group presentation for UGC on KangXi went well, despite the key person in the grp being in Batam, presumably enjoyin an extended Valentine's Day celebration/trip. had some difficulties when tryin to print the notes for the whole class, but it was good overall since the teacher said we did a good job between the 2 of us. nw we juz need to flesh out the information into a full n proper essay by next friday. shldn't be too difficult.

so guess the presentation that went well was the highlight of the day. haaa.. this place is gettin boring as .. a history textbook. :p
CaT cat purred at 8:21 PM
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so, itz minutes to Valentine's Day n i'm havin one hell of a headache datz been lastin for hours, with no plans for tmr.

this shld teach mi not to have any expectations.

ah well.. so, life's not exactly kind. watz new? may everyone have an enjoyable dae.
CaT cat purred at 11:56 PM
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school starts again. i'm still driftin along in the holiday mood. lost the rhythm dat was set before the Chinese New Year break. now, i'm back to procrastinating everyday.
CaT cat purred at 9:52 AM
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XING NIAN KUAI LE! =)

todae's been kinda great, though it was tiring. woke at 7.30 so dat i can take my time preparing to head out for visiting at the 9am stipulated by Dad. woke at 7 but lazed around on the bed hopin i can get back to slp til my alarm goes off. as usual, the attempt to store up more energy and alertness failed since i couldn't get back to slp.

this yr's kinda more different frm the past few. more meaningful, though sayin that is readin too much into the whole happenings todae.

lotsa new additions to the family. n it seemed like onli yesterdae rather than 1yr ago dat we were runnin after an out-of control niece. this yr, she's all obedient n sweet.

gonna stone til i fall aslp. =) happy holidays!
CaT cat purred at 10:26 PM
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i want to go to places that you don't. i want to do things that you wouldn't.

because you do the things that you say i shouldn't. you say the things that i wouldn't.

this cage is bothersome. pacing it is tiresome.
i will run away, faster than you can catch, farther than you can reach.

and if i so desire it, you'll be powerless in stopping me.
CaT cat purred at 3:08 PM

reportin at 8.54am. CNY Eve, 6th Feb:

everyone's up 'bright and early' todae. too much bustling around the house makes mi grumpy. i prefer to wake up to a quiet and tranquil house, not one where everyone's moving around bumpin into each other. just gimme some space til i wake up and get over the grouchiness.

bro claims he's been 'infected' by my vanity. wat infection?! think he's juz growin up n becomin more conscious of his appearance. datz sth natural isn't it? if it was an infection, he wld have been infected since he was born coz by 4yrs old, i was already vain n paintin the walls with red nailpolish. the stain is still there. bah... he's got a red spot due to some late nites n the chinese concept of heatiness, n he's vexing abt it n going visiting with it. he shld noe his wonderful n talented sis can always cover it up for him if it doesn't heal in time. :p

nw dat CNY is so near, i'm feelin jaded abt it. lolx.. hard to please. nw i hate the dress i bought. the shoes i bought. seems like there are a million things i haven't done or prepared. i'm still sittin here beddraggled n grumpy..

n i'm still debatin whether to get hamsters, bunnies, or none at all. i bet the price of hamsters have gone up due to this being Rat year.
CaT cat purred at 8:53 AM
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losing faith, losing hope, losing confidence, losing the will to carry on. i'm at the end of the tightrope. i can't go on, i don't wanna go on. let mi fall, n let mi die.

the unconditional love in this world is probably only found between parents and their children. n even that is not a certainty.

this feeling of being inadequate will probably never go away. ppl need physical evidence to be convinced of others' qualities. i have neither the papers, nor the face.

all people see when they look at mi, is someone who'll try to smile all her troubles away.
CaT cat purred at 9:57 PM
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was too lazy to study for my 2 tests todae. but it was good in a way coz not studying meant i wasn't stressed abt whether i'll do as well as i hope, and allowed mi to sleep relatively well. the sacrifices i'll make for a good night's slp..

the first test was marked on the spot through peer-editting. that sounds so primary-school-ish. haaa... got it back n had a 17/20. not too bad for someone who was stonin in class n onli vaguely skimmed thru the chapter in her classmate's txtbk 1hr before the paper during class, within 10mins. lolx.. either Lady Luck still loves me, or i've got superior logic and common sense. yay!!

finished the 2nd test in 15mins out of the 45mins allocated. muahahahhaaaa... Stat's easy so far.

todae's a not-too-bad dae, besides the fact that itz a Friday night and i'm stuck home. dozed off on the way home on the super cold bus, which probably means i'm not up for going-out anyway. energy running low despite the cheerful and easy-going facade put up everydae. or maybe it is BECAUSE OF it.

starting to look forward to CNY, with the lively atmosphere n family gatherings. i'm a sucker for lively atmospheres.
CaT cat purred at 7:05 PM
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