Happie Bdae to Jillian!!!

i hope ur life turns out the way u wan it to be- no loneliness, juz happiness. =)

*hugz*
CaT cat purred at 12:12 PM
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Happie Bdae to Marcus. =)
CaT cat purred at 8:34 AM
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i think evenings and late night are the loneliest times in a day.

i stood at the windows looking at the cars that went by, wishing you were in one of them
CaT cat purred at 5:28 PM

i must not let myself feel upset over anything at all. negative emotions trigger pain n weaken the body. i shall not let anything impede my recovery.
CaT cat purred at 3:00 PM
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patience is a virtue, when you are certain you'll receive what you waited for.

otherwise, waiting is only a foolish passing of time.


it was simple to see~ i needed you. you didn't want me.
CaT cat purred at 12:05 PM

general anaesthetic is a powerful thing. it can knock a person out between one breath to another, before they can form a single coherent thought in their mind. the drip attached to the hand, it's not a needle under the skin, but a plastic tube that's supposedly malleable. the clear protrusion it makes when it's under the skin is ghastly, and it leaves a puncture behind when withdrawn, and blood quickly pearls on the surface. you can't deny that having a foreign object sticking from under your skin hurts.

and when you wake in a sudden, feelings that you hadn't realised you feel bubbles up to the surface before you can help it, or even feel it. and the initial minutes pass in a daze, while you lie there in a drugged weakness. a weakness so grasping that you'll find it difficult to even sit up without having the world start whirling before your eyes, and in your mind.



i received a lovely bouquet of pink roses yesterday. it was perfect in everything. wreathed with tiny wildflowers, it's the prettiest i've ever received, n i'm touched by it coz it was juz a whim initially, dat i din reallie have any expectation of being realised. n it was more than wat i'd asked for, so much more. =) it makes mi feel warm n fuzzy inside, n makes everything feel worthwhile.
CaT cat purred at 9:17 AM
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i'm gettin freaked about tomorow. as the time draws closer, the less i can deny it, n the more real it gets. i'm scared. i'm reallie scared. itz not often dat i feel such fear. mayb never for the kind of dehabilitating fear i'm experiencing now.

i tot i could be calm. n mayb i can, given a bit more time. ignorance is bliss, n i guess the lack of consciousness will be a blessing.

no more tears. i'll try. it's simply something dat i have to do, have to get past. i shall be strong. that is the refrain that's playin repeatedly in my mind.

so farcical.

pray for mi.
CaT cat purred at 10:34 PM
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fighting off hunger pangs nw.. been doin nothin but gnaw on white bread to stave it off since evening.. no dinner for mi, which is kinda sad. mum bought cream of mushroom soup instead of minestrone, n i'm picky as usual. guess nobody understand y i'll rather starve than eat watz available. i dun understand either.

cravings for sliced fish beehoon soup started while i was watchin the 8pm variety show with mum. they should stop screening shows and ads featuring food n ppl eating!!

the most substantial food dat i ate todae was the 2 slices of roti prata i had for breakfast. the rest of the dae consisted of light nibbles and drinks.. -_-lll itz kinda sad to sae dat my attention nwadaes are always focused on food, wat wun make mi feel sick while satisfyin my hunger n cravings, as well as how to get them.

stomach's been makin weird noises these few daes.. not gd.
CaT cat purred at 11:25 PM
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the tom yum noodles from Simply Thai was precisely wat i needed. clear, colourless tom yum soup, glistenin rice noodles, super springy prawns and succulent grass mushrooms. *slurps* jumpstarted, as well as whetted, my appetite datz been virtually non-existent for the past few daes. highly recommended, though not for those with weak/ empty stomachs.

saw old frens todae, namely Luke and Gwen. =) my JC classmates. they still look the same, n datz reassuring somehow. though we were never too close, they are part of my memories. =)

sometimes i think dat memories are the onli things worth keeping. coz they tend to be rose-tinted n fuzzy.

i should have bought salsa dip for my cheese twists.
CaT cat purred at 7:37 PM
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i think my mum's gettin worried about my recent lack of appetite. the weather is gettin to mi, all humid and sweltering.. long hours in skool sorely trials my energy levels. i dun understand why they seem to think that we can sustain our energy levels and attention for as long as 3hr n 45 mins in one shot. 2 hrs is my max, even when i'm at top form, which i haven't been for awhile now. breaks count as nothing since it onli heightens my desire to be off, n simply encourages my brain to switch itself off. watz worse is that the longest lessons are in the afternoons, where my energies are usually flaggin..

havin nice frens and classmates helps i guess. i'm real thankful for their unselfish generosity and help. feeling under the weather is seriously becoming a chore. i'm juz glad that it'll come to a pass soon, or at least i hope so.
CaT cat purred at 5:56 PM
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pre-washed n packaged caesar salad, grated parmesan cheese, big red ripe strawberries n chilled chocolate milk are pieces of God-sent heaven. =)

screw laksa. but i still wan the tom yum rice vermicilli from Bugis.
CaT cat purred at 4:53 PM
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anyone willing to buy mi laksa n tom yum soup?? x_x
CaT cat purred at 2:38 PM
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skool's been great so far. tiring but fun. though i attended like the first 2 daes out of the 4 daes in total. din feel lonely though Jillian n Kayee weren't around. seems i do quite well with being alone. n i guess the peeps i've met so far were quite friendly, nice n entertainin. so it helps. it also helps dat i've already had a taste of wat Music and English was gonna be about, so i wasn't panickin or as inexperienced as the peeps around mi. heeheee.. it was kinda nice to be laidback n cool about things, while the surrounding peeps were worrying over how they were gonna cope in the course. =)

Wifey, i din go to skool with "2pid Jilly". she very conscientiously asked how i did for finals, n after i satisfied her by statin all my grades n asked about hers, she ignored mi! can u faster come back n traumatise her? as well as dig out her finals grades since i told her mine n she din tell mi hers.. :p i'm sure u'll succeed where i failed. -_-lll

i'll like to thank all the peeps who helped mi revise for the finals, enablin mi to pull thru it in one piece. all the peeps who provided encouragement, support, notes, company, relief etc. =) i'm happie to sae dat i din disappoint any of u by flunkin.

well, there r still some stuff for mi to settle, before i can finally sae i'm care free. it'll no doubt greatly impact mi. possibly i'll emerge a changed person, for better or worse.
CaT cat purred at 1:23 PM
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now i know how a battery feels like, being sapped of itz energies..

i'm astounded by my ability to walk pass, or directly to my grandma, without her noticing my presence. i can be only a light touch away, n she still wun noe. now, my grannie is healthy and still sharp in her senses, so i think itz got somethin to do with my walkin lightly so as not to draw attention to myself when in the house. creepin about, or more appropriately, glidin/ floatin about *ahem- u have a problem with dat description?*

think i'll make quite a gd burglar. muahahahhaaaa...

i dun like my actions or movements being observed in the house, not even the possibility of it. thus the reason for treadin lightly when in the house. but it stemmed off from some misguided definition of grace as bein glidin movements when i was a kid, no doubt gleaned off from old chinese movies featurin pretty female ghosts, like A Chinese Ghost Story.

imagine mi a translucent, floatin wraith.. :p






BOO!!! *grinz*
CaT cat purred at 7:39 PM
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those who prayed for mi, thanx. =) but i think i got the dates wrong, so be prepared to pray for mi again.

juz had some gangster-ish guy tryin to knock down my house's door. wtf. he pressed the doorbell furiously for a few times before proceedin to pound on the door relentlessly. as my grandma aptly describes:

"like we owe him money n he's here to collect the dues." -_-lll

would have enjoyed openin the door n shoutin at him "TAMADE! WAT YOU WAN?! KNOCK! KNOCK!! KNOCK!!! I'M CALLING THE POLICE!" yes. it doesn't take alot to make mi snap. especially since i was lookin thru the peephole behind the door, tryin to figure out who he was, when he started knockin n causing the door to rattle in its hinges, almost knockin into mi.

n dat warrants a hearty shout of the word "FUCK!"

had he not appeared to be holdin something in his hand, he would have gotten an expletive-filled shoutdown from mi.


yep.. so datz dat. been feelin poorly, appetite's been reduced to dat of a bird. been subsistin everydae on wat should be 1/3 of wat i used to eat in a dae. mi of the very healthy appetite! woe is mi. think n hope it'll fade off soon enough.

so peeps, pls think gd thoughts of mi. =)
CaT cat purred at 9:29 PM
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everyone and anyone reading my blog, please say a lil' prayer for mi, every time dat i cross your mind, todae and tomorow. thank you.

your kind sentiments and well-wishes will be greatly appreciated. =)
CaT cat purred at 11:04 PM
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