just got home after a trip to Mount Vernon and breakfast.

tombsweeping. was instructed to wake at 4.30 so that the whole family can leave the house at 4.45 to be the first people at Mount Vernon. the carpark there was empty when we got there, and full when we left. the rest of the relatives went for their annual tradition of breakfast with my grandma, while my family left for our own breakfast, having no interest in what they were goin to eat.

mum n dad went for roti prata at the market, my bro went along to get it taken-away home, while i went to an entirely different coffeeshop by myself for porridge. i guess to others, my family might seem abit dispersed and isolated.

gettin sleepy.
CaT cat purred at 6:45 AM
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time to update about today, since it's not often that i sleep for a maximum of 4hours only.

so i got up at 3.30am and started getting hungry since i didn't eat dinner last night. craved for my usual comfort food- porridge and as a result, walked my mum to her bus stop at 5.45am because it was along the way of the coffeeshop that has the earliest porridge stall open around my house. felt odd when my mum insisted on walking with me to the coffeeshop and staying while i ordered. turns out that she wanted to pay for me. talk about being heartwarming. =) so she left after passing mi the money, along with her colleague.

sitting there at the coffeeshop eating breakfast in the early morning felt really novel since i hadn't been up at such early hours since Christmas Eve. And the last time i ate breakfast at a coffeeshop in the morning was so long ago that the memory's vague. it was a friendly atmosphere, with all the patrons there being regulars and on familiar terms with the shopkeepers. it brought back my childhood memories of waking at 5am to accompany my dad to work when he used to tend the drink stall in some military canteen. the scents, the sights, the nostalgia of it all made me miss those childhood times.

walked around the whole AMK Central after breakfast, since it was way too early to head for school and going straight home will probably mean i'll sleep and wake up groggy and cranky. ended up walking into my secondary school, AMKSS. everything felt the same and yet different, familiar yet new. there were alot of surprising sights, like the student artworks hanging around that looked way professional compared to those of my times, and the pool table among other entertainment. of cause.. 6yrs have passed since i graduated from there.

headed to school before i can attend the flag raising ceremony. 2 tests todae. went to school, zoned out and took catnaps when i found myself alone. lost the usual calm. i am such a hypocrite and while i hate myself for it, i can't help behaving that way.

i dislike being coerced into anything. it's harsh but there are people who needs to learn not to politely request something of mi, put mi on a spot and expect mi to be happy about it. i will smile, i wouldn't allow the ripples across my surface, but i will loath. i acquiesce, but only because it is more hassle not to. do not thank me for things i felt i've been cornered into doing, and pretend that i've been generous because i wasn't sincere. i hate myself for smiling when i don't want to, the plastic mask that i put on in order not to inflict hurt. your assumptions stresses me, traps me, taxes me and leaves me feeling drained and hateful.

my unhappiness and distaste are more private than happiness. hate revealing my emotions for open speculation so people should just learn not to push it and leave mi with my poker face.
CaT cat purred at 6:26 PM

up at this unearthly hour because a horror show has got me freaked. when i spent the whole show blastin my mp3 loud enough to break my eardrums while starin at my lap, i shouldn't be so paranoid. but damn. just knowing the storyline is enough for my crazy imagination.
CaT cat purred at 4:14 AM
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there is no forgiveness for this tainted self
the selfish sinner hiding in her shell
crushed and scraped, the indelible scars
the pain barely concealed under her masks

petals drifted on a sea of blood
the scalpel stained with her crimson hearts
she washes the days clean, one by one
but two haunt her in the dark

the nights grow long and the days grow cold
and we all grow old yet she does not change
the pain will be there like a loving shadow
for her, there is no escape.
CaT cat purred at 12:07 AM
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and maybe their hearts have strayed
with bodies close to slake the thirst
a matter of convenience.
and maybe there is no more love
she thinks it went out the door
into the wilderness.
CaT cat purred at 9:20 AM
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got a haircut todae. i look old. kinda miss the swinging feel of my previously longer hair. nw it's super layered n follows the shape of my head. shall pray for it to grow longer faster so dat it'll look softer. the cut is too sharp now and makes me look mean and rigid. it didn't look the way i had hoped but i can live with this.

tired, worried and frustrated.
CaT cat purred at 6:25 PM
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i think 1 thing i'm too damn good at is pissing people off, unintentionally. n then end up feeling hurt myself. -_-lll

the past few daes went by quite happily, though the specific reasons why have gotten hazy now. me and my bro went out for dinner together last night but ate by ourselves. he wanted fast food, which i was sick of. so he happily headed off to KFC by himself while i went to Ichiban Sushi at AMK Hub. it was so weird, sitting by myself n facing the sushi conveyor belt, where in the middle were the chefs putting the food together, facing all around. it was like trying to eat while avoiding eye-contact all around. but it's still preferable to sitting at a table by myself when it could have been better utilised.

so, he finished way early n refused to join me while i ate. headed to the supermarket to complete our grocery shopping mission. gosh! we bought alot of snacks. lolx.. there are japanese strawberry cookies, a whole packet of lollipops, 2 packs of wasabi flavoured seaweed and 1 box of wafer biscuits. -_-lll when i dun even snack dat much and he prefers potato chips. headed off to buy chocolate cake that my bro likes before heading home. and the reason why we are having so much fun going off by ourselves for dinner? Grannie's holidaying in Vietnam. my bro calls this week his week of paradise and absolute freedom coz he gets to decide all his meals, without nagging.

caught Step Up 2 The Streets today in Bugis after school. the female lead looked way hot in the poster, but just normal in the movie itself. the dancing was good, but i prefer Honey which featured Jessica Alba. maybe coz Honey was slicker, and eye candy always makes me happy.

toying with the idea of trimmin off some of my hair tomorow. mum gave my bro more money for his haircut than she gave for mine!!! =( so unfair.. *sobz* n she refused to cut mi an apple. at that, i told my bro i shall run away from home, to which he promptly bade me goodbye. i warrant no respect in this house.

highlight of the day: my secret. :p
mini highlight of the day: grape swirled vanilla soft ice cream for dinner. =)

tired.. lucky for the upcoming long weekend.
CaT cat purred at 11:17 PM
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i don't understand why some people seem to hold a rather favourable impression of me when i feel otherwise. am i the harsh one? or do they see something that i can't.

is there anyone who knows me better than i know myself? if there is, i'll like to meet that person and find out more about this person that i can't, and maybe don't wanna, understand.
CaT cat purred at 12:50 AM
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just when i thought i could take it easier after midterms, i realised that there are still tons to be done.

swamped with deadlines and the stress of keeping up with all the modules, juggling textbooks in preparation for tests, assignments and deadlines to be completed and met.

self-taught myself a chapter of stats today, but it's definitely not fast enough. yet to start on the Eu Yan Sang management report, not that i have any inkling how to go about it. the weekly mgg test coming again, earlier than the past. ugc presentation plans are still up in the air, with a test that will probably come up soon. psy333, 2 (i think) long tedious chapters to read before its final test this sem.

life have gotten chaotic.
CaT cat purred at 11:19 PM
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the hated social loafer gabbing away during the staff photoshoot, where the colleagues couldn't stand her. lolx..

haaa.. this pic makes mi feel like slappin myself. but yay!!! the teacher complimented mi today during stats dat she liked my acting n thought it was good. i shld give up studying n runaway to stardom. :p

ugc midterms was gd. 81/100. woohhhooo!! n i passed stats, though datz hardly gd enuf. waiting for mgg and psy 333. *prays real hard*

CaT cat purred at 10:21 PM
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i don't think anyone would believe if i say i'm overworked. i won't believe it either. but i can't find other explanations for the semi-awake nites, the loss of appetite, the heaviness i feel in my limbs, the preying migraines and the escalating bouts of dizziness.

went to run some errands at AMK Central, that's just a short walk from my house. nw i'm nursing a migraine n my limbs felt too heavy to move on the walk home. had to concentrate to just move one feet before another n not fall over. feverish, pale. i look like a walkin corpse again. and i don't believe it's due solely to my period coz i don't get stuff like debilitating cramps.

this shell keeps gettin weaker with each passing year.
CaT cat purred at 6:22 PM

kinda sentimental these few daes due to the monthly fluctuatin hormones.

its really great when people have worked together as a group, accomplished the task well, and had fun. it was smooth-going, productive and enjoyable. and its especially heartening when people can bring with them the positive memories even after the project has ended. because i think such chances are hard to come by.

=)
CaT cat purred at 11:29 AM

n so this very hectic sch week is finally over. 2 days of almost careless relaxation before monday is needed. there'll be tests n research next week afterall.

the presentation yesterday went well. i acted as the social loafer teacher who did no work while the other colleagues had to bend over backwards to finish their work n mine. lolx.. think it was quite funnie. but since i had a migraine the whole yesterday due to a week of poor slp at nite, i was just blankin out the whole dae while the body auto-pilots itself.

went off early instead of stayin for ugc coz the head was hurtin too badly n i felt nauseous. got fed n pampered. =) slpt better durin the evenin nap than at nite. n so i slpt a sleep full of dreams from 11 til 9.30 todae. not exactly quality slp, but guess i made up to this useless body in terms of length.

n i can't resist mentionin dat.. YAY!! i can fit into size S nwadaes! the shirt n pencil skirt i bought were both size s n fitted well. n i saw some bunnies n hamsters yesterdae, along with a super humongous rabbit. it was bigger than cats!! n it looked black n old n cranky. gosh..

back to stoning..
CaT cat purred at 9:47 AM
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went to Far East after school today with Faith and Jia Yi to hunt for the perfect pencil skirt. itz a worthy investment coz i can wear it for the presentation tmr, as well as for any future occasions.

first time dat i went out shoppin with uni classmates. right time, right place so i grabbed the chance. it was fun. haven't had such carefree n female time in a long while. it was spontaneous n eye-opening. i shld do things like this more often, but there aren't much opportunities since i'm always gettin myself entangled with uncertain arrangements.

burnt a deep hole in the pocket todae. but it was worth it for the purchases, company n overall good time.

so itz playin teacher tmr. haaa.. uni life is just full of role-plays. :p
CaT cat purred at 9:35 PM
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in the play Romeo and Juliet, critics have marveled over the force of their pure love that led them to give up their lives for each other, despite their young age.

but, it's been thought that if the tragic couple had been left on their own devices, rather than face overwhelming obstructions, they might not have ended so tragically. what appears more unobtainable spurs more determination to obtain it. all those obstructions could have been what doomed them and sealed their fate. without it, the romance might have fizzled out, judgin from the common patterns of people at that young age. and it was those barriers that drew them closer, especially at that age of rebellion.


silence the voice that urge the casting of the final stone.

the classic question from Secret.

I love you. Do you love me?

CaT cat purred at 9:25 PM
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it takes just one second to hang up a phone. faster if pressing a button is all it takes.

hanging up signifies ending a conversation. with some, it takes long deliberation and alot of time. with some, it takes no consideration. with some, it signifies the beginning of the anticipation for the next phone call. for some, it is jubilant, a release.

two parties of one conversation might feel different spectrums of emotions. that seems to be the common pattern.

at the end of my patience, i'm out of words. they evaporate into voiceless frustrations with each ticking second, until there's nothing left. and yet the frustrations build, into a coiled force that begs for release but has none.

i have nothing more to say to you.

final words that should put an end to everything.

yet ultimatums have never meant much to anyone.
CaT cat purred at 3:28 PM
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